By Pat
July 5 2005

Here it is folks!!! Brought to you by Patfooty himself Summer League Results and reports. Giant’s Stadium, New York. Round 15. Total Badass Muthas 1 Phoenix Whites 5
Supermen 4 Magnificent Six 1
Roaring Super Whites 0 Loidis 4
Fookin Invincibles 4 Bramley Whites 0
White Dogs Bollox 3 Gelderd End 4
Rochdale Whites 3 PL’s Peacocks 2
Leeds Ultra’s 5 PSV Hangover 3
Elland’s Eroes 2 Leeds Mullets 1
Mrs Koppy 2 Leeks United 4
Dills Dopes 0 Best of Whites 4
Ginger Ninjas 1 South Wales Whites 4
Hilda’s Heroes 1 Mighty Whites 0
Tetley Whites 1 Blue and Whites 4
Chicago Whites 4 Taffy’s Terrors 2.

Round 16

Best of Whites 3 Phoenix Whites 4
Total Badass Muthas 4 Magnificent Six 0
Supermen 0 Loidis 3
Roaring Super Whites 0 Bramley Whites 2
Fookin Invincibles 5 Gelderd end 3
White Dogs Bollox 1 PL’s Peacocks 0
Rochdale Whites 2 PSV Hangover 4
Leeds Ultra’s 2 Leeds Mullets 3
Mrs Koppy 4 Ellands Eroes 1
Dills Dopes 3 South Wales Whites 6
Ginger Ninjas 1 Mighty Whites 0
Hilda’s Heroes 1 Blue and Whites 2
Tetley Whites 3 Taffy’s Terrors 1
Chicago Whites 1. Leeks united 1.


Report.

What a weekend we have all had! After the players all arrived in the ground, mayhem broke out as Wocko tried to get to his seat in the stand, but was mobbed by thousands of screaming girls, all wearing “Wocko the Gent” tee shirts. Police finally restored order, and Kiwi Pete lent Wocko a “Fook off Stan” tee shirt to replace his torn one.

Matt Collins resplendent in his new all white suit tried to get in on the action, but the girls just pushed him away. He strode off to the beer tent in disgust, but soon cheered up when he saw the Mackeson stand.” I’ll Have one of them” he said.

Steve and Andy in their black suits arrived in a pink Cadillac to the tune of Jailhouse rock, both wearing Steve Bates designer sunglasses, $2 a pair.
SA and Azza went straight for the Baskin Robbins Stand and started a candy floss fight with two hundred children who were all wearing Bungalow tee shirts. Lora sneaked in with her Dodge Super hauler full of Bacardi and Alco pops, and Stan and Hilda arrived in Style in their new “Slag Brothers” car donated by Warner brothers.

LA and Scooter arrived together to the tune of “Living in America, but LA complained that the tour should have been on the west coast. “I hate internal flights” he added.” I hate anything internal” said scooter,” it keeps me on the bog for weeks”!!

Monkey just managed to get through customs and immigration. Eventually the guard agreed that Monkey Man was a real name and waved monkey to his cab with a lot of lol’s!!

Aussie White and Aussie Leeds took on the role of Crocodile Dundee for the day, asking very confused Americans where the dunny was!!

As the day progressed, it was obvious that this was not going to be Steve Bates Weekend, so he found the nearest grounds man and started to chat to him about how you keep the lawn in such good shape on an American football pitch.

Kiwi Pete managed to get the 75000 strong crowd all singing “Fook off Stanley” and Wocko joined in the Mexican wave.

Mrs Koppy lost only her second match of the tour, and insisted that she be taken back to her dressing room for a lie down. Koppy was not too pleased either, as he picked up the tab for the hire of Air Force One.
Greg had a mixed weekend, but told Sky reporters that he was just pleased to be here. “You have a beautiful country” he said.

Hugh and Devon moaned that they were not getting any press coverage at all, and were both really cross when they saw “Who the Fook is Hugh and Dev?” tee shirts and hats on sale.

As the weekend progressed, so did Wocko the Cool, creeping up on Mrs Koppy, and deposing LA from second place. It really was not a good weekend for LA, but he told Alan Green on five live that he preferred the home legs as he could get back to his beloved work as soon as possible.” If I’m out of the office too long, they miss me” he added.
Dodge and PL both had awful weekends. “Fook em” said dodge to the news reporters. But Milsner was left to regret a lot of missed chances that saw him rooted to the bottom.
Lora bought half the Baskin Robbins stand and was experimenting with making Bacardi sodas with Ice cream. Kiwi Pete on the other hand watched his team take a full six points, and started on a lap of honour in only his “Fook off Stan” underpants! Whilst this made Mrs Koppy faint at first, she soon recovered and went to buy a pair for Koppy.
As the sun set on our wonderful time here, I stood in the vast empty stadium. I could still here the Chants of “Wocko Wocko” ringing in my ears as I reflected on another great weekend.


I will leave you with the Match of the day……..



Roaring Super Whites vs Bramley Whites.

Flatcap led the teams on to the pitch. Dodge in his khaki tracksuit and Greg in a smart suit with a rather large Stetson with “I love NY” on the front.

As the game started, the crowd were at fever pitch, as first Vinnie Jones, and then Allan Clarke came close to opening the scoring. This basement clash was not going to be pretty, and several minutes later, a crunching tackle from Woodgate on Yeboah earned him a yellow card. Bramley however, cheered on by a less and less sober Greg, started to get a grip on the game, and right on Half time, as the Super whites began to run out of steam, Martyn rolled the ball forward to Woodgate, who evaded a lunging challenge from Bremner, and fed the ball through the middle to McAllister. McAllister rounded Batty, and launched an unstoppable drive past Robinson. Greg was still doing a lap of honour as Flatty blew the half time whistle.

The second half deteriorated a bit with lunging tackle after tackle. The Americans loved this and were cheering wildly as half way through the half, Jack Charlton fed the ball to the right for Allan Clarke. He went on an amazing run from his own halfway line, centred and finished off by rounding Robinson and tapping in for a second goal to Bramley.
The sting taken out of the match now, Bramley soaked up a fair bit of pressure from the ever amazing Yeboah, but held on to record a memorable victory.

Final Score. Roaring Super Whites 0 Bramley Whites 2


Next week we are off to Bramley Park, Bramley Yorkshire, boasting no less than six pitches. This will be reduced to two when we have got all the beer tents in, but nevertheless, I hope it will be as exciting.

Mrs Koppy remains top, but only just!!

See you all next week!


Please keep this to the top for a few days as it takes hours to fly home and do these reports. Hope you still enjoy them!! Keep Monkeys at the Top too!

pat