By Mark Deeks
November 13 2002

3 Columns that I have just recieved from Mark. Sorry for delays. M'boro Home, Everton Home in the Worthington Cup, and Arsenal Away. I don't like Boro. Even when they're rubbish they're cocky. Their muppet supporters seem to think the world revolves around them instead of just a chemical haze. The chants they came up with at SJP this season had to be heard to be believed. "You'll never win #**~ all!" WHAT? The Boro trophy cabinet is hardly overflowing is it? Infact, if I'm not very much mistaken, it's EMPTY!! "You're just a small town in Scotland" Oh please... "One nil and you still don't sing" Deaf as well as stupid? What a shame....

Let's get one thing straight. Newcastle were rubbish against Boro. Not poor. Not average. Not less than great. Rubbish. Infact, I'd say we were abysmal. We
were second best to every 50-50 ball, our defence was regularly wide open (especially on the left hand flank, wonder why that was..), and our finishing poor (apart from the obvious two exceptions). I think it was one of the worst all round performances I can
remember seeing in some time. But Stevie Caldwell's shirt-grabbing joy at the end was fantastic! I like a bit of passion in my celebrations I have to say. Despite all that had gone before it, though, the final whistle did make me burst out laughing. Boro's muppets looked well and truly cheesed off, we'd been a big pile of steaming stuff and still done them! Marvellous!!

Before we leave the matter of the Boro game, I will say this. They are by far the most improved team in the Premier League. Last season, they were atrocious. But not this year. I don't think their early season promise will fade easily. Expect them to stay top 6 or 7 all year.

Everton home. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't have missed. But financial restrictions brought on by the Champions League adventure counted me out of this
one. So I had a date with Sky Sports Centre. What highlights I managed to catch later on seemed to suggest we had managed to shoot ourselves in the foot after finally managing to haul ourselves infront via the magic of WKD (Wizard Kieron Dyer, more finishes like that please).

According to all reports, the kid Rooney was excellent. I hope he one day lives up to all this hype. But only for the national team you understand. When listening to the penalty shoot out on Five Live, I couldn't help but expect the worst. If I'm mistaken,
please tell me. But the only penalty shoot out I remember us winning in the last 10 years, was at a pre-season tournament I attended up at Ibrox, Glasgow against Man United, when Marc Hottiger of all people scored the winning spot kick and we had the joyous scenes of Cantona trying to do one of those cheeky chipped penalties straight down the middle only for it to land on the roof of the net!

Fair play to Chopra for stepping up to take one, but surely that was a bit much to expect on your debut. We can only hope it doesn't damage the kid's confidence too much. As for Viana and Robert, well that's the way footy goes sometimes. But I'd love to dream of the daywhen I was confident of NUFC doing the business in a
shoot out, no matter who had pulled on the hallowed stripes that day.

Arsenal away. The stats say it all don't they? No shots on target and no corners. By all accounts we were lucky to get away with 1-0. It could, and maybe should have been 4 or 5. Actually, now that I think about it, why doesn't Viana's rasping drive off the bar count as a shot on target? I seem to remember Andy Gray on Sky Sports banging on about this subject. Someone had just put away a shot into an empty net from a rebound off a crossbar. Andy Gray then questioned why the original shot had not counted as a shot on target on the stats bar. He seemed to jump immediately onto one of his soapboxes, in his jovial Scottish demeanour, demanding "Ask 'so-and-so' whether he hit the target! Go on, ask him!"

So there you go, I hereby launch the campaign for Boss Man Hugo's shot on Saturday to count as a shot on target. Small comfort I know, but desperate times etc... Let's hope Feyenoord are in a for bit of a Toon resurgence. Keep the faith!