By Sparkie
March 5 2003

London Wasps overcame a limited and limiting tactical display by Newcastle Falcons. Our frenetic running game took the Men in Black into our opponents 22 on countless occasions. However, Falcons' ruthless defence and the famed golden boot kept the game "alive" for the away supporters. In truth, this was the most mind-numbingly boring game since the Hardlywins visited Loftus Road spoiling for a point or four last April. Undoubtedly the visitors had studied this particular video nasty. Precious little went right for London Wasps after the first quarter as handling errors confounded our endeavours. Barwell might describe the match as a bit "iffy" -- IF standing for instantly forgettable, not intelligently focused. Wasps hacked away at Falcons' coalface but we just couldn't handle the torque.

Newcastle will have returned home ruing Jonny Wilkinson's brace of missed penalty goals but Rob Andrew's plan Zzzz did not deserve to win the day. Desperate times may call for desperate measures but surely the punters deserve better than this, eh Squeaky? At least Wasps, the moral victors, "enjoyed" the spoils of victory, to use another hackneyed cliché.

So, what of the game? Wasps' pack had clearly forgotten Warren Gatland's command not to give away kickable penalties. Barely a minute gone and a black hand snaked round the ball in a ruck just inside our ten metre line. We were riding our luck and it smiled upon us. Wilko conspired to miss his first attempt at goal. A minute later another ruck offence he made no mistake from all of 51 metres.

Alex King replied for Wasps after a rare lineout success allowed John Rhino Rudd to cut a swathe through the Falcon's backs. The move was killed illegally on the 22.

Rhino was clearly relishing his return to the side and showed as much when he fielded a clearance and busted Wilko's follow-up tackle before switching to Stuart Abbott inside. Wasps swiftly handled the ball but Simon Shaw failed to grasp the nettle on Newcastle's 22 and the chance petered out.

With Wasps's forwards getting the upper hand Rhino was given another opportunity to run at Liam Botham. This time he managed to bosh his way to within 10 metres of the Falcon's line as the first quarter came to an end.

Trevor Leota started the only try-scoring move by stripping an off-form Epi Taione of the ball. A few phases later Kinga chipped ahead into space and inexplicably Britz batted the ball backwards but away from Falcons' fullback, Joe Shaw. Rhino seized the moment and bundled his way over from five metres out. Kinga slotted what was to prove a very important conversion. 10-3 to Wasps in the 23rd minute.

Newcastle were still sticking to their guns, kicking long and waiting for Wasps to yield up penalty opportunities. Wasps should and could have taken advantage of such limited vision but it was not to be. Although Fraser Waters gave Wilko some of his own medicine with a thumping tackle, Wasps went over the top trying to turn over the ball on halfway. Obligingly, Wilko missed his second penalty goal out of three.

Wasps, however, failed to take heed and offered him another long range chance which he took on 34 minutes. Falcons were spluttering back to life and right on half-time they mauled a lineout towards Wasps' goal-line allowing Wilko to drop a trademark goal. It was to prove to be Newcastle's only foray deep into Wasps' territory in the whole game.

Wycombe's cloying drizzle overtook events after the resumption. Almost every attack ended in a knock-on or a turnover. A Kinga dropped goal missed by a yard or two before the war of attrition claimed Rhino (to a twisted back) and several other off-colour players. Unfortunately the fresh replacements also found conditions not to their liking.

Fate swang back Falcon's way during yet another Waspish foray. Waters broke through to Newcastle's 22 where his opponent killed the ball in the tackle. Abbott steamed in to clear the ruck but was deemed to have used a boot illegally in haste. Which was the first offence, I wonder? Abbott's according the the touch judge, so off he went for a ten minute breather after 53 minutes.

Wasps' 14 rucked and mauled like demons and won two penalty pot shots. The first was missed by Keny Logan from halfway and the latter was missed by Kinga from near the right-hand touchline. Abbott re-emerged into an even scrappier game as the players tried to outdo each others largesse in the error stakes.

Newcastle only showed renewed vital signs after Kinga dragged Wasps' advantage up to a four point lead following Taione's pugnacious high tackle in the 70th minute. No sooner were we expecting Wasps to close out the game than Wilko was offered another kickable penalty. He never misses thrice-over.

At 13-12 to Wasps with eight minutes to go there was just enough time for Logan to miss another long shot before the referee put us all out of our misery at no side. The two sides spent the bulk of the last ten minutes camped on halfway with little danger of any enterprising play.

Apparently Wasps don't do "wet" conditions. We'd better learn as we're likely to remain in the valley for quite a while yet. As for Newcastle, they just don't do fullstop. Perhaps it is down to all their sarfie newcomers or perhaps it was down to playing on a Saturday (it was our 2nd such venture at Adams Park, and once again the bar-time was cut short. Perhaps we need to pass the hat around and pre-book the venue for our own devices?)