London Irish
A London Irish Fairytale - Part 2
By LKR
November 19 2013
Are we all sitting comfortably? Then let LKR continue .....
Chapter 6 –The Emerald City
We left Sa, the Wizard of Oz and the heroes last Sunday, heading back down the Yellow Brick Road from a land far, far away to the Emerald City that is Sunbury. Although that small band of travellers had seen Sa, many did not witness the magical events of that autumn afternoon, as ITV kept the secret from those who were not in that land far, far away. Was it all a fairytale made up by the few to entertain themselves on that long journey down the Yellow Brick Road, or was it really true? Back at the Emerald City the magic was being worked on in secret but another proclamation was made that Sa would reappear this weekend at the Fortress Madjeski. Along with him, would be Tweedledum and Tweedledee, twins who (from the 1951 Alice in Wonderland film) are described as ones who jump high in the air and wobble their legs as if they are noodles. The Wizard of Oz it seemed would be resting ready to venture into the Tiger’s Lair next week (although he was Water boy again).
Chapter 7 – Fortress Madjeski
When the intrepid travellers reached Fortress Madjeski, for the second part of the LV quest, they found that Shane had been mistaken for Little Red Riding Hood and been eaten by the Big Bad Wolf. (For everyone distressed about this, there was a happy ending, as the wolf obviously found Shane not to his taste as Shane was seen walking across the car park after the game.) Richard Palframan had been changed, with a whisk of the Fairy Godmother’s wand, to a backs replacement wearing 22, with Myles Dorrian starting at 10.
The saintly ones arrived from their garden, cleverly disguised as rugby players. What big arms they have! ‘All the better to tackle you with’, they replied. What big feet you have! ‘All the better to kick points with’, they replied. What big hands they have! ‘All the better to catch the ball for a try’, they replied.
Chapter 8 – The Battle – part 1
With only four minutes gone, Sir failed to recognise Sa’s magical qualities which mean he can re-appear in a different place instantaneously and awarded a penalty against him for offside. Glenn Dickson kicked the first of many penalties to make it 0-3. For the next 20 minutes, both sides gave away penalties but there was no change in the score (a miss from each side). The saintly ones (or green men from Mars in their lime green kit) were applying pressure and we conceded a couple of penalties within about 5 minutes, which made the score 0-9 with 22 minutes gone. A few minutes later, we won a scrum penalty, Darren took a quick tap and we were moving towards the try line but the ball was lost and a saintly one ran the length of the pitch, passed and scored under the posts, despite our heroes best attempts to chase back to stop them(score 0-16). The heroes pressurised through backs and forwards and almost scored, but were penalised on the try line for a double movement. The momentum went back to the saintly ones who scored after a penalty for offside, making it 0-19 after 33 minutes. We soon got a penalty of our own in front of the posts, Darren took it quickly but a saintly one tried to tackle before 10m and was yellow carded, and Myles kicked the penalty that went with the offence. The heroes finally had points on the board with 36 minutes gone; however, the saintly ones were soon back in our half and scored in the corner, which was converted to make the score 3-26. Mr London Irish was down injured and did not look happy as he walked off with the medic – he was replaced by Danny Kenny. The final score before half time was for the heroes, who won a scrum penalty which Myles kicked to make it 6-26.
Chapter 9 – The Stadium with Poo Corner
At half time in the battle, many things happened. The three bears (Reading Samaritans) were walking round the pitch – they had better get back to the changing rooms quick, before a prop sits on Baby Bear’s chair and breaks it.
Coming out of Poo corner were not pooh sticks but a large inflatable ball, ready for a race. Digger was bounding round the pitch – The wonderful thing about Diggers, Is Diggers are wonderful things, Their tops are made out of rubber, Their bottoms are made out of springs, They’re bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy, Fun, fun ,fun ,fun, But the most wonderful thing about Diggers, Is he’s the only one.
The very intelligent Owl, Big Bob Casey gave his half time analysis, saying that the heroes were perhaps over zealous but the scrum was doing well. He was assisted by David Paice as Glenn Delaney was ‘having a talk’ in the changing room!
Chapter 10 – The Battle – Part 2
Leo came on for Jamie Hagan. From the kick off, we got a penalty for blocking. It was in front of the posts but Myles kicked for the corner, the pack pushed over and Danny Kenny scored, which with Myles’ conversion made the score 13-26, two minutes into the second half. Had the heroes been eating the three bears’ porridge at half time? This score was followed by some good Irish pressure but no score until the saintly ones attacked and got a penalty for not releasing, which was kicked to make the score 13-29, after 15 minutes of the second half. With a quarter of the game left, the heroes got a penalty at a scrum, kicked to touch, then drove towards the try line, with Kieran Low spinning off the back of the pack to score in the corner , so (with the conversion attempt bouncing off the post), the score was 18-29. The fairy tale was not moving towards a happy ending for Sa and the heroes though, as 2 minutes later, the saintly ones kicked another penalty and then, after a kick to touch for another penalty, scored an unconverted try to make the score 18-36 with 15 minutes of the battle remaining. Jonny Harris was brought on for Matt Parr, and there were three more penalties against Irish and one against the saintly ones. With ten minutes to go, even Digger had stopped bouncing and was sitting by the touchline. With four minutes to go, Jimmy Stevens, Richard Palframan (changed back to a prop as the Fairy Godmother’s magic had long since run out), Ben Lonergan and Tom Bliss were brought on for Mike Mayhew, Leo, Kieran and Darren. Two further penalties were exchanged, before the saintly ones kicked though and we touched the ball down for a 5m scrum to them. Ben Lonergan then got carded on 80 minutes, with a penalty to the saintly ones, but the heroes won the ball from the scrum, attacked, won a penalty, kept fighting but the battle came to an end as the ball was knocked on. Sa and his heroes never gave up and fought beyond the end of battle time but the battle had been lost. They went over to thank the travellers in the East but only a few remained to catch one more glimpse of Sa.
Chapter 11- The End
The result of this battle was weighed in the LV scales and with no golden points accrued we are behind the three other challengers; however it will be 70 days before the Quest can be resumed. Before then, Sa and his heroes will need to engage in many other battles - how will they fare? The Wizard of Oz might be familiar with a song like this:
Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high
There's a land that I've heard of once from a Sunbury pitch.
Somewhere over the try line, tries are scored
And the dreams that you dare to dream,
Really do come true.
Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where penalties are far behind me.
Where troubles melt like bonus points,
Away above relegation,
That's where you'll find me.
Somewhere over the try line, other teams fly
They fly over the try line,
Why then, oh why can't I?
If the other rugby teams fly beyond the try line
Why, oh why can't I?
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Stumbleupon19/11/2013 16:23
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Even better than the first one!!
As the Monkees said:
Then I saw Sa's pace
Now I'm a believer
Not a trace of doubt in my mind
Faugh-a-Ballagh!
"Our prayer is 'God save Ireland' and pour blessings on her name!"
Vestigia Nulla Retrorsum
How about another Christmas story special, I seem to remember a very good one by Sam once upon a time.X
