By Binky
December 6 2002

It was a strange experience walking into the all but deserted Welford Road (WR) ground. Was it my imagination or was there an air of shock after the discovery that the unsinkable had sunk, fortress pussycat is no longer impregnable and the inhabitants have been exposed to a bit of pillage.

With the self-satisfied smirk of somebody who has just witnessed the school bully getting a damn good thrashing from the fags, I meandered into the Tigers lair wondering if our second team could pull a few more teeth from this now not-so-scary beast.

Finding WR in the dark was an adventure in itself, but having arrived, I drove into the WR car park to be told by the surly attendant "Can't park here - use NCP" (she was probably surly 'cos she spotted the Saint Michael carrier bag in the car). £3 lighter from the car park, I walked to the ticket office and asked for tickets for the Reserves game. "Extras" uttered the lady behind the security screen. "No thanks", I replied "It's too cold, but thanks for the offer". It would appear that the Tiggers refer to the Reserves as Extras? £5 was charged, but the lady said that the ticket could be redeemed against a first team ticket. "Saints Alive" (hee hee) I proclaimed "Why the heck would I want to do that?". Anybody want an Extras ticket they can redeem for a 1st team game at WR?

Lonely, I wandered over to the Crumbly stand and took a seat as the players ran on to warm up. Matt Powell glanced nervously at the hordes of supporters (me) and was probably grateful that the away support outnumbered the home supporters. However, more and more Tiggers supporters ambled their way into the Crumbly and finally, Mike Scott appeared on the scene. I asked him very politely to do the match report. He declined. I offered him money - there was a glimmer of interest, but he still declined. I fell to my knees and begged, but he walked away sniggering saying "write what you like - nobody is here to disagree with you". Git!

I waited for the start of the game chatting to a few Tigger supporters. "S'Ain't half cold, isn't it? (hee hee) - shame about Saturday", I opined. To a man the Tiggers supporters almost opened their other eye in shock and rage. "Northampton are a dirty side… they were lucky… we didn't have our best team out… the Ref was cr@p…it's good to lose because that record was becoming a millstone etc etc".

Anyway - to the match report. The boring Welsh MWTM worked us up to a fever pitch of boredom, announcing "..and here come the Harlequin team, led on by their Captain Simon Miall zzzzzz".

1st Half.
Quins (Q) started the match and almost immediately Leicester (L) are awarded a penalty as Q go offside. L find touch at the half way line and take throw. Rudski jumps very early and is held high in the air, but L are awarded a penalty as Q pull down the line. L don't find touch - Q return, but again don't find touch and finally L clear to half way. Q throw long to back of line and L steal, but knock-on. The subsequent scrum was very messy and the short and petulant referee had problems with this all the way through the match. Scrum was blatantly pulled down by L, but the referee awards a penalty to L. Dawson offers some verbals to opposite number, but before he has a chance to chuck his handbag he is hauled away. "Careful Honey Monster - you may be Saint Off", I offered. L find touch on Q 22m line, Rudzki has a few words with the Ref and L cleanly take the long throw. Tierney makes a good, darting run, but is tackled very solidly and knocks on. Q pick up, but Ref plays no advantage as the ball is passed along the Q line with an overlap and the L try line unopposed. From scrum Barret slices kicks into the Crumbly Stand (careful it may fall down). L take the line out on the Q cleanly and pass along the line, but Q tackle extremely well - Ugo makes a massive tackle in the centre then dashes back out to cover on the wing. L form a rolling maul, but it is not as beautiful as a Quins one. Adam Balding makes 15-20 metres on a blinding run but is held up again by excellent Q covering tackles, although a penalty is awarded to L for offside. L take a tap penalty, pass along line 5m from Q try line, a ruck is formed and, as the ball came out of the ruck, Miall(?) pushed the ball out of the L player's hands. L find touch at 5m from the penalty, but lose possession from the messy take and Q find clear to touch. L throw short, form a rolling maul, which is held and then pushed back by Q. From the resulting ruck Gelderbloom makes a clean break, passes to Lloyd, who is soundly tackled and the ball not grounded. Ref ignores my solitary pleas, Raynor makes a darting run to the Q22m, forms a ruck and then L knock on. Jarvis clears well from the resulting scrum, to very polite applause from the One-eyes. Ugo is pulled off by the management to be replaced by Tom Allan. L take a long throw, but it is not straight. Free kick to Q on the L 22m, crash ball from centres, superb passing and handling along the line to both wings, Jarvis and Willcocks combine exceptionally well to break the L line, excellent tackling by L, but Q retain possession but the long pass to Williams is knocked-on on the line.

