Northampton Saints
News: AP Final - The Thoughts of Monty Masters
By Monty Masters
May 23 2013
In the build-up to The Aviva Premiership Final between Northampton Saints and Leicester Tigers the COYSDC editors asked website stalwarts Montague Masters and Bert Haddon for their thoughts on Saturday's Final. Here's what they had to say...
Dearest fans, it is with great pleasure that I accepted the editors offer to pen my thoughts on Saturday's monumental East Midlands derby. Obviously I'm a busy man with all the spring events on the Estate however with my experience it is a mere trifle to gather my ponderings in a meaningful way.
It is with good heart that I travel with my driver Dexter on Saturday after all Northampton Saints have a much better record in this final. The Tigers have lost it many times already. To be frank capitulating in this final for Leicester has become a bit of a habit. Before the play offs and the advent of open professionalism Tigers were habitual second best to Bath? Bless them! History suggests that one green,black and gold hand is already on the trophy.
Local rivalry for this fixture runs deep and extends beyond Rugby Football. Of course one should remember that Association Football is in fact a bigger deal in Leicester unlike Northampton where the rugger stadium is twice the size of it's footie counterpart. However there is much more for those North of Welford to envy. In Northamptonshire we power the nation via Weetabix, we invented the iconic Doc Marten's boots, produce probably the best lager in the world, have the only state school to ever make the Daily Mail cup final and of course that very same school produced the current Doctor Who. (Although it needs to be said that my alma mata was in fact a much sturdier institution as Northampton Grammar School for Boys, being the national association football champions for me suggests the introduction of the wrong elements). Then of course we come to a lack of imagination. Why, oh why in their long existence has no one in Leicester ever managed to come up with a song? Their one word rendition is only out tediumed by Bath and Wasps, teams they have spent so long trying to emulate. I have it on good authority that Tigers supporters long to enjoy themselves in the manner we do.
I fully expect the match on Saturday to be a full on trouncing, a total rout or as the Mighty Young Joe used to say, total gersplatteration. You might be interested to know that the little lad who entertained us all will be in be in attendance at Twickenham. I had a chat with the 6ft 4 former little chap and set him the task of interviewing some local types. He talked to a gentleman who wishes to remain anonymous but we will refer to as horizontal beard man. HBM stated that he knows the secret of the Tigers game plan and that he'd had it knitted into his splendid jumper, it was at this point that great big Joe decided HBM might not be the best person to ask! GBJ made enquiries with other regulars on his regular school route including Alsatian dog woman, rucksack lady, angry girl, miss straight arms, wobbly head bike man and finally he ran into Saints Shirt man. Once they'd dusted each other down GBJ gleaned some interesting facts about the psyche of the Northampton fan in the street. Apparently we're going down there, win, lose or draw to have a jolly good time, the may be the odd shandy involved and anyone returning with an intact voice will be taunted as a faint hearted Lilly livered Jessie.
All that aside dear readers, you may have been wondering on what grounds your servant (well its more the other way around but I'm sure you understood that,) Montague Masters is so brimful of confidence and chipper beyond bursting point? It's really quite simple. In Jim I trust. Everything the magnificent Mr Mallinder has achieved has been leading us to this day. It's written in the stars, we've even lulled the old enemy into a false sense of security by under performing on the last eight occasions. The players are touting something called a hashbag about whynotus on blither or some such contraption but the message is valid. Why not us? Why not indeed. Come on you splendid Jimmies, get amongst them and duff them right up!
As ever I head to dear old Bert Haddon, the oldest living Saints season ticket holder, jimmy's end allotment society bursar and all round good egg. I gave him a tinkle and this was his artizan reply. He's a bit local so please excuse his colloquial effect!
"Gord blarmey Montee yer twerp I Woz abayt to pull that sort frum beeoind the bar! Ov corse Saints ull win on Satdee an then we'll all get bleeding larruped. Mind ya, oi was gonna get larruped eny how. Your raind - moines a smoov, nun er that andpull muck!"
As ever I have no idea what he said.
Tally Bally Ho!
M x
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Stumbleupon23/05/2013 23:32
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It wouldn't be an occasion without your erudition, insight an wonderful communications skills. Although you must keep Dexter off the post match smoov, you don't want a repeat of the great Nobottle road fiasco.
David L
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
- Live wrong and preposterously
Mr Masters has become a bit of a wise old bird. I like the cut of his jib.
"Your days are numbered. Use them to throw open the windows of your soul to the sun. If you do not, the sun will soon set, and you with it."
-- Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor 161-180 A.D.
No alcohol for January. I'm a dryathlete in aid of cancer research.
Dryathlon
Any chance of some scratchings Bert?
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Please sponsor me for Saints with Heart [www.justgiving.com]
David L
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
- Live wrong and preposterously
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