By Bagpuss
March 23 2006

As we hear that Marcus may well start the season with his county, all hell is breaking out in the Third Test...over to Baggy! A game England have to win starts with the most inexplicable toss decision since Mr Hussain's. Thanks Rahul we'll see if we can do your faith ample justice!!

After Mohali I made a brief detour on the way to Mumbai to do a spot of touristy stuff at Agra. Finally get to the Taj Mahal and also saw the Red Fort and the 'Baby Taj'. The latter two we visited on Wednesday, a national holiday for "holi", the festival of colours. For the many of you out there who have never heard of this, it seems to be an opportunity for the (mostly young and male) people to go around daubing and throwing poster paint powder over each other, interspersed with occasional water bombs. I advised my companion that older clothes were a must as there was a chance we may be caught in the crossfire. How wrong I was - we became direct targets within yards of the hotel gateway and after running the gauntlet in the city in an auto-rickshaw I began to realise that Holi was also an opportunity for the young and male to grab my (mainly left) boob. Without this the day would have been a bit of a hoot, though I am still trying to get all the purple paint off.

Agra itself is to put it bluntly a bit of a dump, and one where the main aim of the population (once they have grabbed at my chest that is) is to make money from the tourists. Twenty four hours later I was on the overnight train to Mumbai and my previously-selected hotel which, joy of joys, does not come with its own wildlife park in the bathroom. Spend a while in the afternoon back at the Brabourne Stadium where Sport Relief have organised a match between their celebrity team (captained by Phil Tufnell) and a team of Bollywood stars. It is the home-grown team that is attracting all the attention and they put on a good total. It is a bit confusing as the match is announced as a 20/20 game, then they play 25 overs. Interesting to see that Jack Russell, though playing for the celebrities, did not get to wear the gloves. That honour went to one Harry Judd who, I am told, is the drummer in the band McFly. He also, so rumour has it, was a county junior cricketer. Mr Russell meanwhile got to have a bowl. The celebs opened the batting with Nick Knowles and Nick Hancock - who needed a runner (JR again) after injuring himself fielding. Ponderous start by the celebs and I fear I gave up after about ten overs - no beer, little in the way of catering and not much idea what was going on as there were no announcements.

The following day - the day before the Test - the Barmy Army also had a game at the Brabourne. Arrived to find the MCC already there and playing the Cricket Club of India's first XI, which included six of the team that had faced England in their first tour match and was captained by Mohammed Azarrudin. Concerned for the fate of the Barmy Army team who will be facing the CCI second XI. Could be a short match. Particularly as over half the squad are delayed either in Muscat or Delhi. Manage to appoint a stand in captain and draft in enough players (bit like England really). Problem not over though as this is the Cricket Club of India and thou shalt not play cricket without wearing whites. So someone is dispatched to the local sports shop in search of eleven pairs of white trousers. The extension of the MCC game from a 20/20 to 35 overs a side means the Barmy Army game becomes a ten over slog. They do well to restrict the home side to 103 before being bowled out for 70.

International matches in Mumbai used to be played at the Cricket Club of India's ground, the Brabourne Stadium. Then back in the 1970's they fell out with the Mumbai Cricket Asociation, who were responsible for staging the games. So the MCA built a new stadium up the road and moved all the internationals there. Hemmed in on one side by the railway line into Churchgate Station and not far from the sea on the other, it is a pretty ugly bowl of a stadium which is difficult to access and uncomfortable to sit in - most of the seating is wooden benches, in places just concrete steps. The ground description describes the toilet facilities as 'not very good' - I am hoping never to have to find out for myself!

There is the usual confusion about what time the match will start - just dont tell me to look at the tickets - this is India, they wont do anything useful like putting the start time there! Even though the tickets are only actually printed a few days before the match starts (to reduce the risk of counterfeiting). I will miss the whole of the first session waiting for England supporters to locate us to pick up their tickets.

INDIA v ENGLAND THIRD TEST 18-22 MARCH 2006
WANKEDE STADIUM, MUMBAI

DAY 1

Has Rahul Dravid done a Nasser? That must be the question at the end of day one after the India captain won the toss for the first time this series only to let England have first go with the bat again. Maybe there was a tinge of green in the wicket, maybe he was swayed by the replacement of teenage legspinner Chawla with seamer Sreesanth. By midway through the final session he must have been ruing the decision as England made merry.

Back to the start of the day. India just the one change. England have three, though forced in part by circumstances beyond their control. Harmison's sore shins ruled him out a couple of days ago and Anderson gets another of his infrequent chances. Cook wakes up with food poisoning so Bell moves up to open and Owais Shah gets a test debut in the number 3 spot. And England are going for two spinners but it is Shaun Udal who gets Plunkett's place ahead of Blackwell.

Strauss and Bell get off to a good start and post a 50 partnership befoer Bell plays a loosish drive and is caught by Harbhajan at point. Bell again has made a start then got himself out, this time for 18. England 52-1 in the 21st over. Shah joins Strauss and immediately there are signs he will not take the cautious option with the spinners. The pair move stadily on till lunch when England are 63-1 off 25 overs, Strauss 35 and Shah 7.

