By BatQuin
May 16 2003

We were all in fine voice as we took our seats in the West Stand (posh eh?) for the first leg of this Wild Card play-off against Leicester Tigers. Dean Richards was seen smiling as he wandered about the touchline. Scotty came by to tell us to keep the noise down. Hmmmmm. Not much chance of that. Harley and Charley put on a fine display of rugby on the pitch.

OK, time to pay attention. Teams on the pitch. Tigers kick off and Burkey catches and puts the ball into touch. Up the field; down the field, and then it appears that Harvey the Invisible Winger is in a Tigers’ shirt and they put the ball into touch. Apparently not. Despite much advice coming from the West Stand, the ref gives the throw to Tigers who collect and push forward. Next minute Nebbett and Tani are involved in a mini-fracas on the pitch.

Scrum to Tigers who (allegedly) are all coming in from the wrong side. The Touch Judge nearest to us seems oblivious to what is going on and does nothing, much to the annoyance of the Quins fans around me.

They have a lineout; we have a lineout . . . the Horned Helmet short-circuits and is quiet for a while. A knock-on by Quins and Tigers have a scrum. Quins get hold of the ball and Nathan finds touch. A bad kick to touch from Tigers following their lineout and then Murphy appears to tackle Ugo in mid-air. Cue much gesticulating from the fans and a bit from the players. Lineout to us which was ‘fab’ according to my notebook! Anyway, Luger charges forward, goes past a couple of players, but his move comes to nothing.

Next thing I know, Shaggy is kicking to touch from the Tigers’ half. We steal the Leicester throw but to no avail. A forward pass by Leicester leads to a Quins scrum and Matt Powell collects the ball. Shouts of ‘offside’ are heard. The ref agrees and it’s a penalty to us. Sadly Burkey’s kick just shaves the wrong side of the right-hand post.

Lots of to-ing and fro-ing going on. Tigers keep coming in from the wrong side; the touch judge doesn’t appear to see anything anyone’s doing on our side of the pitch and then Shaggy picks up the ball and finds touch again. Leicester’s lineout is followed by a bit of a fracas between Tani and Corry (more about him later) but it’s all calmed down by Quins’ captain. Rubbish kick to touch by Leicester is followed by a rubbish lineout by us.

Surely it must be half time by now? Nope, still only about 17 minutes gone. Good heavens. Anyway, Mel Deane goes ploughing into a Tigers player (think it might be Tuilagi) and the noise it makes can be heard in the West Stand. Penalty to Leicester. Depending on your view, that was either a good decision as Mel did appear to ‘Ace’ the guy with his shoulder, or it was a silly decision because it was a fair tackle and the ref is in need of glasses. Stimpson scored anyway and at 19 minutes it is 3-0 to the Tigers.

The touch judge running the line in front of the West Stand also swapped sides at 19 minutes – bet he could still hear us over the other side though!!

Almost immediately following Tigers’ penalty, Tani is shooting up the field to score a marvellous try. Dippy had rucked the ball out (hey, that sounds technical eh?) and passed to Shaggy who had passed to Tani who caught it and scored. Yippee. Easy conversion by Paul ‘we love you Burkey’ Burke and it’s 7-3 to us.

20 mins – Karl Rudzki comes on as a blood replacement for Bill Davison.

Leicester get another penalty as Quins are penalised for playing the ball on the floor. I have it on good authority that our player was on his feet the whole time so it’s justice that Stimpson misses.

Lloyd is tearing up the pitch until Tani stops him. Ball to Vos, then to Dippy then to Dan . . . but Dan doesn’t catch it. Leicester find touch and then our lineout is awarded but in the wrong place. We have the ball. Roy passes to Nathan, whose legs are being grabbed. Scrum to us. Ball to Shaggy, then to Dan, then to Matt P who looks like he’s about to lose it, but Mel Deane catches the ball and drives over for a fine-looking try.
YAY! Burkey’s conversion attempt JUST makes it.

27 minutes gone – 14-3 to Quins.
28 minutes – Billy D back on

Lots of things I can’t are see going on on the other side of the pitch. Quick lineout to us and Burkey has the ball. We push forward and Mr Vos is seen giving the referee some advice too (bet he’s more polite than the fans though!) The ref listens and we get a penalty. And another 3 points to Quins.

