By Pat
May 23 2005

Summer League Report. NEC Birmingham, 21/22 May 2005 It has been another vintage weekend, with lots of ups and downs, and a surprising amount of changes in the Table! The atmosphere was set very early as the crowds queued outside the Arena. A record breaking crowd of 5, 000 with nothing better to do were in for a real treat this weekend.
First up the Red Carpet was Matt Collins, in a dashing Pinstripe suit with a cigar tucked into the pocket. He coolly predicted to the SKY News interviewer that this was going to be his weekend. If it wasn’t he added, any weekend will do. Next up, the Charismatic Steve Bates, brushing aside his female admirers with a tense smile and a wave. Andy Baggott arrived next, still celebrating his goals from last weekend and shouting “Take that Bates!!”

Greg arrived with Monkey Man, but when the groupies started to gather, he claimed that Monkey was his Limo driver.

Wocko arrived in shades with a cool look about him, but had a trolley boy carrying several boxes of Pizza behind him.

Mr and Mrs Koppy arrived together, but Mrs Koppy went to great lengths to point out to the media that her league position was the same as in the household. “ I always wear the trousers” she added.


The Merchandise sellers were in full flow. “FOOK OFF Stan” tee shirts were selling like hot cakes, as were “I scored at Earls Court” Tee shirts being marketed by the Baggott family. The usual Pie and burger vendors had gathered as I walked into the Arena, narrowly missing being run over by the Transporters that were unloading Lora’s Fridge with a small crane!!

As the matches got underway, Referee Pierluigi Collina announced that a new Linesman had been appointed, and Flat cap came into the Arena to wild Cheering from a group of ladies in Bikinis with interesting Head gear.

The Bar area was again, packed with the usual dependants and undesirables, but Hugh and Zico kept everyone entertained with their Karaoke performances. The Untouchables threatened to resign if Monkey didn’t stop writing their instructions down. “Does lol mean Left of left? One bemused player asked.

Azza and SA worked the crowd well, and at one point the Tannoy announced that SA’s dad was in the Arena. This turned out to be a false alarm, but even so, everyone was very impressed by SA’s run to the exit!!

As the weekend progressed, Mrs Koppy was left feeling very satisfied with her teams performance, as was Imre, whose team showed a marked improvement. Dodge celebrated his first win by streaking across the Arena, which annoyed LA, because he had just persuaded a young blonde to do the same, and the whole plan was now ruined.

Milsner, took the accolade of bottom with some aplomb, and told the waiting newsmen to “FOOK OFF” and added “I’ll be back”. I am sure he will be, but it does look bad for his team at the moment.

Aussie Leeds was left wondering what might have been, had his team converted the two chances they had all weekend, and Whitemight was less than pleased with his teams performance.

Lora told the Sky News team that she had fallen out with Rob Hulse, but also agreed that this would help her team’s chances, as Hulse was looking rather tired this weekend.

In the Bar afterwards, the main talk,(aside from Stan and Hilda’s punch-up which ended 2-0 to Hilda) was about the match of the day.

The Match the tee shirts were made for………..




Match Report.
Fookin Invincibles 4 Taffys Terrors 0

The atmosphere was electric as Stan and Kiwi led their teams on the pitch. Collina explained the Rules to them both, but Stan asked for an interpreter. Collina told him to just do as he was told and shut up, and Stan seemed to understand this pretty well. Collina instantly booked Pete for shouting “FOOK OFF Stan”. Stan appealed that this should have been a Red card, to which Collina replied “FOOK OFF STAN”!!

The Terrors kicked off and were immediately on the attack. Speed put a neat pass through the legs of Madeley, and Charles was clean on goal. Robinson came out quick, and managed to toe punt the ball as far as Bremner on half way. Bremner then outpaced Yorath on the left flank and passed to Allan Clarke who rounded Sprake but put the ball wide.

More pressure followed from the Terrors, with Yorath driving the team forward. Madeley however, had other ideas and a crunching tackle saw the ball spin out to the right wing to Terry Cooper. He crossed the half way line and let go a pile driver that Sprake could not even see. The ball shot into the bottom right hand corner. 1-0.

Just on Half time, Gary Speed, taking the ball from his own Dee, managed to weave his way down the right wing. He managed to shake off a tackle from Giles, before shooting low at Robinson’s goal. With Robinson stranded, everyone watched as the ball cannoned off the post to the feet of Charles. Charles lined up his shot, but Bremner was too quick, and his neat tackle sent Clarke clean on goal. Clarke’s shot went over the Bar, however and Collina blew for Half time.

Again the Second half started brightly for the Terrors, with Speed and Yorath causing a lot of problems for Bremner and Madeley who had their work cut out containing the barrage of attacks. The Terrors had thrown everything in to attack, but with three quarters of the match gone; a shot from Speed cannoned back off the advertising hording to Cooper. He flicked it past the oncoming Curtis, and Giles unleashed a volley that screamed low into the corner of the net, leaving Sprake helpless.

Stan began screaming at his players to “push up and get back into it”, but the Invincibles now had the upper hand. Allan Clarke robbing Speed of the ball on the halfway line and putting an inch perfect pass through to Giles who rolled the ball under the oncoming Sprake for 3-0.

In the dying seconds, Sprake handled the ball out f his area, gifting an easy penalty for Giles to convert.

As Collina blew the final whistle, the crowd rose as one to salute the fighting spirit of the terrors, and the awesome display from the Invincibles. They also rose to applaud Stan, who removed his tracksuit top to reveal his tee shirt. It said” FOOK OFF STAN”!! What a sportsman!


It has been a great weekend at the NEC, and next week we will be at St Nick’s recreation Ground in Stevenage for the next instalment.
The managers and players have all gone home, the cleaners are still wading through all the crisp wrappers and the Bar people have finally got Lora to leave..


See you next week!!


Pat.




This weekend report is dedicated to James McCrossan. Now 13. Love life, Live it well. Luv ya son!!