Sitting, looking out through the corners of Turf Moor, I think to myself ‘Nice hills’

 

With injuries and suspensions Magilton had no choice but to make changes to our successful team of late. Supple remains in goal with Price still injured, Naylor comes back in the starting 11 for ‘bad Fab’ with Bruce, De Vos and Harding. We have a 5 man midfield with Roberts, Noble, Walton, Legwinski and Richards in the hopes that they can support and provide for lone ranger Lee. That goal keeper bloke, Sito, Currie, Peters and Haynes were today’s back ups.

 

I had already won funky sock competition with my cream, fluffy, foot muffs as I call them and we settled down along with a total crowd capacity of 11,709 in our wooden seats as the Clarets kicked off the game.

 

Roberts wins Town a corner in the 2nd minute which with Richards sporting spirit gives the ball to the big hands of Burnley keeper Brian Jensen. The ball heads up to the other end, and so too do the players, amazing that, anyway. Noel-Williams fouls Naylor giving Town a free kick, but poor play followed getting Bruce in the game to recover.

 

Noel-Williams fouls Naylor again, I think it’s discrimination against his ginger hair, and apparently our garden shed is bigger than this ground, well I don’t even have a garden so that doesn’t say much for Turf Moor.

 

The ball is dilly- dallied about a lot and please, readers of this report, if you all hate Norwich clap your hands. Someone for Booked and although Town keep possession well no one cares to shoot- sorry boys but it’s not going to work like that!

 

I pass a bit of time being entertained by a bee, then a defensive interception by Roberts distracts me from bee watch and when I return to look I’ve lost him (big round of awwww’s please)

 

You will be happy to know that in the 15th minute a Burnley sub looked like a space man.

 

Meanwhile the Tractor Boys are doing some beautiful one touch passing, but then Burnley win the ball back and force Naylor into clearing the ball for a corner.

 

In the 19th minute the ball goes up, then comes down again, oh the excitement. Burnley win a free kick and even up in the North-west Earnshaw’s an Alien. Town then win a free kick for a foul on Lee, a good ball in from Walton on the wing results in a corner and then it’s in, out, in, out shake it all about.

 

Roberts wins the ball from Elliot in the 26th minute but the ref Mr. J. P. Robinson feels the need to stop play so that he can pick up Jones and kiss him better. Supple punches the kick out but then it comes back in before being sent into Orbit by Naylor and Walton (who is still sexy by the way)

 

A minute later as if by magic supple disappears then re-appears again and Legwinski lays down then gets up again.

 

On half an hour Naylor is not watching and De Vos boots the ball out, Bruce tackles thin air and Supple collects.

 

1 minute later Michael Duff climbs the stairway of Walton and as Supple comes out of the box to head the ball clear of danger, which he does and also receives a foot in the stomach for his efforts.

 

Another Burnley player is booked in the 36th minute for kicking the ball, if only things were that simple, and Alan Lee strikes wide (I thought that should be specially mentioned)

 

It only takes Bruce 37 minutes to get booked today.

 

On 40 minutes I’m sitting with my top lip curled rather unimpressed and Dan Harding is a porcupine.

 

Many Town fans are disgraced in the 42nd minute as a free kick is not given when Lee falls over, they obviously don’t see him every week.

 

Apparently Burnley are nothing but a bunch of door men apart from Alan Mahon who is a frog.

 

After the deterioration at the end of the first half unfortunately Town look no more encouraging on the re-start with the Clarets taking full advantage, putting pressure on the tired looking Tractor Boys.

 

On 47 minutes Town win a free kick for a foul on Roberts, the free kick is well, urm…

 

De Vos is booked for a stupid foul in the 49th minute and another stupid free kick is given away by Town in the 52nd minute, Naylor defends well again but Lee is too slow to capitalise the following ball.

 

In the 56th minute Sito replaces  Bruce, very nice, and good play from Richards results in a Town throw, Lee is booked and around this time in my notes there are lots of hmmms

 

61 minutes saw the most exciting part of the game yet- a conversation about falling down the toilet!

 

Sinclair and Elliot have so much space that you could fit a jumbo jet through sideways.

 

There is a steward watching the Town fans as if we are about to mutate and multiple frustrations are written in my notes in the 64th minute.

 

Onto 69 minutes sexy Simon Walton shoots but it is tipped wide, wow, our first real shot on target.

 

75 minutes a Roberts goal is offside, then a minute later football is no longer a contact sport and Mahon replaces someone for Burnley.

 

(If you hadn’t noticed not all that much was happening)

 

On 80 minutes a Burnley ball flies past everyone including Supple and his goal.

 

Walton’s target practice was spot on in the 81st minute, if his target was the centre of the away supporters section.

 

Jones is replaced by Spicer in the 83rd minute for Burnley and Town are obviously exhausted.

 

Kyle Lafferty replaces Noel-Williams for Burnley in the 86th minute and still no more changes for Town.

 

Town attack a minute later but Lee doesn’t join the attack for a further 5 minutes.

 

On 90 minutes Naylor defends well giving away a corner, from which Walton gives away another one. Burnley’s Duff scores, they all dance around to daft music and Town go home with nothing, but not before having another one of the familiar becoming scraps which of course Naylor got stuck into whilst the ref stood back blowing his whistle like he had just fallen out of his rubber dinghy.

 

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