32 minutes gone – 17-3 to Quins

And another lineout. We have the ball. Burke kicks to touch (see, I told you there was a lot of this!). They throw and it’s about as straight as Julian Clary! Leicester have the ball and it goes to Lloyd who completely bodges his touch kick. Our throw and Bill D collects. Not sure what happened next as I had a ‘Roy’s shorts’ moment. Hot flushes all round. Right, where were we? Matt P hoofs a kick upfield and there’s a knock-on by Tigers.

Scrum to Tigers but apparently they are pulling back so ref blows up and we get a free kick. And back comes the ball. Rubbish throw by Leicester. Good tackle by Burke . . . and another one by Shaggy. Scrum. Mel Deane’s got the ball . . . erm, not sure what’s going on. Another good tackle by Burke on Tuilagi. Big pile of bodies and some people around me are calling for the repatriation of Josh Kronfeld. Seems to be obvious holding on by Leicester but not noticed. Referee appears to have changed his name, without the aid of deed poll, to ‘LANDER’.

2 mins of injury time signalled. Geordon Murphy goes tearing up the pitch but is stopped by Shaggy as he releases to Chuter who is tackled by Ugo . . . and then Gelderbloom is floored with the ball and he won’t let go. Thank heavens. Half time! 17-3 to us.

Blimey, they’re back. Off we go again. Simon Miall has been replaced by Jim Evans, no replacements for Leicester and the bald touch judge is back on our side again.

Dippy picks up the ball from a bad Leicester kick. Lots of clapping around me means a decision has gone our way. Penalty to us in first minute of second half. 3 more points to Quins - 20-3

Then came the most awful snapping noise and Andre Vos collapsed in a heap on the side of the pitch. Andre is rolling around in agony and play continues. Leicester get a penalty and score from it. No clue why – I was too busy worrying about Andre. Sorry. 20-6 to Quins.

Andre gets up and remains on the pitch. Huge sighs of relief. What a hero!

Great kick to touch by Nathan. Then scrum to us but Burkey and Shaggy manage to lose the ball. Lots of bated breath as Andre goes in for a tackle and he and his shoulder remain intact. Phew! Lots of great tackling by Quins (well, I think it’s good anyway) and we have the ball. Great runs by Mel Deane and Shaggy, but then Leicester get it back and Corry won’t release it. Suddenly Paul Burke has the ball and that’s 3 points to us for a drop goal in the 8th minute. Yippee!

Second half /8th minute – 23-6 to Quins.

Massive surge forward by Leicester but they pass to Harvey who’s on the field again. Ugo collects the ball but momentum carries him over the tryline so it’s a scrum to Leicester. Good defending by us and Andre goes in to more tackles. We steal the ball and Matt P kicks to touch on the halfway line.

Leicester bring on Garforth, Johnson and West.

Now it may just have been coincidental but the game degenerated into a bit of a fisticuffs over our side of the pitch after their appearance. The ‘fight’ is still going on when the ball is long-gone and no-one seems to care (well, except for the fans who are screaming at the TJ). I may not understand the laws of the game but I’m pretty sure punching isn’t allowed!

How Leicester were able to score during this fracas is beyond me, but the ref signalled that Murphy had indeed added 5 points to their total. Hmmmmmm. Stimpson converted and the score is now 23-13 to Quins.

Quins replace Gomez with Ceri Jones and Billy D with Karl Rudzki.

The older, slightly balding touch judge was also replaced. He limped off too!
OK, replacements on and play is over on the other side of the pitch. There is a lot of booing coming from the East Stand and my guess is that Mr Garforth is throwing his weight around again, or Mr Kronfeld is not exactly abiding by the rules . . . or perhaps both? Following a short chat with Mr K, the ref awards Quins a penalty which Burkey unfortunately puts underneath the cross-bar.

