By Andy and Gussie
July 25 2005

After much planning and expectation the Bath boys headed off to play in the Fatboy Sevens. So how did they do? How fat were they? Was there just seven? Read on and find out. Bath Tubs v Arabian Knights (Sarries) 22-29 (HT 22-0!)
Our first match exposed our (well OK my) tactical naivety. Having put ourselves into a commanding lead with fine tries from Crippsy, Ed, A N Other and a near full length of the pitch effort from BFSIG, we decided to ring the changes at half time. Unfortunately this coincided with the Arabian Knights realising that they were 3 stone a man heavier than our team and if they gave the ball to their deceptively fast oak tree of a flanker cum winger, he would just walk through our tackles. And so it proved to be. Deep into the 2nd half it still looked we might hang on to the result when BFSIG put in a fine tackle to stop one the AKs rampages towards our try line, but the ball was recycled and the Knights crossed the line to tie the scores. The killer blow came in the next move when Robbinho, having plucked the ball from the air following a kick, found himself isolated, the AKs stole the ball in the in-goal area and the rest, as they say, is history!


Mercenaries (Saints) v Bath Tubs 5-5 (game abandoned due to injury)
Our second game was a much more evenly matched affair. The average weight ratio between the teams was much closer, and the Mercenaries too had some players that were stretching the definition of fat. The game started with some fine defensive work by the Tubs, with Crippsy on one wing literally throwing his opposite number into touch as he tried to go on the outside around him and BFSIL forcing his man out on the other side. Unfortunately, this game didn't make it to half time however as one of the Mercenaries (Gary Chapman) took a nasty injury (broken tib and fib).


Bruno Nero's (Bedford) v Bath Tubs 22-17
Again a healthy half time lead was established by the Tubs (well healthyish!), only to be squandered in the second half – this was of course tactical as the Tubs discovered that victory may well put them through to the later rounds, where the fat boys looked that much meaner and nastier and the spattering of thinner ones all looked fast and try hungry – that’s our story and we’re sticking to it!! The inspirational talk from Redneck at half time, clearly wasn’t inspirational enough and his instruction of ‘avoid the contact at all costs’ only returned to haunt him, when on receiving the ball, in a style that Kevin Maggs would be proud of, he headed straight for the largest player on the pitch to shouts of “avoid the contact” from his team mates on the sidelines. Not content with running into the opposition, Redneck also managed 2 collisions in the game with his own team mates, Damo retired nursing a sore shoulder and Andy R finished the game with a bloody nose and the imprint of parts of Rednecks’ anatomy on his face, much to the annoyance of Crippsy, who was concerned that Andy’s new bloodied look, may scare off the girls! Andy R undoubtedly made the tackle of the match, late on, holding up one of their ‘speedsters’ once he had crossed the line and thus preventing the try.


Bristol Pasty Eaters v Bath Tubs 0-48
This game was played in the best spirit with the Brizzlers laying down the gauntlet with their own very special wurzel inspired Haka - Ooo-aar!, which did have to be seen to be believed. Bristol were in generous mood and, clearly not realising that it would mean another game, were aiming for the Wooden Spoon of the group and what followed was an 8 try tout of our local rivals. Redneck, now fed up with the ‘avoid the contact’ shouts from the sidelines, ran in an early try, starting with a sidestep that must surely demand his immediate resignation from the ‘front row union’. Other scorers included Ed, Sean, the ‘Bath fan stuck in….’ twins, Crippsy, a long range (well, long range for him anyway) effort from Gussie and Andy R, who finished the game off scorching to the corner. Highlight of the match, without a shadow of a doubt, was when the Brizzlers brought out a step ladder for one of their lineouts – Robbinho, who was helping to hold the ladder steady, rose like a salmon (well… a tinned salmon), and stole the ball from the mighty erection next to him and set off down the field.

Bath Tubs Man or the tournament nominations were deservedly received for Andy R, Sean, and Ed, but Bath Fan Stuck in Glos took the much-coveted award and now owes us all a pint!

Fat Bloke 7s Squad
Ken_jnr, Redneck, Alibev, Bath Fan Stuck in Glos (BFSIG), BFSIL, Rich_L, Exile, Gussieboy, Robbinho, Boy (Robbinho’s Bruv), Crippsy*, Crusoe*, Damo*, Roly*, Ginger Rich*, Andy R, Ed**, Sean**

* Crippsy All Stars
** Andy R’s Sarfa pals