By Lawrence Fulwell
October 10 2005

Now then. Yer alright? Well there is no Premiership this weekend but I still got plenty to talk about you know. Always one to keep my tongue in the groove so to speak. Anyways like, what a funny bloody team you lot have. You were shocking against the mighty Sunderland. Mind you, the fact that we were all over yer like a knob rash might have had somat to do with it like.

But still you go and play Villa off the park and by all accounts Villa were lucky not to get a right roasting from that big Yakaurba guy up front for you lot.

And from what I read that Rollingback fella managed to put something together at last for yer. But inconsistency is not gonna win yer anything this year is it? Mind you its only one yer one trophy in 200 years or somat.

But still I gotta take my hand off and hold my hat up to yer and say you gave me a shock when you went down on the Villa with the passion that you did.

One thing Sunderland cant be accused of is inconsistency. We lost all our early games and now have started a run of form that will take us right to the very limits of the game.

I mean you just have to see the lads and how much they want to pull on the red 'n' white shirts of Sunderland to know that we can only look back instead of forward and that way we will avoid the oncoming traffic behind us. If yer follow me like.

We looked as comfortable as a man on the nest with Gail from Coronation Street against West Ham. But a top class quality side littered with international super stars like West Ham were always gonna bounce back on top of us and give us a lesson in how to finish the job in hand coming from behind.

Did yer see the Toon? I dunno what to make of that shower of shite? I think Shearer did really retire last season cause he has done bugger all this season and looks about as interested as I am in those Australian soap operas wor lass watches.

Mind you there is some big strong blonde lads in those shows. Makes me wonder if they are as big Down Under. Anyway the toon- what a pile of bollocks they are. Pompey murdered 'em off the park and it was only because of that keeper of their's that they managed to grasp a point, like a one armed man hanging off a cliff with itchy balls.

Hartlepool had a great win last weekend and I was well impressed with the style of the performance. I should think Pools will now lift off and aim once more for the play offs. Like a blind man with his dog's lead trapped in the doors of an old Ford Cortina.

Pools do have some decent players when you take a close look at the squad, as I did pre-season to see if they had any nice young hard lads that I could fancy for the Sunderland like.

Darlo on the other hand are dropping like a stone. And I for one, even with my vast footballing knowledge, is lost as to why a team with such experience is not doing the business.

Reminds me of my wedding night when wor lass told me she was still a virgin. I was shocked and I just couldn't perform to the level that a man of my sexual experience is expected to. So I went home and told me Mam like and she says "Yer did right coming home son. If she is not good enough for the rest of the lads in Roker, she is not good enough for you."

Classy woman my mother. Never touched a drink or smoked all her life. Unless someone offered her a drink or a tab like. I mean she was not wanting to offened anyone like.

So this weekend we see that other shower of shite, the England team take on Austria.

And after the performance against Wales and Northern Ireland you would think Sven would tell his players to go all out and attack to win in style. But there is more chance of him turning down the chance of shagging some blondes than him dropping all this boring and negative bollocks.

Football? I would rather put my knob in the right hand of a nutcase who has a carving knife in his left I tell yer. Funny thing is the connection is there for all to see. It is you smogs. Yer it's your boss.

I have watched you lot a few times this year and I also see what yer say about him on the message board thing. Boring negative tactics, playing players out of position. England or Boro? Or both?

Not like our boss Big Mick, a good old fashioned English manager. Good centre half as well. How he never played for England I don't know.

So with that in mind I think England will just sneak it 1-0 against Austria but Poland are a different kettle of newts. Why do England always get Poland by the way? It's not as if we are even close. They are over by Russia so its hardly a local derby is it?

So I see us losing to Poland lads. Sorry but we just are all over the shop and Beckham is a puff and that Rooney would rather fight everyone than play these days.

On the subject of Rooney. Do yer really think he did shag that 60 year old prostitute? He must be a bit kinky cause yer woudn't catch me paying for sex I tell yer. Apart from when I give wor lass her house keeping money that is.

Anyway that's me for this week. I will return next week with some more football wit and humour just for you lot.

Up the Sunderland.
Black Cats forever.
Big Lawry.