By T
November 19 2003

So 9 games gone and things are…well….Ok really. We’re not bottom and have beaten fellow strugglers Rotherham to put daylight between us and the drop. With another novice overseas coach again in charge - but Rod doesn’t come with a monster sized ego that would look at home battling against ‘Mothra’ and ‘Godzilla’ in a post apocalyptic Tokyo - things do seem to be moving in the right direction. Under Kafer’s charge I’d even go as far to say I have seen positives from every game I have attended (yes even Wasps). Which is better than the bleak days of the last three seasons, and while not setting the world alight we are laying the foundations.

On the pitch a certain individual has shone for me. I know the grizzled types who sit near by drool every time Randell touches the ball, but Richard ‘Del-Boy’ Haughton has been the class act for me so far this season. The Lad from Luton has blown people away by his finishing and the apparent ease he goes past defenders this season, but he has a secret, something that can explain ‘Del’s’ sudden rise through the ranks over the last couple of years and I think I might just have the answer.

Now you ‘Fezheads’ reading will be muttering ‘it’s his defence’ or ‘he’s bulked up’ right now…but that would be obvious, and if you forgive me a little bit simple of you…I’m talking about his hair.

Like the mighty Samson ‘Del’s’ real strength lies in his hair, but unlike the former England Leftback who was cruelly duped by a nasty Welsh woman ‘Del’s’ hair allows him to waltz through gaps that don’t appear to exist, to dump defenders on their backsides and generally leave us fans gasping as the hirsute one cuts lines that a Colombian would be proud of.

Now forgive me one second as I get a little David Bellemy/Terry Nutkins on you, as the science bit is coming… ‘Del’s’ secret ability is for his hair to take on a simple natural defence mechanism that has been used for millions of years known as flocking.

Fish, birds and antelope use this technique to avoid predators; by sticking together and moving as a unit they appear to be not only bigger than they are but also confuse predators with flashes of colour and undulations. By flocking into different shapes and reforming when split it makes it very difficult for the predators to pick and lock onto a target. The normal actions of the predator when faced with flocking is to give up and rest, trying to regain their energy for an easier target later on.

Now next time you see our very own big haired magician weaving a merry dance watch his hair very closely. On reaching full speed and confronted with a defender his large barnet dips, bobs, shimmies and sways - classic flocking motion - not only taking the eye of the defending fullback and confusing retreating wings but giving ‘Del’ the fraction of a second he needs to whiz past them to the line. The defenders trying to stop him frequently end up on their backsides resting and hoping for an easier target later on.

The ability for ones hair to flock has yet to be investigated by the IRB but other sides have been known to try to hunt him in packs as a way of getting round his unique hair, but it shows no real signs of stopping him. The flocking method works very well against Tigers both in the wild and the wild card, and as any small fish will tell you it’s equally adept against Sharks aswell.

Lets hope we get the ball to him on Friday eh?!