By Glen Leat
May 8 2003

When the Newcastle Falcons and their supporters visit the Rec for the final league game of the season this Saturday they will find the home side not only struggling to come to terms with the possibility of relegation but even worse a merger with near neighbours Bristol.

Right then, after my controversial match report on Sunday let's see who gets offended this time.

Can there ever have been a worse time in the history of Bath Rugby? Well the simple answer to this question has to be no! But without doubt the lesser of the two evils has to be relegation. The last time Newcastle beat Bath at the Recreation Ground was as far back as 23 August 1997 (13 - 20) when the Falcons were on the up and Bath treading water. If only Bath were treading water now; because of a catalogue of injuries to the experienced players the youngsters had their water wings stripped off them early in the season and were told to get out of the warm confines of the shallow end and head fast for the colder deep end where they could not keep a reassuring toe on the bottom of the pool. Not surprisingly the team found itself struggling to keep afloat and last week against Bristol took another large gulp of unforgiving cold, dark water; one more such intake of metaphorical water will see Bath Rugby sink to the bottom, but who is the lifeguard capable of rescuing and breathing new life into them?

Andrew Brownsword has asked all Bath supporters to trust him, and what choice do we have. It may be our club in spirit but it's his club where it matters these days - on a register in Companies House. Ok Andrew we will trust you but, as with a whipped dog, you can only smack us once before we run away whenever you come near!

Hey what's this business of kicking off at 3.00pm? I can't remember the last time we started a game so late, is it to get us ready for life in the lower division where the opposition will not tolerate this "Fancy Dan Georgian City" stuff of playing in the early afternoon to allow more time for tiffin? Mind you as Sideshow Bob has organised a Bouncy Castle for us all we will need a bit longer between staggering out of the bar, a quick bounce and on to our seats to recover. The thought of Coochie Coo and his posse slipping off their loafers and fighting with the eight year-olds to get prime spot in the middle of the castle is enough to persuade me to stay in the bar a bit longer - ah-ha the logic finally hits home, they're clever people these business types at the club.

I see that England's Professional Rugby Players' Association has announced a shortlist for their end-of-season awards, with five players vying to be named players' player of the year. I wonder if any of the Bath players on the pitch tomorrow will be shortlisted; unlikely eh! Mind you some of our players could be nominated for other awards, including:

* most disappointing international playing for their club;
* back line least likely to break through the gain line;
* best example of an aimless kick out of defence;
* most accidental offside penalties given away in one game;
* fewest bonus points achieved during the season.

On the positive side Jonathan Humphreys could claim a prize for the most motivated veteran in the league, Olly Barkley would be there or thereabouts as key place kicker in an otherwise average team and Elvis would win the most exciting newcomer award.

As for the match itself just over a quarter of you have voted in favour of a Bath victory and given that the Falcons have a higher league place to play for and consequently a better spot in the play-off draw this result is understandable. On the strength of our performance last week the local bookies are likely to offer generous odds on a Bath win/avoid relegation/avoid merger bet - take it as a single bet or a treble, the choice is (theirs)!

We need a performance which is quite simply the best of the year, in fact the best since we pulled off that famous victory in Bordeaux in 1998. Unfortunately this time we do not have the wise old heads of yesteryear to guide us through this nightmare scenario so here are a few suggestions for Danny Grewcock and his men:

* play in the opposition half at all times, even if you don't have the ball (it will confuse the opposition);
* kick every penalty that is within 50 yards of the sticks, do not try to gain extra points by going for touch etc because we rarely make progress from these plays;
* when making clearance kicks out of defence aim for the touchline even if you lose a few yards, it's better than setting up the opposing team for a counter attack;
* do not concede a single penalty within sixty yards of goal because young Jonny will make you pay;
* stop fannying about at the back of the scrum - keep it simple and make it quick;
* keep Humphreys on for the whole game, the bloke's a real motivator and he has tidied up our lineout play nicely;
* score more points than Newcastle;
* play your hearts out and burst your lungs for the cause - anything other than a win is unacceptable; and if we lose
* look to be as gutted as the supporters around you because you can be sure we will be devastated!

Let's look at how you voted on this game:

Question: Will Bath beat Newcastle? Yes 28% No 47% Don't Know 5% Draw 0% Don't Care Anymore 20%

Click on to the Newcastle Falcons site for their perspective on things.

Click here to read about the encounter between Bath and Newcastle earlier in the year.

In preparation for this clash let's have a look at a few recent statistics:

Biggest Win

Player Greats

Last Meetings (Bath scores first)