L clear from the scrum and Mockford knocks the ball back from the resulting lineout. Q maintain solid possession, but are wrongly accused of obstruction (this one-eye bit is catching). L slice the kcik from the scrum, but steal the following lineout, clearing to Q half. Clean take from Rudski, rolling maul, but L pull down the maul and Q are awarded a penalty. Jarvis finds touch inside L 10m. Long messy throw and Miall launches on a dummy run, ball passed to Left wing but Dawson knocks on, only for a penalty to be awarded against L for crossing? Jarvis slots home the penalty.

21 mins - L 0 Q 3

From the drop out and short burst of play a penalty is awarded to L for offside. Tim Taylor scores

23 mins - L3 Q 3

Restart is taken cleanly by L, strong tackling by Quins, but L knock on. L drive before ball is put into the scrum, but Ref resets scrum has word with Q front row!!. Scrum collapses and is reset yet again. Ball is cleared and L repeatedly over the top in the tackles. There is a high tackle on Barratt but L get put in to scrum following a knock-on. Scrum messy yet again. Penalty to L as Cardinalli accused of pulling down the scrum - but Ref, you dozy pillock, even I could see it was L doing the pulling down - D'OH!. L slice the kick into the crumbly on half way line, throw and form a rolling maul, which marches on about 15m to huge cheers from the one-eyes. Suddenly a dastardly punch, straight out of the Cockerill book, is thrown by Holford and returned with interest by Griffin with a flurrty of punches. Griffin and Holford are binned and, in my opinion, Griffin was totally wrong - He threw wild, erratic haymakers when they should have been short, well aimed jabs. A few lessons needed from Sir Jase, I feel. Both players leave the field sheepishly grinning at each other like naughty schoolboys.

L take the lineout cleanly, rolling maul, ball out and stolen by Q. Miall tackled from behind by L player, but offloads the ball well through to Jarvis, who throws a long, long pass out to Reay, the ruck forms and the ball is passed back again. Forward pass by Quins but not spotted by Ref. L go forward, but Q get the put in on scrum. One eyes blinking everywhere outrageously. Long kick by Jarvis to L 22m and the one-eyes complain about the number of Quins in the line, which Q steal anyway, only for Mockford to knock on. L clearance doesn't find touch so William returns and finds touch between the L 10m-22m. L throw and are awared a penalty as Q pull down. L find touch on Q 10m line, clear the lineout pass along the line, chip on and kick is collected by Jarvis, but with no support. L go over the top yet again, but but scrum is awarded to L on the Q 10m line. Scrum solid, Taylor completes a lovely chip through, dashes on, picks up the ball, chips again across the line and Jarvis couldn't hold onto it on the line (replay of lasts weeks Frodo incident?) Try L Tim Taylor. Con missed

35 Mins L 8 Q 3

From the restart, Q defence holds up very well to the L onslaught and finally Balding produces a superb long grubber which Williams has to run into touch on the Q 22m line. Long throw cleanly caught, passed to Gelderbloom, Lloyd and finally the forward pass from Holtby on the Q 10m line is spotted by the Ref. However, the clearance kick by Jarvis is charged down by Tierney but luckily is knocked over the dead ball line. Jarvis takes the 22 drop out and the long kick is returned, kicked back again, collected and L find touch Q 10m line. Q LO, Quins player tackled before he even got the ball by L player coming through, yet Ref awards knock-on to L (??). Penalty awarded to Q for pulling down.

