By Bagpuss
December 15 2006

Will the second Test offer more home comfort than the first one did? Seems not! England seem to have decided that they own the Ashes and it's up to the Aussies to fight them for the Urn...bit of a change around from the apologetic attitude of a week ago. But then....the wheels come off!

AUSTRALIA v ENGLAND 2ND TEST
ADELAIDE OVAL, 1 - 5 DECEMBER 2006

DAY 1

I have spent the last three days being told by Australians that England are going to lose the Ashes. And they are going to lose them five-nil. Unfortunately I haven't been able to get Glenn Mcgrath's opinion on the topic. All I can do is try to reason with my tormentors that they should think back to 2005 (a period which inexplicably seems to have been wiped blank from all Antipodean memories). Australia go 1-0 up after drubbing England at Lords. But, to coin a local phrase, look at the scoreboard. Or rather the series result. Lords was the high point for Australia, and their only win of the series.

For Edgbaston read Adelaide. England arrive at this most English of Australian grounds. You can see the cathedral at the northern end of the ground from the middle. Captain of the home team South Australia Darren Lehmann is predicting a pitch with less bounce than the Gabba, one which will suit England far more. This is a ground where traditionally the ball will swing, both when new and the reverse variety when old. Oh, and its expected to turn a bit too.

So why then does Mr F go against all predictions and play the same team as in Brisbane. Everyone and his cat expected Anderson to be dropped and Panesar to play as the second spinner. Curiouser and curiouser. Australia really had only one question mark hanging over their line up - the fitness or otherwise of Glenn McGrath. Those of us with Edgbaston flashbacks were justifiably disappointed when McGrath was given the all clear.

The Barmy Army may still be without Bill the Trumpet (secret last minute negoitiations along the lines of a middle eastern peace deal failed to bring about any changes in the ground regulations). But here in Adelaide we have The Hill.By the time the captains take the field for the toss there are a sizeable number of England supporters congregating, lubricating their vocal chords with a schooner or two of the local brew. There is a massive cheer when Flintoff wins the toss and offers Ricky Ponting the opportunity to get his men out on the park for a day or two (hopefully).

Brett Lee opens from the Cathedral end to Strauss. A maiden. McGrath from the River end - immediately going around the wicket to Cook. It is obvious this pitch doesn't have the bounce or carry of Brisbane's offering last week. Never mind Strauss saying to the press he aint cutting back on his hook shots, Gilchrist is taking the ball well below his waist and a couple of edges by Strauss in the early overs don't even come close to carrying to the slips. Mc Grath starts fiddling with his spikes after just a few overs - is that heel feeling a little uncomfortable. How he would have liked a couple more days with his feet up watching the likes of Langer and Ponting do their stuff. Tough.

Again if we were looking for Edgbaston parallels we were to be disappointed at least by the manner of England's approach. In Birmingham the mantra seemed to be attack, attack. Here it was more of a grind. By Drinks England are 32-0 off 14. There has been little if any swing for the bowlers and its getting to the stage now where batting should become easier. So pity then that Strauss clips the third ball after drinks strainght to Martyn at mid on. Strauss gone for 14, England 32-1. Its that man Clark who has made the breakthrough, having replaced Lee at the Cathedral end. The crowd are calling for the double bowling change - WAAAAAAAAAAAARNIEEE, WAAAAAAAARN . . . but having thrown him the ball Ricky changes his mind and decides to give Glenn McGrath one more over. Wonder if McGrath would have got his extra over if it had been Bell on strike? Warne has to wait till the 18th over, from the River end.

Cook is next to go when he plays a little away from his body and edges Clark to Gilchrist. 45-2 in the 21st. There is a bit over half an hour to go till lunch and England really mustn't lose any more wickets before the interval. Bell is a concern as Warne is already turning the ball a yard and a half. The folly of playing just the one spinner is looking all the greater now England will get last dibs with the ball. A bit of a risky puss shot by Collingwood with about ten minutes to go but the top edge falls safely and England are 58-2 at lunch off 28, Bell 9 and Collingwood 8.

