By Mad Monk
December 15 2010

In the absense of a volunteer reporter, Mad Monk has kindly allowed us to use his weekly blog for GetReading. It's a 2 parter.

Part I : The Craic

My original title was “Dead men walking” That may sound harsh but we are living in desperate times. Toby too will have some harsh words for the boys Monday morning. Some of his gentler advice may be not to read any match reports. We are where we are. Where we will be in a few days time will be Stade Mayol facing the same team in front of their jubilant supporters.

This is what I wrote before kick off: It has been a busy week preparing for the Toulon double. Having sorted travel for thirty plus next weekend we get an email from Serge. "We come to Reading for Rugby match Toulon London Irish and would like to meet with the supporters London Irish"

Mrs. Monk gives him a call. They are arriving Saturday evening. Mrs. Monk agrees to put on a reception committee in a rugby pub. She says that in their honour we will show a replay of the last France-Australia match. There is a long silence while Serge remembers the debacle which humiliated his nation before realising she is joking. "You have a very strange sense of humour."

I put the word out about the hands across the ocean and suggest a ruby after the rugby. A few are up for that so I pop down with Minimonk mid week to chat with the owner of the Gulshan. It has the Unique Selling Point of being within staggering distance of the Three Guineas. Mrs Monk explains to Serge that curry is in fact the English national dish.

Saturday is proving a bit more difficult. Reading is playing Coventry at home. Irish fans are reluctant to head into town the day before the match so it falls to famille Monk to provide the welcoming committee.

Graham cannot serve food in the 3Gs after the footie. Serge et chums want to eat in a traditional English pub. By this time even the outlying hostelries cannot take such a large group. In desperation I phone the hotel where the travelling Toulonais are staying. They only serve snacks but suggest I try their more up-market sister hotel next door.

The restaurant is full; they already have a party from Toulon. I wonder if Serge has been doing some parallel planning. "Is that the supporters who are staying next door?" "These are not supporters, they are the players, but you can come and eat the same food at the bar." Mrs Monk relays the good tidings. Serge thinks this is another joke like screening the France match but agrees to meet there anyway.

This only leaves match day morning and the small matter of Jean-Pierre. Graham agrees to bang out sausage beans & chips for the Toulon fans if they get to the Three Guineas before the gathering of the faithful. Mrs Monk will wait at home for J-P who is not flying in till Sunday and is staying chez Monk.

I think that is everything. I check the team sheet. BBC (big Bob Casey) is back. According to Alan, Bob was not crook but dropped by Toby last week after the Saints loss. Steff too was dropped to the bench. Both however have been rehabilitated. This time it the premiership's top try scorer Topsy Ojo who only makes it as far as the subs bench leaving room for Losi (Tagicakibau) to make his first start since being injured in October. Ojo's omission cannot be because he admitted on camera that Marcus Watson was faster than him because the young academy player does not even get a look in. Losi will be head to head with Paul Sackey (not literally as they are both 14) whilst Lamb is pitched against Wilko. Not particularly French but an interesting duel, especially if Lamb wants to bid for the England shirt.

We head unto town to meet Serge. There is a group in the hotel bar speaking French and watching rugby. This could be a clue. "Je cherche Serge". I gather from the reply that none of them is Serge who is still next door. Mrs Monk heads off with Mini in hot pursuit. Soon he is back drawn by the revolving door. This is such fun he decides to go round again, except it stops trapping him in the air lock between inside and outside. He looks so cute I contemplate leaving him there, but take pity. It turns out that the group I have been practicing my French on are nothing to do with Serge who pitches up with his chums later. We head off in search of food. Satiated we introduce our guests to the Three Guineas and arrange to meet them again next morning.

Match day arrives and with it Jean-Pierre. We take him down to the pub to meet his mates. The Three Guineas fills up and the glasses empty. I bung a few quid Graham's way and our visitors queue up for the traditional pre match sausage beans & chips. Well I tell them it is traditional anyway. Time to head for the stadium.