Half time L 8 Q 3

2nd Half
Sorry - this half is a bit shorter as I had to give up writing as my hands were so piggin' freezin. It was cold enough to freeze the halo off of a Saint!

The home support appeared to be waking up. Tigger with no number on back amongst the many L replacements. L drop out received by Rudski but held up and L have scrum on Q 22. Penalty awarded to L on Q 10m for diving in. L kick to touch Q 5m. Long throw, good tackling Q rolling maul (a thing of absolute beauty), passes along line, another rolling maul, but the ball is lost. However, Q regain possession, are quick to get the ball away, but Ref blows too quickly and again Q lost another chance. Has this pillock ever heard of advantage?
Quins launch another dummy run and Jarvis finds touch between Q 10-22.

Rudski stays in the air for ages at the lineout (has he mastered the art of levitation?) and Q steal. High tackle on Q player behind the lineout Ref amazingly awards knock on against L. The Ref is too short to see what's going on and I am sure he is making half of it up as he goes along. Who called the Referee a Pillock? Who called the Pillock a Referee? Resets scrum again. Excellent run through by Wilcocks who passes out to Williams, then to Jarvis and then to Reay, who was bundled into touch. From the lineout, L kick which is received by Wilcocks, excellent passing and Jarvis breaks cleanly through with Mockford(?) on his shoulder, Mockford(?) gets ahead as Jarvis turned to pass and penalty awarded to L for crossing. L penalty finds touch half way and the finicky Ref farts around at lineout yet again. Clean take by L, clean break through by Gelderbloom but tackled by Williams and knocked on at the line. Q find touch on own 10m line and steal the resulting lineout. Jarvis' long kick is received by Hersey and Q defence holds up very well during a passage of panicky open play. Finally, Williams takes the ball into touch on his own 5m line.

L take a short throw, dart through and James Hamilton score a very well worked try. The conversion is missed.

50mins L 13 Q 3

From the restart L throw stolen by Mockford, drops it,picks it up again, Powell kicks and finds touch. L take quick throw but Q players are very, very quick, make the tackle and force L to find touch. L steal the Q lineout as Hayter's throw drifts toward them. Q are found offside at the rolling maul and L find touch on the Q 22. Q steal lineout and Jarvis finds touch on half way. Yet again, Quins nearly steal, make excellent hard tackles against the L forwards, but a great long, long kick finds touch on Q 5 m line. Long throw to Griffin, quick passing and another good run through by Hayter. Good passage play to L 22, Wilcocks superb run through then L typically kill the ball on their own 5m, thus avoiding the try (Grrr!) Jarvis kick to touch at L 5m. Griffin cleanly takes the ball and passes out to Hayter, who scores. Jarvis kicks the conversion.

59 mins L 13 Q 10

At this time I was really, really cold and decided to warm myself up with a very loud bellow. Tensing my vocal chords and emptying the Crumbly stand of air as I inhaled, I let fly with a gi-normous "Chum 'ern huw Quinsah!". Perhaps this was not a good move. All went quiet as a hundred heads turned towards me with disapproving looks. "Good evening, all" I politely offered. Then the abuse started. "Did they bring you on the coach then", "More coaches than there are supporters", "where's your mates" etc etc. Still - it felt good.

From the restart, and following the pattern of the game, L immediate scored a try in the corner by Luke Abraham following some very swift, slick and accurate passing. Yet again L miss the conversion.

61 mins L 18 Q 10

Q recover the ball from the restart. Horstamn passes to Mockford, who makes a storming run, but ball stolen by L. Long, long kick from L bounces towards Q try line, but Williams clears and finds touch near half way. The Ref then awards the LO to Q after L attempt a dummy throw? Q pass along line, kick but do not find touch, L held up in the tackle, Q going forward. Quins scrum half way. Scrum, ball out and Jarvis taken into touch on left. Cracknell on for Quins. L rolling maul but move backwards, then forwards, but Q hold. Quins steal ball, L steal back. Quins steal again (it's like Saturday night in Newcastle) and in the following open play Powell passes out to Willcocks to erroneous accusations of a forward pass. Willocks crosses the line for a glorious try, but Jarvis misses the conversion from just inside the left touchline.