After lunch Warne continues with McGrath at the other end. The Saga-sponsored spell ends when Lee replaces McGrath, but the pressure is also let off as Lee is going for a few more runs. Collingwood is also getting his eye in on Warne. First the 50 partnership, then in the 45th over England reach 100. Drinks are taken. Concentrate. Collingwood and Bell are pretty much matching each other run for run and reach their fifties from consecutive balls in the 59th over, Collingwood first off 113 balls, with 4 fours, then Bell (140; 4). England bat through the afternoon session without losing a wicket, 144-2 at tea off 59 overs.

After tea Lee bowls from the river end, McGrath from the Cathedral End. When Warne comes on, as in the afternoon session, he is bowling from the Cathedral end. Clouds are rolling in from the east and there is a strong breeze blowing across the ground which presumably is helping exagggerate any turn Warne is getting. Bell and Collingwood reach their 100 partnership off the first ball after tea. All is going swimmingly well then Bell decides to get a bit adventurous with a Lee bouncer. The top edge goes high in the air and Bell is halfway back to the pavilion before it finally comes back down to earth and the waiting hands of the bowler. Bell out for 60 - good, but could do oh so much better. England 158-3.

Pietersen hits his second ball to long on for 4. Cant see him digging in for the long grind. Just as well because to be honest its getting flippin' freezing over here on the hill and I could do with something to warm me up. Lee is certainly feeling more fiery and blasts one in that hits Collingwood full on the elbow. Lee certainly enjoyed that one. No serious damage done though and the pair move England smoothly on to 200 in the 72nd over, not long before drinks. After the break Ponting decides to try spin at both ends, bringing Michael Clarke's left arm variety on at the River end. Another 50 partnership in the 75th over, the new ball isn't taken when due. Instead Ponting waits until after Pietersen has reached 50 (70; 4/1) then one ball into the 85th over, its Lee from the River End. Significantly it is not Glen McGrath who gets the honour at the other end, but Stuart Clark. No real heartstopping moments - the 100 partnership is reached in the 88th over. Last over of the day, Pietersen on strike and Collingwood looking set to be 98 not out overnight. Pietersen true to form then decides to try pulling a Lee bouncer second last ball - fortunately the top edge goes towards McGrath who cant make enough ground. A let off - how often have we seen Pietersen get out late in the day? Sometimes it really is better to bat for the close - as Collingwood succeeds in doing with the final ball.

England didn't exactly set the palce alight with their 266-3 off 90 overs. But Australia will be concerned if these two continue to flourish tomorrow morning. First job will be for Collingwood to get past the hurdle that he fell at in Brisbane, that of an Ashes century. Bu he and Pietersen need big hundreds to build on the foundations that have been so painstakingly laid today.

As for the bowlers, Lee (1-77 off 20) and McGrath (0-51 off 18) both put in more overs than Clark, who finished witht he best figures (2-25 off 15). Warne will know he's had a day on the park after a fruitless 27 overs. And if England can bat a significant portion of tomorrows scheduled play Clark(with an e) can expect to add to the ten overs he bowled today, just to give the old crocks a break.

Game on!

DAY 2

Today could go one of two ways. My happy thoughts are telling me that Collingwood and Pietersen will see off the sticky period with the still-new ball then put on a massive partnership which will be the foundation of England's 450+ total. But every now and then the idea that both will be out in the early overs and England crumble to about 340 bursts in to my cheerful mind.

The day starts early for me, about 6am, as I have to be at the Adelaide Convention Centre at 7 for breakfast with Terry Jenner. Arrive to find out he's invited about another 900 people along too. Someone is going to be busy with the toaster. These "Test Brekkies" have been an increasingly popular feature of the Adelaide test for 15 years and today’s event is oversubscribed. The morning’s entertainment kicks off, if you will excuse the pun, with cancan dancers. Not exactly what I had in mind but the gentlemen in the gathering seem appreciative. Except those nursing hangovers from the night before - the heavy beat rock music reverberating around the room. TJ then goes on to introduce a variety of guests - firstly and rather strangely a man who he says is responsible for building many of the homes in Adelaide. Can you believe his name is Bob? His presence becomes clear when we read the programme and discover that Homestead Builders are a sponsor of the event. We fill our champagne glasses and raise a toast to Bob the Builder in thanks ( did I mention there was champagne? Or beer if that’s more your tipple at 7am?)