Part II : The Match

I have finally found the courage to watch the replay. Was referee Nigel Owens really that bad or was it London Irish? Was it simply that Toulon were too good for us? Is the glass half full or half empty?

Wilko gets it started and immediately Toulon regains the ball. Their scrum half’s box kick goes out in goal, first scrum back. Toulon wheels it and we get the penalty. At the line out Bob takes it at the back and delivers quick ball. Ryan trades possession for field position. Wilko clears but finds Delon instead of touch. We make our way back to their 22. Sackey is lying all over the ball so ref plays advantage. None accrued so we go back for the penalty. Ryan steps up to claim the points and misses. Wilkinson 0 from 0 Lamb 0 from 1 advantage Wilko. Now it is Toulon's turn to attack. Irish turn over and kick downfield. It is returned to Delon. The ball is ripped from us and but for an earlier infringement Sackey was through down the wing. Irish have possession from an earlier infringement but the tackling from Toulon is ferocious. Lamb decides to try to chip through the otherwise impenetrable wall. It hits a Toulon leg and almost bobbles up for Sackey. He doesn't get the intercept but it was a cheap turn over. Wilkinson puts it out on our 10m line.

Nigel is in no mood to hang about and gives a free kick against Irish for delaying the throw. JW launches a Garryowen for their no 8 who overruns it allowing Delon to claim it. Ryan boots it straight to the Toulon full back who is waiting on their 10m line. He fluffs the return kick which goes straight up and down just over half way. Another good take from Delon but poor passing from Ryan and the ball goes into touch. Small things, missed opportunities. Toulon has the throw below the drummers. Props & chums do their best to make sure the call is drowned out. It doesn't work. Toulon gather and set up the rolling maul. A couple of phases of pick and go then the ball is laid back to their centres. Chip kick. Toulon is so flat they are able to compete for the ball.

With laws now favouring the attacking side the receiver virtually has to drop the ball as he hits the deck. Toulon is in our faces and reclaim the ball in the red zone. As soon as Nigel's arm goes out signalling advantage Toulon spread wide and chip for the corner. The ball lands in goal and pops up into Wilkinson's hands but Buckland thumps him as he lands forcing the knock on. Scrum 5 but we cannot take the hit and Toulon gets the penalty. He does not miss those. The score is Lamb 0, Wilkinson 1. Restart kicked to touch on half way. Kendo gets clean ball but Toulon are so aggressive defending the maul we get no metres and have to put it through the hands. Even Steff is driven back. Dodge is caught in a ruck that is being driven back and is pinged for not releasing it gives JW another pop at the posts. Lamb 0 Wilkinson 2

We take a long restart which in a rare moment of poor judgements, Sackey allows to go out. We are in their 22 we have to come away with points. It starts well as Nick gets a hand to the Toulon throw and the ball comes down on the Irish side. Toulon is through and Dodge is faced with collecting the ball with a Frenchman firmly attached. Bruno lays the ball back for his countryman who puts it up to half way where Delon is waiting. Ryan finds some space to put the ball in behind Sackey who gives it to JW for the clearance. We struggle to get quick ball off the lineout but it does eventually get spread wide until Elvis puts a chip through which he chases himself into the opposition 22. He doesn't reclaim it but as the ball goes out along the line Maps comes in with a big hit and the ball goes into touch. He thinks about the quick one. Inexplicably he is stopped and the throw given to the visitors. The big Toulon no 8 who has so much pace and has troubled us all game is first to the ball. This time he has ball in hand and breaks offloading to Sackey as he crosses our 22. The winger is brought down and the ball is recycled infield until we eventually get relief from a knock on.

