By Dave Eadevic
August 18 2011

And Yeah as I walk through the valley of Wearside I shall fear no Mackem!Well it’s here again the derby against the great unwashed hordes of the derelict pit they like to call Sunderland. A bit early in the season for my tastes to be honest, I like to build up to a derby about the end of September is about perfect.

Now normally I would attempt so sort of analysis of how I feel the game will go, but as I don’t know half our side, and I am not sure if the other half will still be there by Sunday I thought I would explore the curious race, that call themselves the Mackem.

Growing up in Newcastle you don’t spot Mackems, I mean they may exist there but they are bloody secretive about it.

So the first encounter most true Geordie’s have with the average soap dodger is through work.

There you will find they split into two categories Mackemus superior, and Mackemus inferior.

Let us take the first category Mackemus superior. Now the first thing to bear in mind is the name, it can be misleading, but they are in fact only superior to other Mackems.

They tend to be from outside of Sunderland itself, can often hold a semi-literate conversation for whole minutes, and become rather upset when you refer to them as Mackems.

They protest they are not; they are Geordies who support Sunderland. Do not let this sway you. Remember these are people that willingly wear red and white.

Now onto Mackemus Inferior, or naturalis sunderlandentis. In their natural home environment, they are a fairly harmless creatures, scratching a living from extremely fertile fat girls and their giro cheques, while congregating around a supa dupa computer, discussing which gent this particular set of keys could possibly belong to.

But put them all together in a large plastic hovel and they should be avoided at all costs. There primitive grunting can luckily be heard from a far distance and it is best to stay in the relative safety of a cordoned off area reserved for Tyneside naturalists to come and observe these lesser primates.

Being surrounded can be a bit nerve jangling, but just remember you too would be angry if you had to live here.

And yeah as I walk through the valley of Wearside....

Discussion started by TyneTalk (IP Logged), 18/08/2011 18:12

TyneTalk
18/08/2011 18:12

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tunyc
18/08/2011 18:31

Quote:

Geordies who support Sunderland

...vomited in my mouth a little just then...

Quote:

extremely fertile fat girls and their giro cheques

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senyabtoon
18/08/2011 22:02

first class was howling

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Biffins Bridge
18/08/2011 22:32

Good crack Dave.

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davenufc
20/08/2011 22:27

">I rest my case

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davenufc
20/08/2011 22:34

">And this is what I am watching and doing while not on here

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davenufc
20/08/2011 22:42

Please click on either of the above. Otherwise it just makes me seam even more surreal than normal.

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tunyc
23/08/2011 17:18

Were those supposed to make you seem less surreal?

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davenufc
23/08/2011 19:32

Well yes actually it was

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tunyc
25/08/2011 15:28

Not saying I didn't enjoy them...

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