***URGENT CLEARANCE SALE***

Hardly used Uruguayan Striker - Striking resemblance to Sally Gunnell.

Only £100

Argentinean Midfielder - Striking resemblance to Ali G

Amazing reduction from £28,000,000 to £10.99

67,000 Hotel Rooms in Glasgow for one night only, May 15th.

Any reasonable offer considered.

Open Top Double Decker - Cancellation for May 17th

30,000 T-Shirts "Manchester United - Champions League Winners 2002"

Only £1 Each while stocks last.

25,000 Commemorative Mugs "Double Winners 2002"

£10 The lot.

MISSING - Long faced Dutch footballer in white shirt with alarming tendency to fake own death in opposition penalty area. Last seen at 7.45 on the evening of April 30th. Reported missing 9.30 by colleagues who could not recall having seen him in the previous 90 minutes or so.

WANTED - Scotsman requires preposterous excuses for various occasions in next few days - all welcome!

All enquires to - Manchester United PLC, Sir Matt Busby Way, Old Trafford, Manchester, M16 0RA - Phone Number (0161) 868 8668