The writing is already on the wall. Our scrum like last week is no match for our visitors we are 6-0 down, we are defending inside our own 22. The crowd has gone quiet. Simon tries to rouse them with a reveille. For once we get quick ball from the scrum. For once Lamb does not kick the ball back to the opposition. For once Losi gets hands on the ball as we run it out of our own 22. He is brought down, the ball goes lose and Faan is there to claim it. Several phases of Irish possession ends in a knock on. The spilt ball is collected by Toulon who plays the advantage. In a simple move out wide and back to the centre Toulon scores.

Ominous. Only half an hour played so plenty of time left but we have not looked like scoring. Toulon is running the restart back at us. They are pinged for not releasing. Delon is bridging over the ruck. Bruno, who has obviously done his homework comes in hard on the shoulder that was dislocated to put Delon out for most of last season. Delon's reaction makes contact, the Frenchman milks it and the linesman has a word with Mr Owens who has no option but to reverse the penalty.

Scrappy scrum cleared but possession given away too cheaply. Steff is down holding his left arm. He is off for some heavy strapping; George is on holding the fort. For once we get a penalty from a scrum mid field. Ryan's kick is horrendous and misses touch. It is kicked back at us and instead we run it, then spill in the tackle. Steff is back on. Toulon captain breaks again, the chip ahead is covered by Losi and the Toulon cavalry are all off their feet in their eagerness to twist the knife before half time. Again Ryan is given the ball and told to find touch. Again he tries to put too much on it and it falls into Sackey's arms a good metre infield. Toulon is attacking again. Again Losi comes to the rescue intercepting a pass 10m from his own line. Keeping the ball in hand with some desperate offloads in the tackle the ball eventually reaches Delon on half way. His kick through finds space and he is through for a try against the run of play. This time Ryan lands the kick. 7-13 half time despite an attempted drop goal from Jonny in the dying minute.

In the final five minutes we have had one touch of the old London Irish like a candle in a naughty world. Has hope sneaked out of Pandora's box that Toulon have opened?

Second half. Irish restart; Wilkinson clears to touch. Quick ball off the top but Toulon crash through the line and are on Dodge so quickly he is lucky to get it away. JJ makes it through several tackles and is up to the 22. Again Bruno is straight through on Dodge as soon as he touches the ball. I check the replay. Bruno is standing beside the ruck pretending to be part of it but not engaged and well in front of the back feet. Not only that, as soon as Dodge makes to move he is on him. Despite the visitors playing on or over the edge of legality we keep several phases of possession until Lamb kicks it away. Toulon clear to touch then steal our line. A couple of turnovers until Faan forces the knock on in the tackle.

It is a messy scrum Chris gets away but is isolated and kicks ahead under pressure. It is intercepted but in loose play goes to touch. Toulon set up a rolling maul. They are up to our 22 but eventually give away the penalty for not releasing into the marauding arms of Steffon.

There is a lineout on half way. We secure ball but again kick away possession. Several breaks from Toulon takes them from one 22 to the other. Eventually Irish get the penalty when Toulon do not release. They take it quickly but are turned over. Sackey is through but stumbles and cannot ground it. It is a short clearance by Lamb from behind his own goal line. We are lucky Dodge could have been judged to have taken Sackey out, or Lamb to have knocked on collecting the ball. As it is we win the lineout and set off to run it from our own 22. We are up to half way then spill the ball. Ref plays advantage but then we turn it back before a break in play. George is on for Chris and we secure the scrum. Good period of play ends when Steff is penalised for not releasing. Toulon take it quickly but Elvis intercepts and breaks Dodge struggles to get quick ball bit eventually Steff’s offload finds nobody home and Toulon have a defensive lineout.