A kick from Burkey is marked by Tigers who then find touch on the halfway line. Rowntree (I think) comes on as a blood replacement for Freshwater. Leicester are starting to look a bit dangerous and they take the ball into touch on the far side of the pitch. Again, lots of noise from the East Stand indicates that the Quins fans aren’t happy about what’s going on. After a brief deliberation, Corry is binned for demonstrating his boxing skills. About time too! Sadly, Burkey doesn’t score with the penalty.

Tani Fuga is replaced by James Hayter.

There is some good tackling by Ugo and Burkey but Garforth seems intent on the match becoming a boxing contest and things are getting a bit heated.

29 minutes into the second half and Dippy is back on and Roy goes off . . . which is a shame (not that Dippy’s on, you understand, but that Roy’s off)
McMullen off/Vesty on for Leicester. Quins collect the ball from their lineout and drive up the pitch before the whole move is brought down by Tigers. Jim Evans tries to get forward, and Leicester are deemed to be offside and Burkey scores from the penalty.

31 minutes into the second half and it’s 26-13 to Quins.

Dippy collects the ball from the Leicester kick-off and Burkey finds touch. Leicester are re-enacting the Julian (Clary, that is) throw from earlier, but it’s not spotted. Mr Garforth seems to be doing his windmill impressions again, but Leicester are awarded a penalty. I don’t know why, but it doesn’t matter because they missed. Hurrah!

Corry comes back on, although some of my fellow supporters appear to be suggesting that he didn’t spend the whole 10 minutes in the bin and I have it on good authority that he was being ‘communicated with’ by members of the Leicester staff, which I understand isn’t permitted! Naughty, naughty.

Quins defending on the far side of the pitch means it’s hard to see what is going on (well, for me anyway) and it’s getting quite dark by this point too. We manage to collect the ball and then promptly knock it on.

From this Martin Corry, that thoroughly nice gentleman, scores for Leicester. Stimpson converts so at 36 minutes gone the score is 26-20 to Quins. Scott Bemand replaces Matt Powell.

Things are getting quite hairy now. Fans are shouting ‘he’s offside’ in an attempt to aid the referee in his difficult task . . . let’s face it, the touch judges weren’t much help to him! Quins attempt to kick for touch and they find it, but the ball clearly comes off a Leicester player. Leicester get the throw. Is it any wonder I don’t understand this game?!

At this stage, I am not really paying attention because it’s got too exciting to write. Burkey kicked and a Leicester player collects and then passes to Harvey. Lots of fumbling and Quins try to get the ball, but the Leicester player won’t release the it, and his own men are stamping on him in an attempt to get it out! Josh Kronfeld goes off and Hamilton replaces him. And then Leicester get another penalty in injury time and we hope that as it’s quite far out Stimpson will miss. He doesn’t. 3 more points to Leicester.

Quins are pushing forward from the kick off when the referee blows for full time.

Final Score 26-23 to Harlequins. Tony Diprose named Man of the Match.

Will I ever do this again? Probably not!



PRESS CONFERENCE

So, off I toddle to the Press Hut where all the seasoned hacks are waiting for Mark Evans and Scotty. Maybe I might pick up some useful tips . . . so I sit quietly in the corner and listen. “It’s never over ‘til it’s over” says one guy. You don’t say? Good at stating the bleedin’ obvious these journos aren’t they?

In come Mark and Scotty.

Q: So, Mark, how pleased/frustrated were you at the performance/result?

ME: I was disappointed. We played sensible rugby and I thought we were pretty much in control. Things turned on Leicester’s first try which went straight through a fight to be honest. The Touch Judge said he’d seen it and then walked away. He’s either seen it or he hasn’t . (No Mark, I think you’ll find he’s SEEN it, but is too much of a coward to tell the Ref)

We had a grip on the game but missed a couple of kicks. It’s hard to blame Paul Burke – he missed those he would normally slot. Credit to Leicester. They played better in the second half but it was an unusual first try.

We have a chance obviously, but you do have to make them favourites. Their try changed the balance of the game. Rugby games pivot on crucial things and that was a crucial thing (Erm, that’s one way of putting it!)

We have to regroup. We will go there on Sunday and see what we can make of it.

Q: Are you disappointed with the officials?

