By ChrisC
December 5 2011

Lost in Translation                                                                                                                             When travelling overseas I try to have a grasp of the rudiments of the local language.  I think it’s polite and it’s simpler scratching by in everyday life.  The exception was when I worked in Hong Kong and never grasped the slightest bit of Cantonese

As a general rule this strategy paid off, the exception being in France where my French got me into trouble. 

At the end of a not altogether successful camping holiday we’d decided upon an overnight stay in Paris to appease the girls.  My friend (the accountant) had been in charge of logistics for our odyssey and had decided that there was no need to book accommodation as, according to the tourist guide he was using; “Paris for Skinflints” I think it was called, it was plentiful and cheap in the French capital. 

We found the Arrondissement identified as being the centre of this accommodation and I, as the so called “French Speaker”, was despatched into a small hotel to make an enquiry.  I should say at this point that while I could speak a bit of French I was singularly unable to understand any reply given. 

When I entered the dimly lit reception I was met by a lady dressed in black, who was as wide as she was tall and had the demeanour of a constipated Bullfrog.  Undeterred I launched into my prepared enquiry for accommodation.  Upon completion there was a brief silence following which the woman moved with the most remarkable speed and, collecting a brush, chased me out of the hotel lambasting me the whole while until I was once again on the pavement. 

Fortunately a passerby who spoke English asked what was happening and when I explained and repeated the enquiry that had brought the wrath of Madame Bullfrog he laughed and asked what I thought I’d asked for and I said that I wanted two rooms with double beds.  “Ah” said my new friend “what you actually asked for was a room with a bed for four people”.  He went to speak with the newly scandalised Madame Bullfrog and all was well and in fact she was very nice but my attempts at French were dealt a blow and similar later forays, which included my bringing a whole factory out on strike, persuaded me that it was perhaps better to simply shout in English! 

Tigers will need to do a lot of shouting on Sunday as the Stade Marcel Michelin will be a bit on the noisy side as the second placed team in the Top 14 appear in front of their home support. 

Last weekend the hosts were again at home and took on Castres who, after a sometimes scruffy sort of performance, they beat by 33 points to 16.  Brock James, who had such a nightmare against Ulster in the opening match of the Heineken Cup, scored a try and then converted it.  Parra slotted three penalties and scored a well taken try after kicking through a loose ball, gathering it and dotting it down, while replacement Nathan Hines got a third try and kept them within three points of the league leaders; with a seven point gap over Castres in third. 

 Tigers were also at home and in an exciting game, spoilt once again by the antics of Chris Ashton and Wayne Barnes, prevailed over Northampton Saints enabling Tigers to progress up the league table to seventh, an advance of three positions, seeing Tigers just 2 points off the top four. 

In the front row for Clermont will probably be ex Sale prop; Lionel Faure who many will remember from his time with the Stockport club when he was part of the Premiership winning 2006 team, back then he was a tough customer not adverse to mixing it up and as the apparent first choice for Clermont nothing has changed, as shown during the opening match with Ulster when he was ultra competitive.  Tigers’ old boy; Benjamin Kayser shares the #2 shirt with Kiwi Tii Paulo who was part of the Crusaders Super 14 winners in 2008. Both are solid in the set piece and dynamic around the park and with the formidable Georgian international Davit Zirakashvilli, who has 30 caps and has scored six tries for his country, likely to be joining them, it’s a formidable front row that will be facing the visitors. 

As Castrogiovanni has started only once since returning from the World Cup I can’t imagine that the Northern Hemisphere’s best tight-head will again be reduced to a supporting role and that he’ll start with the consistently excellent Ayerza and the revitalised Chuter in what is going to be a gargantuan battle. 

Clermont have riches at lock with ex Scotland international Nathan Hines, bringing his 77 cap experience to the cause, vying with young Loic Jacquet, who captained the France Under 21 team to their World Cup champions’ title in 2006.  Wonderfully mobile and great at the breakdown he in turn has to get ahead of the very experienced Julien Pierre who was part of the French Grand Slam squad in 2010 and is a great lineout technician. 

This is obviously a top class set up and Louis Deacon will have to be at his very best, which of late he has been.  It is of course a big loss to Tigers that Geoff Parling’s injury jinx continues and I expect to see Skivington again start as his mobility is a valuable asset, although to be fair Ed Slater had a superb cameo when he came on late against Saints producing a pass to Agulla that was of the very highest quality, following approach work by the young lock worthy of a centre. 

It looks pretty much nailed on that superb, one man line out and another 2010 Grand Slam winner; Julien Bonnaire, will be wearing the #6 shirt and he’s a tremendous presence around the fringes as well.  He’ll be, as likely as not, joined on the open-side by Elvis Vermeulen, as first choice Bardy is injured so the veteran #8 is probably going to be preferred to new signing from Brive;  South African Gerhard Vosloo, which will see  young Alexandre Lapandry, tipped as the next big thing by many more knowledgeable than I your humble correspondent move to #8.  This lad’s a great carrier and tackles like a demon. 

Tigers’ breakaways will have it all to do to contain this trio.  Having seen, what for me was a Man of The Match performance from Steve Mafi, it’ll be a tough call on the young Tongan if a recovered Tom Croft is brought back, as I think he will be, in an attempt to combat the threat of Bonnaire, although Mafi would probably do as good a job given the chance and obviously all Tigers’ blind-sides are now required to be able to run down opposition backs to make try saving tackles as part of their skill set.  I would be tempted to move Mafi up to Lock in place of Skivington so as not to lose his contribution. 