We do however get a consolation prize as Owens was playing advantage. We go back for the penalty and Ryan reduces the deficit to three. We have the lion’s share of possession in the second half but not turning into enough points. We are doing a bit better in the scrum even forcing a penalty. Quick ball off the line Maps throws a wonderful pass to Losi who is clear. Eagle eyed Owens spots it was slightly forward. We are into the last quarter. Toulon takes their scrum but lose the ball in the tackle. It is snatched out of the air by green hands. Lamb puts the ball behind Sackey who has all the time in the world to give it to the full back to clear. Steff is waiting and keeps the ball alive passing a long pass back to his brother. Delon fails to re-gather his chip ahead and Owens penalises three Toulon players. Under the new laws when their full back kicked ahead everyone in front had to actively retreat and not just wait to be played back onside. Ryan has the chance to level the score from just inside the Toulon half. It has the legs but not the eyes and drifts left of the upright.

It is Toulon's chance to attack from the restart. They are on our 22 Steff turns the ball over but illegally says Nigel. It is a close call but the clue is that as he flicks the ball back he pitches forward showing that he was not taking his weight on his feet. Wilkinson puts the gap back to 6.

Fifteen minutes left. Paulica replaces Faan. Scum Irish. We get the free kick and Maps is off. We are playing in and around their 22 but cannot find a way through. Lamb's chip ahead just clips the touch line ceding advantage to the visitors. An awkwardly bouncing ball is hacked through. Losi is losing the race for the line but is close enough to prevent a clean gather and it gives Steff just time to scramble back and secure the loose ball. Scrum 5 defenders ball. Losi is off for Topsy and Bowden for Lamb. Irish get the penalty from the scrum. They have entered Last Chance Saloon but the bar is 100m long and they are at the wrong end. Roche comes on for Bob. Topsy injects fresh legs. It is scrappy, not pretty but they are playing with heart. And a converted try would keep them in the Heineken cup.

Scrum Toulon. They break, kick through and are in under the posts. Except they did not kick through, they dropped the ball and hacked on. Irish fans breathe again. Dodge is down having been instrumental in forcing that knock on. Alex comes on for Clarke who hands the captain's armband to the injured Hodgson who immediately abdicates in favour of Kendo. We get the ball out of the scrum (just) Maps’ kick through ricochets off a white sock. Again Toulon looks to be through. Again Sirs says knock on. Losing at home in the HC is bad enough, the manner of the loss could have been so much worse. Nigel is not happy with our scrum: Penalty Toulon. Wilkinson takes the ball. Game over. For those who choose not to watch the final three minutes, Owen has finally realised what the green spectacled ones have been screaming at him all afternoon. Toulon players are always offside. A last hurrah from Irish. Now it is too late he is calling "offside blue" again. 90 seconds. The French are in no hurry to give us the ball. Bowden takes it quickly hoping for a restart. Half a minute remains. By the time Toulon get their hands on the ball the clock has turned red. JW is off so the full back has a half hearted attempt at a drop goal from half way. It goes wide. Final score London Irish 13 Toulon 19.

It is a long cold wait for the bus back to Three Guineas but a warm welcome when we get there. Understandably the home crowd drift off early and it is a quiet meal at the Gulshan. Our guests are too polite to indulge in triumphalism.

I’ve given myself a couple of days to get over the disappointment. Looking at the replay. The ref was better than first impressions. In a number of areas so were the team. Unfortunately so where Toulon. None of that alters the final score so I guess the glass is half empty.

Part I : Part II (if you know what I mean)

It is now Monday morning. If you are reading this you will be a rugby follower and already know Irish lost. I am nursing my disappointment and hangover in that order. I haven't had the courage to view the tapes yet. Often the match you see live at the stadium is very different to the one you recorded to play back. Always however the result is the same.

My recollection is a Toulon team playing on or mostly over the offside line. Dodge is England's finest scrum half and nobody can whisk the ball faster out of the scrum yet every time he was clattered and prevented from getting clean ball away. Fair play to Toulon for exploiting the ref's reticence with the whistle. With the French side playing so flat why were our backs 20m off the gain line? By the time the ball was in a centre's hands the defending team were up faster than a sanglier after a truffle and they are competing for the ball 15 metres up field. The replay will no doubt throw up specific examples but for now I pour myself another coffee.