ME: You have to draw your own conclusions. I never criticise officials in public. I will keep my own counsel on that, tempting as it may be to do otherwise.

Q: What does ME think of the Wild Card system?

ME: I am a fan of the Wild Card. It will take people time to get into it and with European games you don’t have total control of your fixture list which makes it difficult but I think people will grow into it.

The beauty of it [the WC system] is that players are playing in tight and meaningful games. I think it’s good for English rugby. It’s terrific. We will go up [to Welford Road] on Sunday and we’ve got a lot to play for. I am disappointed with the result but fair credit to Leicester. They edged it back. We’ll just see how we go.

Q: Are there any injuries

ME: Tani has had a chest infection but that’s just an illness; Matt Powell had a bit of cramp in his hamstring, and Andre (I hold my breath and glare at Scotty) . . . . is OK. (Phew! Huge grin from your reporter)

Q: How much is the Heineken Cup worth? (I assume Mr Journo isn’t trying to find out how much he can sell it on the open market for!)

ME: Financially it’s not worth a huge amount but you want to be in it. You get higher gates than for Parker Pen matches and it is the premier European competition. It was too early for us last year in our development. Ideally we would like to get into it next year. We have an improving side. We’re not there yet . . . we need depth, but we have young players coming through and we are better equipped. There is a financial incentive but it is not about that. It’s a more exciting season when you are in the Heineken Cup.

Evs finished by saying that Quins have one more player to sign but he’s not telling us whether it’s a back or a forward. Cue more speculation the Message Board then!!

Off they go into the night, while I sit and wait for Deano. Hurry up Dean, I want a drink!

Several hours later (or so it seemed listening to the journos mumbling to each other), in comes Deano and gives yours truly a very odd look. I wasn’t even wearing the trews! Perhaps he thought I wouldn’t be impartial in my reporting . . . . . .

Q: So Dean, were you satisfied with only a 3 point deficit?

DR: I am disappointed that we gave 3 soft tries away and conceded 3 stupid penalties (Ahem! Pardon?) but I am satisfied that we came back from a 17 point deficit.

Q: So this is advantage Leicester?

DR: Not sure. They will come to Leicester and fight for everything (No, Dean we’ll PLAY – fighting is what your guys do best). Josh Kronfeld has a hamstring problem (shame!) and we’ll see how that fares over the next few days.

Q: Your substitutions made an impact. Will you start with them on Sunday?

DR: I think 6 players made an impact. Harlequins came over the top and killed the ball (GRRRRRRRRRRRRR) but after the replacements came on they had impact. They are no spring chickens. The average age of our replacements was 31 and that’s with a 19 year old. They have had 3 games in 8 days which is not the best for them. (Ah, didums)

Q: What about the Geordon Murphy try?

DR: He picked great lines and has done all season. His finishing was what you’d expect from someone of his ability. It was the turning point. We had put pressure on them but not looked like scoring a try.

Q: Did Murphy run through a fight?

(OF COURSE HE DID! Oh, sorry, you weren’t asking me were you?)

DR: No (AHEM!) he picked a great line. The fight (oh, so you admit there WAS a fight do you?) was over by 5 or 6 seconds by that time.

Q: Do you like the Wild Card?

DR: It’s a strange way of rewarding someone who has 12 wins over a season and then they may end up with nothing, but in last Saturday’s games everyone had something to play for which makes for an interesting end to the season.

Q: Why are Leicester in this position?

DR: There are a number of issues, notably injuries and unavailability. No one thing is a problem.

Q: Have the players played well enough?

DR: I would not blame the players or the coaching staff. Leicester did not play well enough in the first half tonight and we gave them 2 easy tries but I was delighted with the way they came back. Being in the HC creates a huge amount of interest but we have also won 4 league titles which is more important.

Q: So, is Tim Stimpson going to Perpignan?

DR: Not that he’s aware of. He’ll be at Leicester next season . . . he has another year left to run on his contract.

Before yours truly could ask why Darren Garforth feels the need to throw his fists around, one of the amateur hacks ended the press conference with ‘See you on Sunday then’.

Indeed – See you on Sunday. Come On You Quins :o)