By apb on 08/08/2003
August 8 2003

Well, its nearly upon us, the Fat Bloke Sevens is just around the corner (well, a couple of hundred miles away to be precise, but you know what we mean!) and will commence at 11:00am on Sunday morning.

And are the "Leeds Lardies" ready for it? You Betcha! The training the team has done over the last few weeks has been thorough and rigourous. The average weight of the participants has now hit a new all-time high - thanks to the delights of the West End in Kirkstall and the experimentation with a number of different beers. (I was actually accused of trying "Bath Beer" by my peers when I went for a pint of cider. Pointing out my West Country origins didn't seem to alter the debate - I've yet to find out my forfeit from Judge Tim, but it isn't likely to be pleasant...)

Its interesting that this average weight increase is in spite of dwindling numbers; the first session reported on by RtR some weeks ago details an attendance of seven. Week by week this has dwindled as more and more of the team realise that no amount of training can help them - we're just plain pants at this game! The final session this Wednesday saw the four hardy stalwarts battle it out in the heat, struggling to put a single drop-kick over the bar from ten metres out.

Interestingly, the Tykes Academy have noticed this distinct lack of talent as well. The first session was taken by Jimmy Ponton and Chris Hall, and I seriously wonder if they were prepared for our level of skill and fitness, since after that session both were unavailable. Chris went to the lengths of leaving the club in order to avoid having to train us again! The last two weeks - with the pre-season friendlies rapidly approaching - it was understandable that the Academy were unable to supply us a coach for the Wednesday nights, but thankfully they still allowed us to use the pitch and facilities for our own sessions.

So for the penultimate session we managed to drag Andycap away from his weekly shopping in Morrisson's to come to our rescue, but this final session we did ourselves - talk about the blind leading the blind! It went something like this:

"Seven O'Clock start. Run up and down the pitch. Kick the ball. Head for the pub". (Well, as far as I know, there's a weight limit - we need to be sure we tip the scales at the right point....)

I'd love to be able to say to all you Tykes fans out there that we'll bring home a trophy for you on Sunday to sing and shout about. I'd love to say we'll cruise all the way through to the final, and turn on the style to put fifty points past the cowering opposition.

Something tells me we're more likely to be trying to recover our dignity after the first game. Oh well, its fun to be had, and what better way to spend it than a sunny day, beer, barbeque, a great bunch of friends and internet aquaintances.....

.....and rugby!

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