Salvi was once again magnificent and it was an impressive demonstration of self control that when Wood was given his marching orders the Aussie favourite didn’t choke on the saliva that must have been spontaneously produced by the prospect of not having an opposition open side against which to contest the breakdown. 

It’s impossible to overestimate the go forward that Waldrom gives Tigers and I see the breakdown being an incredible contest with the set piece no less so – heaven knows who, if anybody, will prevail! 

Behind the Clermont juggernaut Morgan Parra regained the shirt from Senio who’d stepped in against Montpellier and had another elegant and assured performance.  If Ben Youngs is a pugnacious Terrier then Parra is an elegant Whippet. It will be a fascinating contest between two of the best scrum halves in the World. 

An area where Youngs can get some pointers from his French counterpart is the art of box kicking (or for that matter hen could watch Danny Care’s performance against Wasps). The Tigers’ enfant terrible must be more judicious in his use of the tactic and when defending find touch. 

Brock James seems to be sharing the starting berth at fly-half with the urbane David Skrela and whereas Skrela oozes French sophistication the Australian is all hustle and bustle.  I think Skrela, on his day, is the greater threat and the new, twenty time capped, signing from Toulouse will get the nod against Tigers. 

The expression about curates and eggs could have been devised to describe Toby Flood’s kicking.  I am mystified why, with Twelvetrees in the side he doesn’t get some place kicking opportunities as pretty soon Flood’s is going to cost Tigers dear with another eight points being left on the pitch against Saints.  His kicking from hand is by turns witless and sublime and terrifyingly inconsistent. 

However when he has the ball in hand it’s like watching a magician weaving his spells so artfully does he construct the attack and his tackling is immense. 

At half back then another fascinating sub plot behind two packs who I reckon will fight themselves to a standstill in a rerun of the Battle of Ypres. 

Celtic Kiwi Regan King is another to cross the Channel in search of riches having joined Clermont from Llanelli in the closed season.  Since he started against Ulster he’s had to share the #12 shirt with young Wesley Fofana and the Samoan born and once an All Black for all of nine minutes, Gavin Williams. It’s a hard call whether Williams or King will get the starting berth against Tigers but my bet is that it’ll be the ex Scarlet who’s knowledge of Tigers will tip the scales in his favour and give him his eleventh start for the hosts.  

King has a great eye for the gap in the 10/12 channel and the pace to exploit it so Billy Twelvetrees, who’s sure to continue at inside centre with Allen still injured,  will have to continue his excellent defensive work with Flood while using his power to target the sometimes defensively hesitant Skrela and it is this area that Clermont could miss the dump truck tackling of Italian international Gonzalo Canale who was injured in the defeat by Stade Francais but may not be too far away from fitness and could yet stake a claim. 

In the outside centre berth Clermont club captain; Aurelien Rougerie is playing really well with a wonderful offload against Castres making the Brock James try.  One of the most physical outside centres in World rugby he also has a whole box of tricks to go with his brutal approach. 

It’s unclear at the moment whether Manu Tuilagi is fit to play.  He was looking ready (in all senses) for the fray at Welford Road last Saturday but it remains to be seen whether Richard Cockerill is to keep him under wraps until the return fixture at Welford Road.  If he’s fit then I hope he plays although this would mean moving Matt Smith to the wing in place of Agulla, one thing’s for certain, there’s no way that Smith can be omitted given his recent work and if he is at 13 he is one of the few around who’ll not let Rougerie steamroller him. 

Out wide Clermont have options that cannot be imagined by Tigers within the stupidly self defeating PRL salary cap. 

I have already mentioned Fofana,  who can also play on the wing but there’s also stalwart French international Julien Malzieu, All Black Sitiveni Sivivatu with his 145 international points and Fijians; Noa Nakaitaci and Kini Murimurivalu, who made three appearances at full back for Fiji in the World Cup.  

Murimurivalu is also injured at the moment as is Clermont Academy product Anthony Floch so another exile; British Lion Lee Byrne, recently arrived from Ospreys, has started at full back in every match since he appeared at Ravenhill  and Tigers know to their cost what he can do – it’s sometimes as if he’s a sixteenth man!!! 

I expect the Clermont back three to be: Nakaitaci, Sivivatu and Byrne, an immensely strong and immensely fast combination and so there does not need to be any aimless kicking to them. 

While it’s unclear as to who will or will not be hauled over the disciplinary coals at HQ following the Battle of Welford Road last Saturday it’s probable that any suspensions arising will not be enforced until after Saturday and in any even the Red Card unfairly imposed upon Alex Tuilagi should be rescinded without further ado. 

Agulla is splendid at staying on his feet once tackled, permitting support to arrive and Alex Tuilagi remains one of the best finishers in World rugby and so will ask plenty of questions of the Clermont defence but Geordan Murphy must refrain from his incessant kick chases as unless they are perfectly executed Clermont’s backs will swallow them like a bowl of Escargot. 

Clermont are so well resourced and so strong at home it’s hard for me to see an unlikely Tigers victory and even though they are finding the old Tigerishness I don’t think it’ll be enough so I can’t see a repeat of the 2006 victory when, thanks to four tries from Tom Varndell, Tigers prevailed in France by 40-27 but more likely a rerun of the 2009 fixture when Tigers were close but not close enough.