The moment the ten or so Barmy Army tables were waiting for arrived fairly early on with the arrival of late booking Bill Cooper, famed in these parts as the man unable to blow his own trumpet. At last he was to be heard in Adelaide. He entertained the audience with the theme tunes from "Rocky" and "Neighbours", finishing with a tribute to the Australian team, the theme for "Dad's Army". Who do you think you are kidding Ricky Ponting, if you think old England's done . . . Glenn McGrath and Shane Warne, both present, nearly choked on their scrambled egg.

Another interesting moment arrives with guest David Graveney. He was given a few minutes to relax and tell us humourous tales about confusion over his relationship to Tom Graveney (actually his uncle, not his father and heavens above not his brother) before TJ asks the question all English and many Australians present want to know - why the hell isn't Monty playing? DG plays the straight bat, saying that selection on tour is the role of the coach and the captain, although he may be asked for his opinion. TJ offers up the slider - why just the one spinner on a pitch expected to turn like a turny thing? DG just about gets the bat down in time on this one - it is believed that the pace bowlers will do the job for England. To which TJ replies with the googly - England's pace bowlers are s**t and England should have changed their team. DG gets an edge onto his pads and the ball bobs up to the short leg fielder - Australia kept the same team, only playing the one spinner. TJ's reply - our (Aussie) pace bowlers can bowl at the stumps. Howzat!!!. DG trudges off stage and back to the pavilion.  We leave fed and watered after another turn by the dancing girls in time to get to the ground for start of play.

Clark and Lee open from the Cathedral and River ends respectively, Warne and McGrath being given more time to digest breakfast. Collingwood clips one from Lee through midwicket to bring up his 100 - the first for England in this Ashes series (204 balls; 7x4) McGrath replaces Clark in the 9th over of the morning. Pietersen drives his first ball of the day for 4. The next one is straight down the ground for another 4, the fourth ball is pulled for another boundary. England have passed the 300 mark.

Lee tries a different tactic, bouncing Pietersen so high that Bucknor is forced to call a wide. Nothing will stop Pietersen and he too reaches his hundred before lunch (149; 10/1). It is definitely morning session to England as they go to lunch 347-3 off 117 overs, Collingwood 135, Pietersen 103.

Service is resumed after lunch. McGrath is bowling from the river end and Warne from the Cathedral end. Warne is bowling well outside Pietersen’s leg stump and ball after ball, over after over, he is padding them away. Whose patience will crack first? Australia are gambling that Pietersen will get frustrated and eventually have a go at one of these. Needless to say they don’t bother using these tactics with Collingwood who is probably far too sensible to fall for that one.

In the 124th over the partnership reaches 200 – a record for the 4th wicket by either side at the Adelaide Oval. Collingwood reaches 150 in the 127th over. Pietersen is starting to crack but it is McGrath he opts to have a go at, charging down the wicket towards him and getting away with it. Ponting decides enough is enough and replaces McGrath with Lee. Meanwhile up at the other end the umpire decides enough is enough and calls a wide for Warne. But nothing is shifting these two who take England to 400 at drinks. Clarke comes on for Warne in the 135th and the partnership reaches 250 and beyond to become the highest partnership for any wicket in an ashes test at Adelaide (previous record held by Hammond and Jardine, 262) then the highest 4th wicket partnership for an Ashes test in either country (previous best 288 by Hussain and Thorpe, Edgbaston 1997). And finally, after a 70 year wait, an Englishman scores a double century in Australia (the last man to do so being Hammond in 1936). Collingwood’s 200 comes off 383 balls with 16 fours.

Just when we were thinking that England were going to bat through two sessions without losing a wicket Clark comes back on and gets Collingwood, a slightly tired isn’t-it-time-for-tea edge of a wide ball through to Gilchrist. England are 468-4 at tea and Collingwood has earned all the jammy dodgers he can eat.

