By Phil Huff
April 6 2006

As I write this, I'm trying to figure out what to do on my 30th birthday. That turns up tomorrow, so perhaps it's a little late to start now, but I've never been one for a great deal of forward planning. Still, at least there'll be presents, and I hope lots of them. So, what do I want for my birthday? Health and happiness are top of the list and, so far, I seem to be doing alright. A bit more hair wouldn't go amiss, but you can't have everything.

Neither can Jenson Button. (Ouch! That was a painful link!)

Despite waiting for a winning car for six years, and being promised one in 2006, the first win for both team and driver seems as elusive as ever. So, accepting that you can't have everything, what would be on Honda's list of birthday wishes?

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Rocket propelled cars to be made legal. It was good to see Honda trying to sneak the technology into F1, and it so nearly worked. Experiments carried out on Jenson's car in Australia proved it can be put in place, but they need to figure out how to hide the flames - they were a real give away.

A handicap system. While Ferrari have made a good start on that, handicapping themselves for 2005 and 2006, there's still the problem of that pesky Renault. Step in Red Bull, as they're simply going round and buying up their top people. If they can just save enough money to buy Fernando Alonso...

Mixed up grids. The FIA are trying to help, starting in Malaysia by keeping the final grid a secret until (nearly) after the race had started. It's obvious that fans don't like to know what's going on, and the same goes for the teams. Why plan for a certain grid slot, when you can just draw names out of a hat. Actually, scrap that - the FIA may be reading.

A return to V10 engines. If it's good enough for Toro Rosso, then it's good enough for Honda. Compared, somewhat unfavourably, to a tractor, the low-revving, big and lumbering V10's in the STR generate lots of torque, and that's good for getting off the line and out of slow corners. Given that Honda seem to be struggling off the line, why not get the V10 back in? Actually, Honda have got experience of tractors, so perhaps there's room for movement there.

Tractor beams. Alright, they won't let us have V10's. Seemingly only well-funded teams with daft paint jobs are allowed them, so we've got to find another way round our start problems. Star Trek have them on the Enterprise, so we'll simply install a tractor beam on to the RA106 and cling on to the back of the Renault. Still doesn't get us past it, though.

Individual time zones. We've cracked it! Let each driver start the race at the designated time, but in his own time zone. That way Jenson gets to start a full five hours ahead of Scott Speed, or even team mate Rubens Barrichello. Surely a guaranteed win. Apart from Renault, of course. Who else would it be? They're not only quicker, but they'd get to start a further hour ahead of Jenson.

Villeneuve's return? Sorry, just kidding.

Finally then, a race win? We know they're working on it at Brackley, and they're getting so close. We've always been strong at San Marino, so perhaps there's a small chance.

Now that would be a birthday present!

Phil Huff
RealHondaF1.com

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