By Poolie Kev
March 22 2006

After a bit of time out, Poolie Kev returns to action and it's a bumper bundle as he gives us his views on Hartlepool United's games with Doncaster, Huddersfield, Scunthorpe and Barnsley. Doncaster

The first home game under the Stephenson regime and some testing opponents from South Yorkshire. There was lots of Doncastrians on the motorways as I drove up to Hartlepool in some torrid wintry conditions. There was a lovely Northerly blowing straight off the Arctic tundra making Hartlepool the welcoming balmy North Eastern resort it is.

The previous weeks 0-0 at Rotherham had shown that we had hopefully dropped the grid square geographical football which we had been seeing since August and returned to the pass and move brand which we’ve all come to love to watch over the seasons. The crows was as animated as it had been vindictive at the Blackpool game and cries of ‘Stevo, give us a wave’ rang round the ground. It would seem that the decision to appoint Paul Stephenson was a popular one with the crowd and the palpable relief and hope of a renaissance was evident around the shady drinking holes in town.

And so it proved to be, the windswept crowd gave some good support, we were 1-0 up and I was heading for the car park. Doncaster were reduced in the second half to bashing long range shots towards the Town End in the swirly gale and typically one of the screamed into the top corner. Rats!! Two points lost as the back four had been resolute and organised and never looked like conceding through anything other than that which inevitably occurred.

Huddersfield

Have we declared war on Yorkshire or what?? No bad idea, I hear you call, as the only good thing to come out of Yorkshire is the A19. Having been to the corresponding away fixture back in August and knowing that we’d been battered in the first half and returned the favour in the second I wasn’t as worried as I might have been given that they lay second in the table on the night.

They’d just about sold out the away end, there was the usual Friday night buzz and Dave King had opened the new Poolsbar, formerly the Victoria Lounge, the previous week to the season ticket holders much to the chagrin of the established membership. ‘No-one likes us, we don’t care’ as a famous South London team chant. Good effort all round from the club and hopefully a meeting of the minds which will bring a much needed and high yield source of income to the club and a service the fans most definitely will support.

So the boy Boyd started the game, as he had the previous four which always lifts the fans and gives you the impression that we might nick a game and he was a most welcome sight, but the roar that greeted the introduction of Joel Porter for the first time this season showed the true admiration that the crowd hold for him. By his own admission, it made the hairs on his neck stand up and talk of fairy tales started six minutes later when he cracked on into the top left hand corner to announce his return in style. It was Poolie-heaven to see the dynamic duo on the score sheet and no small achievement to outplay a team with Hudderfield’s pedigree.

Scunthorpe

Now to borrow heavily from the words of an advertisement which you may all have seen, if Carlsberg did football grounds, none of them would be like Scunthorpe United. Never the most fashionable of places and featuring in the repertoire of many a Working Men’s Club comedian, Scunthorpe is horrible. There I’ve said it.

The nearest, and only practical, pub is some Brewers Fayre type place which has some of the surliest bar staff in the Northern Hemisphere. Now I never criticise bar staff as some of you might know, my organisation does the bars for Glastonbury, Leeds Carling Weekend and a host of multi-thousand customer attended events. Our creed is that no-one waits more than a minute for a pint and they rarely do unless they’re so plastered they take 61 seconds to place their order. This lot look through you, look round you, look over you, look anywhere but at you and I spent twenty frustrating minutes just so I could spend my money. Never again.

Let’s move onto the turnstiles shall we?? There was ONE turnstile open and one for concessions, y’know, the kids and the old folk. Obviously the latter was deserted, but at 7.25pm prior to a 7.30pm kick off there was snake of Poolies around this one turnstile. Could we use the concession one as he had nothing to do?? No. Could they open another turnstile so we didn’t miss the kick off?? No. Did they think this was a good way of presenting their club to the travelling fan?? Shut up or you won’t go in at all. Lovely folk and each one has an extra toe.

They had catered for 200 and sold out of comestibles before half time on a freezing cold night when a hot snack might have been a life saver. Luckily on a personal note a call of nature revealed this crucial fact to me and and I managed to secure a couple of sausage rolls and some teas before the ravening hoards came down at half time.

On the up side the support that night was awesome, the fans sang and sang and sang all through the first half and certainly couldn’t have done more than they did to lift the team. On the down side we lost 2-0 to a much inferior and very cynical team, ably supported by a comically biased referee, who can stick their rammy stadium where the colonoscopy goes.

Barnsley

See what I mean about this Yorkshire thing?? They must be revelling in their mediocrity down there in whippet and pigeon land. Every second third division club seems to come from there. Why don’t they just form one good club? No Wednesday I said GOOD club, not BIG club. Size isn’t important. Heh-Heh!!

Anyway, bring on the Reds, we don’t seem to be able to beat them and they don’t seem able to beat us although I seem to remember they brought a record winning home streak to a violent and sudden end with the assistance of another crap referee a season or two ago. Boxing Day was it not??

Again I patronised the Poolsbar and made a few new acquaintances, chewed some quality fat, watched some decent footy and rubbed shoulders with the great and the good, particularly Hugh Robertson who is now back to fitness and just needs match fitness to be ready to break a few nets. There is going to be the serious competition for places that we’ve all anticipated and which so far hasn’t materialised. Butler, Robson or Humphries at left midfield?? Llewellyn, Eifion or Maidens at right midfield?? Tinkler and Sweeney or Bullock and Turnbull in the middle?? Mouthwatering.

So the whole thing went to plan, Joel nicked an early one and again with either him or Adam or both scoring at least we know we won’t lose simply by conceding. There are goals in the team, even if they went missing the previous Tuesday. Barnsley duly equalised before half time and the second half swung from end to end with good saves and near misses from both teams. 37 down, 9 to play.

It’s going to be nip and tuck, I think we all realise that now. Aways at Brentford, Colchester and Southend aren’t push overs but I personally have more faith in the team and particularly the defensive unit, to think we can at least get a point from them. Two of these three have relied on the home form and particularly their goal scorers to put them so far in front that it doesn’t matter if they lose a goal or two which means good open attacking football which is the kind we play best. Brentford will just kick, hack, bite, spit and clog their way through it.

I’ll start the game then, another nine points will do it twelve will give us respectability given the mid season we had. We should be able to achieve this with a fully fit squad.