The run rate improves after lunch as both Strauss and Shah make the most of good batting conditions. It is good to see the Strauss of old in sparkling form after what has been a pretty sorry winter for him so far. He reaches his 50 in the 33rd over (90 balls; 6x4). And have to remind myself this is Owais Shah's Test debut - he seems to have been in and out of the England thoughts for so long now. And he produces the most obvious and easily written Barmy Army song for some time - to the tune of Feeling Hot Hot Hot (I'm sure you can work it out).

The hundred is reached just as I finally get into the ground. All going swimmingly until about the 49th over. The physio is on the field to attend to Shah, who seems to have a problem with both wrists. Unlikely to have been hit then, possibly cramp. Seems to be sorted though and the 150 is reached off the last ball of the 49th over with the 100 partnership in the next over. Shah reaches his 50 in the 52nd (90; 8). England go to tea 158-1 with Strauss 85 and Shah 50.

It seems there was more of a problem with Shah than first realised when Strauss comes out after tea with Kevin Pietersen. News filtering through is that he was having problems with cramping in his forearms. Hopefully this is something that will resolve so he can resume his innings at some point. Meanwhile with Strauss already on 85 hopefully Pietersen will resist the urge to turn this partnership into a race and get himself settled in. Strauss duly reaches his century in the 58th over, hitting Harbhajan for threee successive boundaries though the second one was a trifle close to the diving slip fielder. Never mind, it is his first test hundred since the Oval in September (174; 12/1). Despite there being no alcoholic refreshment in the ground the England supporters (at least 4000 of them at a guess) are starting to sing. A couple of "Jerusalem's" later the home crowd are trying to up the volume in reply and the noise is firing up the bowlers. There a are three loud appeals for lbw and caught behind in the 63rd over, but no reward for Munaf or the rampant Indian crowd. The 67th over sees the England 200 and the 150 partnership Next over Dhoni drops Strauss, on 123, off the bowling of Kumble. Make it count.

Unfortunately the mistake proves to cost just five runs as Harbhajan gets a little more bounce and Dhoni holds this one. Strauss out for a fine 128 and England 230-2 in the 76th. Collingwood has a rush of blood to the head and attemprts a pull shot in the next over - he was lucky the fine leg fielder made a mess of the top edge. Pietersen needs to take control as the set batter but he has a bit of a swing at Sreesanth in the 81st over and edges to Dhoni. Out for 39, England 242-3. India seem happy not to take the new ball - both Harbhajan (who has been successful at this ground in the past) and the seamers are getting a little extra bounce that was absent this morning. England pass 250 and Flintoff and Collingwood survive to close of play, one over short after a pretty slow over rate by India. England 272-3 off 89 overs, Collingwood 11 and Flintoff 17.

Has Dravid made a major error of judgement? It is up to England to prove he has over the next four days.

One rainy night back in late 2000 I walked into a pub in Leicester Square with a large suitcase (full of clothes that would keep my wrists and ankles covered) and a newborn Bagpuss. It was the night before I was due to fly to Lahore for my first ever tour to Pakistan. I knew no-one who was going but rumour had it some of the Barmy Army was meeting here in the Bear and Staff. Three of the first people I met were Simon, Matt and Adrian Tew, three brothers originally from Birmingham, then living around the UK, known collectively as the Funk Soul Brummies. They refused to let me camp out at Heathrow for the night, instead taking me back to their sister's pad to stay the night.

The FSBs became the first of many tour buddies - people you see only ocasionally over the summer, if at all. but met up with once the trek around the global world of cricket starts in the winter. Ade had been seriously ill some time before I met him, but was a larger than life character who knew how to live life to the full. If we are honest at times he lived life to excess! Last summer, just a short while after cheering England as they regained the Ashes at the Oval, Ade died suddenly of a heart attack. His funeral in Wells, attended by many of the friends I have made over the last six years, was a dark day for England's travelling Barmy Army.

Last night in Mumbai we held a memorial party. There was beer aplenty, food and music. England had had a pretty good day of it to, so we were in high spirits. It was the sort of occasion Ade would heve revelled in. Of course, as with any of these occasions, there were a couple of would-be gatecrashers. They were turned away by the management but were persistent so after a while we allowed Steve Harmison and Shaun Udal in. They left at a suitably early hour leaving us to sing some Barmy Army songs. Bill the trumpeter played the Last Post. Then more music and dancing.

The party was held at Tendulkar's, a bar owned by the legend himself. Good to know he has a second string to his bow should he be thinking about giving up the day job in the near future!


