Today we took the trip to Southend joining in on a crowd capacity making the attendance a whooping 11,415. By laws of average I had decided we were going to win, and to help us do that was an identical squad to the one that faced Preston at home mid week.

 

You know you’re in Essex when bums are on display and you see signs for muddy fox, now tell me that don’t sound like something you would find in a phone booth, Also much to my delight there was a coke and kenco man wandering the outers of the pitch.

 

Anyhoo, on to the football.

 

Just 2 minutes into the match Southend’s Matt Harrold crashed into Town keeper Lewis Price, leaving Price needing treatment, whilst down the heavens opened, thank God I had decided against wearing make-up or I would have looked like a badger, I felt hard done by, I wasn’t the one laying on my back with no cover (no I’m not talking about the Essex girls again, I’m talking about our keeper)

 

As soon as play resumed it was then stopped again as Wilnis was taken down.

 

On 8 minutes in obvious discomfort Price is replaced by Supple.

 

In the 10^th minute Southend work past Bruce with ease before Simon Francis heads the ball over. Supple kicks the game back into action before Luke Guttridge gave Town a free kick by knocking over Legwinski.

 

On 14 minutes the corner flag is about to fly away, a Southend free kick is about as good as an ape piloting a passenger jet, a man falls down a step singing and a Richards, Macken, Richards collaboration ends up with the Southend keeper, Wow that one minute contained more excitement than the full 90 from some of our recent matches.

 

17 minutes gone and a short man in a suit is not happy, Ah well, I wouldn’t be either if I was that short with grey hair AND wrinkles. Harding is booked for as far as I’m concerned nothing and Maher shoots wide from Southend’s free kick.

 

Harding shows good defensive work in the 19^th minute hassling Mark Gower until the ball is run out of play for a Town goal kick.

 

On 20 minutes Macken has to go off injured and is replaced by Clarke, for all you mathematicians out there yes that means we only have one substitution left.

 

Clarke forces a save from the Southend keeper in the 25^th minute, Noble’s corner is poor and I don’t think even Legwinski is going to admit his contribution was actually supposed to be a shot, when it headed further towards the corner flag.

 

On 30 minutes Town are off the Mark from a beautiful Clarke header hitting the top corner, The Tractor Boys are in front.

 

The matrix is here apparently (Man those stewards think highly of themselves)

 

33 minutes someone falls over and wins Southend a free kick from which they win a corner, De Vos towers over to head the ball wide of the 18 yard box, which Richards can’t quite stop from going out for a throw, Supple tips the incoming ball wide for another Southend corner but once again the Town skipper is at the ready to get the ball out of the danger zone.

 

Onto 40 minutes and Harrold handles the ball right in front of the Line-o who must have been too busy eyeing up the cheerleaders as nothing was given.

 

Clarke gets his head onto another of Lee’s crosses in but this time the keeper is ready and catches.

 

On 43 minutes Guttridge knocks down Legwinski (who has had a shave) again and gives Town a free kick, The free kick however was given straight to a Southend player.

 

In added time Eastwood only has Supple to beat but the target is obviously too small as he hits wide.

 

2 minutes after the re-start for the second half Legwinski gets himself on the score sheet with a low strike from 20 yards hitting the back of the net and doubling Towns lead.

 

In the 48^th minute Alan Lee and Mark Gower compete in amateur dramatics both succeeding in nothing apart from making themselves look stupid.

 

But it’s ok as once again Noble has got himself booked and given away a free kick in the 49^th minutes, Town somehow end up with the ball with Clarke making his run down the left before crossing into Lee who slams the ball home taking Town 3 goals up.

 

On 52 minutes fat boy gets stressed and Francis is booked for a foul on Noble.

 

In the 57^th minute a ball in from Lee is headed out for a corner, Noble produces his usual poor corner which Peters recovers, another corner is won and another poor one is delivered, I think it’s time someone else had a go.

 

The 59^th minute saw a double substitution from the home team with Eastwood and Harrold making way for Sodje (who is wearing a tea towel on his head) and Peter Clarke.

 

Aston sneezes, bless you his body is obviously not used to such a display and need to build up resistance.

 

62 minutes the ball goes flying out of the ground.

 

After good defending from De Vos in the 64^th minute everybody stops, apart from Southend, who roll the ball past Supple and into the net. 1-3

66 minutes, lets get the violins out as Billy Clarke is hit in the back and no one cares, and Richards has a twin going by the name Adam Barrett, who is then booked for a foul on Lee.

 

Lee was thinking of giving up football for a career in flying until he realized, with a little aid from Barrett, that he has no wings.

 

On the 73^rd minute Town are slacking and not closing down and Bruce is booked, the world makes sense once again. To complete our substitutions Walton replaces an injured Noble.

 

Like magic in the 75^th minute De Vos is injured then he is ok again, wow.

 

76 minutes Southend have a corner and as the ball hit the post and bounced anyone would have thought they scored, including the Southend fans- but they didn’t score, nope, it’s still 3-1 to the Tractor Boys.

 

Somewhere between the 77^th and 82^nd minute Legwinski was booked for something, I don’t know what, but the Town fans were happy.

 

In the 84^th minute Wilnis decides to try out Lee’s idea for his retirement of football, but he too cannot fly, Walton tries to burst a cloud and Supple collects a high flying ball.

 

On the 86^th minute Southend cross the ball over the sideline, no one cares so they carry on into the box but then hit the ball over.

 

The stewards go for a run and the high kicked ball falls through a gap in the stadium roof as Wilnis is booked.

 

In the 4 minutes added a ball from Lee to Clarke comes close, a ball in from Richards is caught by the keeper and Walton is booked.

 

Finally the game is over and Town take home the three points.

 

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