By Penguin Jack
January 5 2005

And a very warm welcome to the first flashback of 2005. I am writing this on a Virgin cross country train to Plymouth and it reminds me of a very interesting trip to Bristol in September 1994, when Bryan Robson was the Daddy. So the tale of the tape was that we were flying under Robbo in his first season and looked certain to continue this against a lacklustre and poor Bristol City side. This was my first and so far only trip to Ashton Gate.

The day was planned well in advance and we had a good squad of twenty lads all ready to see the Boro win and if we had a few drinks and a laugh along the way so be it.

We all met up early at Darlo station on the Saturday of the game and I came prepared with a crate of Grolsch, which was bought from one of those booze cruise guys for a tenner. A bargain, I thought.

Then Deano decided that as we were going down into cider country, he would start on the white lighting and have a blow out! Needless to say he was the first one out of the game. Early doors for Deano but the rest of us were in fine form. We found a carridge and entertained our fellow travellers with our filthy jokes and tales of various sexual encounters that we felt we needed to share with everyone else within earshot.



Anyway as the train speeded through the country, the bloody toilet broke and the other one was miles down the other end of the train. So we took it in turns pissing into Dean's empty White Lighting bottle and then emptying it out of the window. All good fun until the train stopped at Leeds and someone had a accident and knocked the piss bottle all over the place. And it stunk!

This in turn started rounds of accusations and counter accusations, which in turn lead to a five man brawl on the train.

It was all to much for some of the lads who decided that they had had enough and realised we could be in big bother. So they left the main group, me included, and went down the other end of the train and ran straight into ten scumbag Leeds fans who had also been drinking. And it all went off again...

I was hammered and I couldn’t tell where we were in the country as the banter and abuse carried on with Boro and Leeds each sharing witty banter and making threats to kick each others fucking heads in.

Around this time, the Grolsch was making me feel a bit queasy, so I did the decent thing and threw up on the table, much to the delight of my mates and the horror of the old dear sat over the other side.

To cut a long story short, it was a very drunk, ill and smelly young Jack that arrived at Ashton Gate and found the away end in fine form and voice. In fact the ground was nearly empty and the Bristol fans didn’t seem interested at all.

We won with Johnny Hendrie on the wing who was now a centre forward scoring the only goal in a crap game which was livened up by the very nice pasties indeed.

So to the journey back and it wasn’t going to be pretty. Most of the lads were still pissed and now had the excitement of a Boro victory to spur them on to even greater depths of human depravity.

And the drink was soon stocked up from an off licence where the poor guy didn’t have a clue what had hit him when twenty Northerners burst into his shop and started messing about and just being generally pissed.

In fact, two of the lads tried to hide porn mags down each others trousers, thus starting a shoving match which in turn knocked the entire magazine rack over!

We got to the Bristol Temple Meads station with an hour's wait until our Darlo train arrived, so we started a quickfire drinking session in the station bar.

Someone decided that a game of dares would liven things up, so this ensued for the rest of the day and my dare was to walk out onto the crowded platform, drop my kegs and shout...

"I am homosexual and proud!"

I did it, enjoyed it and ran away and hid. I was lucky because some poor lad got the 'drink the pint of urine' challenge which no one wanted.

On the train back we met our Leeds friends again. They must have had Villa or someone that day and we started the Boro/Leeds friendly rivalry again. Leeds shouts of 'child molesters' and 'Yorkshire rejects' abounded as we responded with the Boro classic 'Where's ya kids?'

I think we ended up in the Arena when we got back to Boro and the party continued till the early hours. I pulled a stunner and had amazing sexual intercourse in several different positions with her all night. At least I think that’s where I spent the night anyway...

Till next time
Take care and be good
Up the Boro
Jack

Another flashback from Jack coming your way next Thursday.