INDIA v ENGLAND THIRD TEST 18-22 MARCH 206
WANKEDE STADIUM, MUMBAI

DAY 2

England have the upper hand after day 1 and need to press home the advantage whilst reminding Dravid of his error of judgement putting England in to bat. Colingwood and Flintoff resume and with a four off Harbhajan, Flintoff scores his 3000th Test run. He is just the 12th player do score 3000 runs and take 100 wickets in Tests. India decide to take the new ball at last after 94.1 overs, Pathan and Munaf sharing the duty. The new ball almost does the trick as in the 98th over Flintoff edges to second slip, only for Sehwag to muff the catch. A single is taken putting Collingwood on strike. Next ball finds the edge of his bat, only this time it is Kumble at gully who shells the sitter. Lucky boys. To add insult to injury a couple of overs later luckless Munaf seems to be warned by the umpire for running on the pitch, though not sure if this is official or not. The 300 is up in the 100th over. Last ball of the 101st and Flintoff uses up another life when he pulls to widish fine leg - the catch is held but the fielders foot is on the ropes. Six more to the Eng-er-land.


Pace gives way to spin with the ball ten overs old as Kumble returns. Sresaenth continues from the pavillion end and he gets the breakthrough in the 109th over when Collingwod edges and Dhoni holds. Could have done with a few more than 31 from Collingwood. England are 326-4 and it is Owais Shah who rejoins the fray, recovered from the cramps of yesterday. He is the one who congratulates Flintoff on reaching his 50 and probably who puts his head in his hands as he sees him slog sweep Kumble over midwicket only to be caught by Tendulkar running around the boundary. Flintoff out for 50, just over 15 minutes to go to lunch, England 328-5. It gets worse as ten minutes later on triple Nelson Jones plays at one that is a bit wide and it goes straight to gully. 333-6 becomes 345-6 of 114 overs at lunch. Shah is on 55, Udal 8. Half an hout ago England were looking to a total of 500 plus. Now they will be lucky to make 400. India will be digesting their miday meal somewhat easier then England.

After lunch England reach 350 not long before Udal is lbw to Munaf for 9. Hoggard is greeted by a fast inswinging yorker first ball that rearranges the woodwork. He may remember the bowler doing the exact same thing to him back in Baroda. Munaf Patel certainly does and England are Patel has to wait until his next over to bowl his hat-trick ball, by which time Shah is on strike and he safely negotiates. After drinks at 123 overs it is spin from both ends as Harbhajan comes on and Kumble switches ends. Harbhajan does for Shah just as we are thinking this could be another 10 on debut for an Englishman. The edge goes to Dravid at slip and having dropped five already this series this one sticks. An excellent catch diving to his right. Shah gone for 88 and England 385-9. Anderson takes on the role manfuly of senior rabbit in his last wicket partnership with Panesar. Every single is cheered by the England supporters and the magic 40 is reached off the last ball of the 132nd over. Drinks are taken and Harbhajan gets the bat/pad catch to Yuvraj Singh of Anderson to end the innings on 400. Sresanth finishes with 4-70, Harbhajan reinforces his success on this ground by outbowling Kumble with 3 wickets. Pathan, with only 17 overs, goes wicketless.

Hoggard and Flintoff open the bowling for England and India survive the five overs before tea scoring just 8 runs. Despite the beerless suroundings the Barmy Army start to sing after the inteval and are immediately rewarded as Hoggard dispatches Sehwag in the 7th over. India 9-1. The Jaffer-Dravid partnership has been a problem for England for most of this series but not today, Hoggard again after switching ends in the 12th over, the second ball is edged by Jaffer and caught by Jones. 24-2. Dravid is not known for his flashy play especially early in the innings but Tendulkar, greeted rapturously by his home crowd, is painstakingly slow to. Seven overs later Anderson is still bowling from the pavillion end, Flintoff has replaced Hoggard and the batters have added just four to the total of which Tendulkar's contribution was just a single. Confession time-Iwas having a quick snooze at this point when Anderson invites Tendulkar to go for a spot of fishing and Jones accepts the resulting catch. Then something incredible-the Mumbai crowd are booing their favourite son as he walks off the field!

In the past this would have been the point that many home fans left the ground but there are new faces to take over from the King - Yuvraj and even more so Dhoni are the new favourites. Yuvraj plays some sparkling shots to get he crowd cheering again and even Dravid is opening up a bit. Eventually Flintoff has to rest his pace bowlers and it is spin at both ends with Panesar and Udal. Best hope the fast boys get their breath back quickly as Yuvraj and Dravid are making mincemeat of these two. Udal gets just two overs, for 13, before Hoggard is brought back to apply the brakes. Panesar gets to continue at the other end and an odd moment as the England supporters encourage the first Sikh to wear the three lions by singing Jerusalem! India pass 50 in the 34th over and progress steadily. There is a tense moment in the final over of the day (by my reckoning seven overs were lost due to slow over rates) when the third umpire is caled on to adjudicate a run out decision, but he England fielders dont appear to be that interested. India close on 88-3.

Tomorrow (now this morning) England will be hoping to make quick inroads. No idea what it is like now but an hour ago there were quite a few clouds around so hopefuly there will be some early help for the bowlers. And somewhere in a better world than this Ade Tew will be cheering every England wicket with us.

TO BE CONTINUED