Saracens
McCALL'S LAST STAND
By Darraghgirl
March 20 2016
So this is where they would make their last stand, Mark McCall’s battle-weary Barnet Homeguard. For close on 60 days and 60 nights they had held the fort since King Edward called forth the Warriors, those Knights of the Realm, to join him in the Crusades leaving just the young and the old, the battle-scarred and the untried to defend their home. Word had it that the Crusades were over, successfully concluded with victory for England and St George, and soon that blossom of manhood would return to strengthen the ranks of those they left behind. But for now, one last effort was required.
It had been a long 8 weeks. But McCall’s men had largely risen to the challenge. Apart from an invasion of Wasps, which tore through the camp like a whirlwind, and a vision of Saints, which mesmerised the defenders with their heavenly power, the platoon had stood firm against everything that the marauding hoards had thrown at them. They had even crossed the great Ocean to defend their honour. During the campaign, two men had been captured:- one had served his time and been released but the other was still being held by the unjust court who convicted him. It was hoped the return of the Warriors would also see his liberation.
One more battle. One more challenge for broken bodies and tired legs to withstand. There was Goode news with the advance arrival from Gaul of one of the Warriors sent on ahead to strengthen the Barnet Homeguard. The one named Brits had also been set free from his prison. Could he summon up the strength to carry them home? Would this be enough? The site chosen for the battle was the town of Leicester, home of a tribe of Tigerish fighters. But the good folk of Leicester had been seduced by a different faith – the God of the Round Ball – whereby a new army had risen to the top of a far richer league and many people were flocking to see this new breed of heroes led by St Jamie of Vardey. Would the Tigerish ones still be able to defend their lands?
The Tigerish ones had chosen their battle ground well – a castle built on sand where footholds were difficult especially for those used to the surefootedness of plastic pitches. The Tigerish fighters were giants in the front row and sadly Private Figallo could not hold onto them. However help was at hand when the fearsome Mulipola was ordered from the field of battle for 10 minutes contmplation. A mighty kick from Lance Corporal Bosch went wide but then up stepped the Goode one to shoot the first missile between the Tigerish’s posts. Soon after, the Tigerish ones sent forth their General Burns to level the scores when an attempted pass from the flagging General Mordt was intercepted. All too soon the 10 minutes was over and Barnet’s Homeguard had not capitalised on their weight of numbers. The Tigerish ones battered and battered the brave men from Barnet but somehow their defence held. Sergeant Brown was like a rock, refusing to take a step backwards and rallying his troops. Captain Barritt was among the fallen although he limped on with his men. In the end another penalty was conceded and once again General Burns hit the target.
Both sides retired for a break before returning to the battlefield to fight once again. Sadly General Mordt was in big trouble. His pass was intercepted and instead he grabbed hold of Betham of the Tigers by his shirt which is not allowed under the rules of engagement and he was sent from the field of battle to consider his position. The Tigerish ones seized their opportunity and twice breached the Barnet Homeguard’s back line, first through General Burns and then through Private Goneva. By the time General Mordt returned to try and rally his troops the battle was almost lost.
But not everyone was admitting defeat. Sergeant Brown raised the Standard high and called his men to him. At last the Barnet Homeguard got close to the Tigerish ones’ battle line and with the help of Lieutenant Wigglesworth, the Goode one from Gaul crossed the line. When he also kicked the extra 2 points he was instantly awarded a battlefield commission to Lieutenant and General Mordt departed the fray a broken man. That promotion was upgraded almost at once to Captain when his long shot bisected the posts and the Barnet Homeguard now grasped a losing bonus point in their hands, probably the best they could hope for.
But the Tigerish ones weren’t finished yet. General Burns was reading the battle well and scored a dropped goal to snatch the bonus point from their fingers. With 3 minutes left, Private Ellery was penalised for a no arm tackle. Initially just a penalty but then a second offence was noted by the arbiter – a neck roll committed on Major Brown which somehow meant that Private Ellery got a yellow card (explain that one if you can) and was sent from the field of battle in disgrace. As the fighting edged to its close there was another chance for the Goode one – another battlefield promotion was in sight but sadly his kick went astray and he was demoted back to Lieutenant.
And so the brave Barnet Homeguard were defeated in their final battle and retreated back to their brave steeds for the long march back home. In the end it was a game too far for the depleted squad. There they stood on the sandy beach with their backs to the sea and nowhere to go.
But wait, what is that I see on the horizon? Behold, in the distance there are Standards flying in the breeze. Here they come at last, the brave Crusaders victorious in their International war under King Edward and now on their way home. Here comes Sir Marohad and Sir Billylot, St George and Sir Makolot and Sir Owen of Farrell bringing up the rear. And look from the North comes Laird Duncan, his sporran swinging merrily as he too heads for home. And they bring news that soon the imprisoned Sir Chris will be released and allowed to join up with the rest of the men.
The Barnet Homeguard have little time to regroup before the next attack by the Braves of Exeter on Saturday. Cocky Braves, on top of the table but with little in the way of reinforcement to come. Next week will be a whole different ball game. The Homeguard will once again become the Grenadier Guards, and troop the colour!
Tigerish ones:
Bell, Thompstone, Betham, Williams, Goneva, Burns, Kitto, Ayerza, Thacker, Mulipola, Barrow, Kitchener, McCaffrey, Crane
Rep: Bateman, Genge, Balmain, Croft Fonua, Harrison, Smith, Veainu
Barnet Homeguard;
The Goode one, Pte Ellery, L.Cpl Bosch, Cpt Barritt, Pte Wyles, General Mordt, Lt De Kock, Pte Barrington, Pte Brits, Pte Figallo, Pte Hamilton, Pte Hargreaves, Pte Rhodes, Sgt Brown, Pte Wray
Rep: Pte Porecki, Pte Lamositele, Pte Du Plessis, Pte Smith, Pte Fraser, Lt Wigglesworth, Pte Tompkins, Pte Ransom.
SCORERS:
Tigerish ones (21):
Tries: Burns, Goneva; Conv: Burns, Pen: Burns (2), DG: Burns
Barnet Homeguard (13)
Try: The Goode one, Conv: The Goode One, Pen: The Goode one (2)
Att; 22,282
Arbiter: J P Doyle
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Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2016:03:31:07:08:03 by Darraghgirl.
This has cheered me up.
Nous sommes l'armée noir et rouge !
Thank You.
I was 17 miles from Graybridge before I was caught by the school leopard
BTW, Jamie is of the Vardy family, better known for the purveyance of carriages to the proletariat
It's a long time since Sports network paid anything!
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