By Nick Sparkes
April 1 2005

Today the British Government (a.k.a Labour) announced a lump sum of money to improve Silverstone with a view of keeping the race there until 2036. The proposed improvements include the new “Car Sharing Lane” which will extend from Woodcote all the way down to Stowe corner.

Government announces £130 million to improve Silverstone

 

The lane will be reinforced with millions of camera’s, and driver’s caught abusing the system will be fined £160 and given a two minute stop and go penalty. The idea is to lower congestion by forcing driver’s to share their vehicle with someone else, thus allowing two seater Formula One cars to race with the normal single seater’s. It’s also apart of the ‘cost cutting’ measures which are in force in Formula One which means teams will save money on an extra car, driver, petrol, tyres…etc.

 

Transport minister Alistair Darling enthused “The new Car Sharing Lane will help encourage drivers out of their cars and into someone else’s, meaning less cars on the track thus reducing climate change - which everyone knows is the sole cause of rain." Tony Blair, Labour’s crybaby, commented; “Will I win more votes if I say yes?” Then Car dealer Bernie Ecclestone explained, “If the government are willing to work with us, I’ll try and buy them out”. Finally Minardi boss Paul Stoddard smiled “Its fantastic! I have a good five of these two seater Formula One cars in my lock up and there bloody cheaper to fun than our latest single seater, this should hopefully give us a better chance than recent years!”

 

Its unconfirmed whether these new improvements will be finished in time for this years race as the workman haven’t even turned up for the briefing this morning. But its been promised this years British Grand Prix is set to be one of the wildest yet, so watch this space!