In the interest of research I have spent most of day 2 – since Pietersen reached his hundred – in the Members area. I can report this is most pleasant, so long as you get someone to arrive very early in the day as seats are not allocated. Members place a little sticker on the bit of bench seat they wish to occupy during the match to reserve their place. Of course, far more members admission tickets are issued than there are places to sit and watch the match, but for many this is a social occasion to which the goings on out in the middle are distinctly peripheral to their entertainment. Outside the stands there is a large lawned area with marquees and tables, refreshment outlets of every imaginable type and for those who would like to keep half an eye on matters Ashes there are large screens relaying pictures to the crowds at the back. And it is here that I spent the final session of the day. Firstly some tea-time refreshment rather more chilled than a pot of Earl Grey – well we did have to toast Collingwood’s 200 and the champagne is only £10 a bottle. Then a toast to the highest fourth wicket partnership at Adelaide. A toast to the highest partnership for any wicket at Adelaide. A toast for the highest Ashes fourth wicket partnership. Look, there’s Pietersen getting to his 150 (246; 14/1). Better raise a glass for that one. Oops too soon as he goes for a suicidal single and Ponting’s direct hit runs him out by a distance. Pietersen out for 158 for the third time in his career, England 489-5.

Jones joins Flintoff but not for long as he is caught by Martyn off Warne. I though him unlucky as I’m sure there were two balls there. . .Giles joins Flintoff and for a while things are going a bit slow (or is that just my perception of time) but soon Flintoff starts playing a few more shots and the scoreboard is ticking over again past the 50 partnership. The question is, what is the declaration target? 550, 600, more? Will they bat on till the close or get the Australians in to bat a few overs tonight. The answer comes when England pass 550 after 168 overs of the innings and Flintoff calls an end to proceedings. England 551-6 declared, Flintoff not out 38, Giles not out 27.

Flintoff takes the new ball with Hoggard. This decision is proven correct when he gets Langer, caught by Pietersen, off the last ball of his first over. 8-1. Lets raise a glass to Freddie! It was to be the last toast of the day as Australia survived further unscathed to be 28-1 off 9 overs at the close, Hayden 12 and Ponting 11. Warne and McGrath must have wished they had got lost on the way to the ground from breakfast, Warne returning 1-167 from his 53 overs and McGrath with his worst ever test figures of 0-107. I don’t know much about avian medicine but that’s one sick Pigeon!

DAY 3

Before I go any further I have a confession: I’ve been sleeping with the enemy. An Australian. But before you jump to any conclusions he has had the top bunk in our 4 bed dorm and I have been fully chaperoned by English friends Neil and Clare.

Gus is large, loud and proud to be Australian. He is also bezzie mates with Hugh Jackman. Yes, THAT Hugh Jackman. Who just happened to want to make a documentary about what life is like on tour with the Barmy Army. Unfortunately other commitments meant that Mr J would be busy during this Ashes series (or maybe he just didn’t manage to get tickets in the Cricket Australia ticketing farce). So he sent us Gus instead to make the fly-on-the-hill documentary “An Aussie Goes Barmy”. Neil and Clare have been followed all the way from their Nottingham home so by choosing to stay in their hostel dorm I get to meet the soon-to-be-moderately-famous Gus and, more alarmingly, the opportunity to get a bit part in said TV show. Whoopie-dee.

Not sure what to expect when I meet the man who will be occupying the top bunk for the next week. Apart from a propensity to wear yellow (SUCH a difficult colour to carry off once past the age of seven) we get on pretty well – he may sound like a fair dinkum Aussie but he actually lives in England, was married in Wells and played club cricket in Somerset (against the Parsons amongst others). Brownie points aplenty

Anyway, off to the cricket and a big day for the Australians if they are to keep themselves in this match. Matthew Hayden has something to prove – before this series started it was the marginally older Justin Langer whose opening position was deemed under threat by the increasingly impressive Jaques. But after a successful Brisbane it is Hayden who looks ill at ease. He has not had a good time of late. Discarded as opener for the one day squad at the ICC Trophy, he then gets bitten by a dog whilst out jogging near his Queensland home. The dog was subsequently put down – though news reports neglect to say what the dog contracted from Mr H. And to cap it all he turns up at Brisbane to find the Poms have an opener, Alistair Cook, with a surname he wished he’d thought of first. Matthew Hayden (family motto – “Get down, Shep”) could do with a change of luck. But it won’t happen today as he is caught behind off the last ball of Hoggard’s second over of the day. 35-2.