68 mins L 18 Q 15

L retain possession at the restart and move the rolling maul to the Q 22m. The ball spins out to the left wing, but good Q tackling. Out to right, then L commit a forward pass - one-eyes complain bitterly that Ref spots this forward pass but not the 3004 Quins forward passes. On the subsequent lineout the one-eyes accuse the throw of not being straight, L drive forward and steal, pass the nall out but, on the Q10m, they knock-on.

At 74 mins I decided that as I was a skilled multi-tasker (I am male after all), I would move to the Terrace to take photos and write the match report (how good is that!). However, as soon as I produced the camera, Deano's Gestapo were on me. "You can't take photos tonight". "Why?". "Deano doesn't want photos taken". "But I want to take picture of the Quins players for the Comeallwithin site!". "Don't care - no cameras". Deano is a miserable bleeding git! I raged at this injustice. Where is the old fart - I'll tell him. There was no sign of he who has a face like a twisted gym vest. I suppose he looked out of the window and got arrested for mooning. If my dog had a face like that I would shave his bum and make him walk backwards! I was livid! Just 'cos they lost! Missed the next passage. So - I can't use my camera or I'll be Saint packing?

Anyway, there was a superb run by L, tackled on the line, but a try awarded to James Buckland, which was duly converted

L 25 Q 15

I also missed the next passage as ME decided to amble up for a chat. Does he not realise that us CAW reporters take life very seriously and cannot spare the time for idle chit-chat! Anyway, I am sure he won't mind me mentioning that he thought it a very interesting game, he appeared impressed and he had a very thoughtful look on his face.

The final passge of play featured a penalty to Q as L went offside . Quick tap kick, charging run, wild pass by Tom Allen. Leics get possession and find touch on Q 22. Jarvis chips on, L going over Pen against them. L moan, and I shouted, "Well spotted, ref", but didn't see JK behind me, who agreed that it was probably about 80 mins too late.


Harlequins Reserves:

15 Tom Williams
14 Ugo Monye ( replacement Tom Alan).
13 Henry Barrett
12 Andy Reay
11 Max Wilcocks
10 Adrian Jarvis
9 Matt Powell
1 Jon Dawson
2 James Hayter
3 Pablo Cardinali
4 Karl Rudzki
5 Simon Miall
6 Daryl Griffin
7 Luke Sheriff (Replacement Kai Horstmann)
8 Alex Mockford

Sorry - didn't get a team list for Tiggers.

In all, a very entertaining, but cold, evening. When you consider the ages of many of the Quins players they did exceedingly well and, as JK said, they should have had that game. I was disappointed that Ugo went off so early as I think that he is a superb player and I always enjoy watching him play. That said, Jarvis looked very, very good (shame about the haircut) and I though that Darryl Griffin has a huge, solid, presence on the field and has vast potential. James Hayter is also very quick about the park and made some blinding runs. Leicester also enjoy the benefit of squad depth and their players played exceedingly well, with superb and very slick passing and the usual excellent set pieces. In all, the best team won.

For those who have never witnessed a Reserves game I thoroughly recommend it. You get a superb view and get to watch some very good young players who obviously love what they do.

Reliable sources who know a lot more about Rugby than I stated that the penalty count was10 - 4 in Leicester's favour at half time - 16 -10 at fulltime - we turned the ball over 9 times in the first half and lost 7 of outown line outs - difficult place to win (Wellford Rd) when you cannot hold onto the ball.


By the way, the missus thinks that Pablo is "cute" and has chubby chops and a cheeky grin - yuk!

Still bloody peeved at the camera thing - probably why I am so (unfairly) anti-Leicester at the moment.