Flintoff had chosen to open with Hoggard but is replaced by Harmison for then 7th over of the day from the river end. His second ball finds the edge of Martyn’s bat but bounces well in front of slip. Australia reach 50 in the 17th over. Hoggard has bowled unchanged from the cathedral end and in the last over before the drinks break he gets Martyn, edging to Bell who dives forwards to take the catch with both hands. Martyn disappoints again with 11, Australia 65-3 in the 23rd.

After the break Hoggard toils on and almost gets the Man Most Wanted. Ponting pulls, Giles is on the boundary trying to spot the ball against the sun. In the end I think Giles thought the ball was going way over his head for 6, in reality he gets his hands to it but the ball goes down. Ponting dropped on 35. Just how expensive will that be? Hoggard decides enough is enough and takes his hat for the final time in the morning session. Anderson replaces him and with Flintoff at the other end for Harmison the batters aren’t finding things easy. Both bowlers are getting a bit of swing, there are edges that don’t carry and lbw appeals that are turned down. Ponting reaches his 50 off a pedestrian 106 balls (5 x 4). The best chanced of breaking this vital partnership goes begging when Ponting goes for a quick single a couple of overs before lunch. A direct hit by Collingwood would have sent the Australian captain to the front of the queue for lunch, as it was Australia go to lunch 105-3 off 35, Ponting 77 and Hussey 16.

I miss pretty much all of the afternoon session whilst filming my ‘what’s your name and where do you come from’ bit for the TV programme. Much of this time was spent looking for a suitable spot for filming. I objected to a backdrop of bins, the Adelaide stewards ruled out using the (empty) net area so after meandering around the car park for a while we settled on a spot in front of the rose garden. For an English rose, apparently. God these television types are full of s**t. As were the rose beds. Horse s**t probably. As one of my top 10 allergic triggers (along with cats, rabbits, birds and Australians) it was not the ideal spot.

Return to ground zero on the hill after tea to find that Ponting has reached his second hundred in as many matches (183; 8) and in doing so has passed the record for test hundreds by an Australian. Hussey is still there with him on 49 and Australia are 185-3. Hussey reaches his 50 soon after tea (129; 3/1). The 200 is up in the 68th over then the 250 in the 82nd. The new ball is taken after 82.1 overs with immediate effect for Hoggard as Ponting gets an edge and Jones takes the catch. Ponting looks more than disappointed with his 142; on 257-4 Australia are still 95 short of the follow-on target. His concern will have increased just a few overs later when Hussey gets an inside edge onto his stumps. Another wicket for Hoggard and Hussey must wait for his first Ashes ton. 286-5. Gilchrist joins Clarke and England, like me, must have been thinking that they were down to the tail now. Gilchrist of late has not been the force with the bat he once was. Australia close on 312-5 off 97 overs, Clarke 30 and Gilchrist 13. But how much better would it have looked if Giles had held that catch this morning

And from there on the wheels fall off all over the place!  Gilchrist keeps the tail together but the Oz don't get to the English total and it all looks like a draw.  But the English lads haven't finished  yet!  With a morale boosting dominant performance there for the taking, they manage to lose all their second innings wickets for less than 140 and the Aussies put their sights beyond the draw and take the game with overs to spare (not that many though). 

If only Giles hadn't been misplaced in the field.  If the English hadn't run around llike headless chickens when Warney started to bowl.  If only Pietersen, Jones and Flintoff hadn't forgotten they were batting in an Ashes Test rather than the local park and left those wide and crappy balls alone rather than trying to put them into orbit....ahhhh well.  Bye Bye Ashes but thanks Bagpuss for continuing on with the lost cause to the third Test where I confidently expect the home side to put the 2006/2007 Winter Ashes contest to bed before we actually get to 2007.

On to Perth.