Yorkshire Carnegie
Diccon's Men Win Ugly!
Scored again!
By Porthostyke
November 20 2011
"Are you with the other gentleman?" asked the lady in the Bear Hotel inEsher. AramisTyke and I conceded that we were indeed with DartagnanTyke. Wewondered how she'd worked it out. It could have been the yellow hats......
A restoring glass of beer (or three) later we undertake the short taxi ride
to the ground. The first thing we see on entering the ground is a horde all
resplendent in similar yellow head gear. Greetings are exchanged, backs are
slapped, refreshing beer is acquired (four pint jugs being the only way to
do it), and a position of vantage on top of a grassy knoll is selected.
There might only be eight of us, but if we all shout together the locals
will notice. At this point one of our number climbed over a fence, for
reasons that I unfortunately neglected to record.
Leeds emerged for the start to quite impressive cries of "Beeeeeeeast" from
the faithful. The Beast himself looked a little embarrassed at this, but
the locals now knew that the opposition had some support.
Referee Mr Rudkin blew his shiny whistle (how he loved blowing his shiny
whistle - it must have been a new one), and the game was under way. Neither
side took an early advantage as Mr Nutkin allowed the game to run for a
whole 90 seconds without bringing out the shiny whistle. It was on 90
seconds that Burrows was pinged for an over-enthusiastic tackle, and Esher
got their first chance for an attack. The Leeds defence held with some
ease, and a series of decent box kicks from Shaw cleared the lines easily
enough.
At the first scrum, Leeds were awarded a penalty by the shiny whistle,
which caused more cries of "Beeeeeeeast". It was not clear precisely how
Esher had offended Mr Bodkin, a pattern that was to be followed throughout
the game. Leeds were able now to get up field, but progress was slowed by
Mr Rudkin's decision not to allow any advantage, presumably so that he
could blow the shiny whistle. An Esher offside gave Leeds the chance for
the first score, and Tommy Bell stepped up to knock it over from the Esher
22. "Ding Dong!" was the cry from beneath the yellow hats.
A passage of play of fully 20 seconds from the restart was ended by the
shiny whistle awarding Esher a kickable penalty. They missed, and Leeds got
the ball back to half way, but a succession of blasts on Mr Bodkin's
whistle drove them back until Esher were in range. No mistake this time,
and it was 3-3 after 15 rather disjointed minutes of play.
It got no better after the next restart with the whistle blasting away
regularly. Leeds were offending more than Esher to the bemusement of
players and spectators alike. The locals were equally mystified. The
upshot was another Esher penalty on half way, given against a baffled
Thornley for no-one could tell what. Over it went and Esher sneaked ahead
6-3.
They were not ahead for long. Astonishingly, Esher conceded a penalty
immediately from the restart. Bell stepped up and, "Ding Dong!" it was all
square again at 6-6.
On 20 minutes, the crowd was treated to what would be the only flowing move
of the game, and one of the longest passages of uninterrupted play. Thornley
broke the Esher line, chucked a pass to Blackett, who put Bell over in the
corner. The kick was missed, but Leeds were now 11-6 to the good.
It was by now inevitable that there would be a blast of the shiny whistle
straight after the restart. And so it was, this time to Esher's advantage.
They missed the kick, but Leeds failed to make progress back up field. The
shiny whistle kept Esher going forward, and only some solid tacking (Beast
to the fore) kept them out. Eventually, Esher had a penalty from a line out
(reason unclear) and opted to go for the posts. The ball rebounded from a
post, Barker gathered and was promptly smacked. The shiny whistle went
again and Esher were close enough this time to make the score 11-9.
With grim predictability, there was a shiny blast from Mr Nutkin at the
first maul from the restart. This time it was reasonably clear that Walker
had pulled the maul down, and he was off to the sin bin. Esher kicked to
the corner, took the line out and went for the line. There man was over,
but Leeds were saved by another dose of shiny whistle as Mr Jerkin adjudged
there to have been a double movement. I was checking the beer stock at the
time, but DartagnanTyke assures me there was at least a triple movement.
Well spotted by the merry whistle blower.
Leeds made off up the field, and a decent inside pass from Ford nearly put
Stephenson through. Esher stopped the attack with some suspicious tactics
in the ruck, and another whistle blast gave them the penalty. A man of
Esher was off to join Walker in the bin while ("Ding Dong!") Bell bagged
the points to make it 14-9.
There was now a succession of scrums around half way, with plenty of good
whistle work ensuring both sides added to their penalty count. Esher
managed one more attack, but Leeds held firm and Ford cleared. Esher were
straight back with a kick through which Leeds appeared to have dealt with
calmly enough until the shiny whistle indicated that the Leeds man had
carried the ball over the line resulting in an Esher scrum five metres out.
A pattern had developed at the scrums by now, and it was Esher's turn to
get the penalty. Over it went, and Esher were back to 14-12.
There was actually no penalty from the restart for a good minute. Esher had
to defend a line out on their 22, but the shiny whistle decided that the
throw was not straight and the half petered out until Mr Rudkin put it out
of its misery.
The second half saw the introduction of Big Mac, to play prop and outside
centre with a bit of wing. The opening minutes saw Leeds have a concerted
attack on the Esher line. The shiny whistle made sure things didn't exactly
flow, but this looked like an opportunity to put the game to bed. But Esher
were up to the task of defending, aided by some marginal on-side decisions
(which it should be said benefited both sides all afternoon). Leeds tried
to get the advantage by taking scrums from a penalty (knowing it was their
turn), but Esher still held firm. A quickly taken Leeds penalty came to
grief with a forward pass and from the resulting scrum Esher (it being
their turn now) used the penalty to clear their lines.
Denman entered the fray for Lockwood after 12 minutes and was soon able to
hear the shiny whistle up close as Esher got a penalty, remarkably, for off
side. This one went over, and Esher had edged in front at 14-15.
If you've been paying attention, it will come as no surprise that there was
a penalty straight from the restart. What might be surprising is that it
appeared to be for offside. Leeds benefited this time, Bell made
no mistake, and Esher's lead had lasted only a minute. 17-15.
In the gathering gloom, Titts replaced Plug for the last 20 minutes. Esher
managed more pressure on the Leeds line, but the defence was sound and the
whistle was shrill. Beck replaced Walker to give some fresh legs in the
last quarter. With just under 20 to go, Leeds missed a penalty that would
have given some small breathing space. It mattered not, since they somehow
managed to string some whistle-free phases together, allowing a back to
slot a drop goal. It was by now very dark, and I noted that it was Ford
that kicked it. The Rugby Paper says it was Bell. It was one of them,
anyway.
The game was now entering its exciting final phases. Such was the
excitement that one touch judge (it had been noted that the ball seemed to
go out all the time exactly where he was standing) actually burst into a
jog. Esher were only five points down, and they sniffed that they could get
a win.
Their plans took a knock when one of their number attempted to decapitate
Titts, and was off to the bin. They took another knock when Denman was
helped off with what appeared to be (it really was very dark) a head injury
and the Beast rejoined the battle. As the clock ran down the first period
of proper whiff whaff developed, with Leeds happy to hoof the ball down the
Esher end. It also became clear why Esher were black; they were very
difficult to spot in the gloom. Leeds, on the other hand, clad in white,
were much more conspicuous.
Barrow replaced Denton for the last rites and spent a solid ten minutes
running around smacking anything in black. The first scrum after the
Beast's return gave Leeds a penalty but probably only because it was their
turn. This got the ball down the field, and the shiny whistle gave Leeds
the chance to create a gap in the scores, but Bell missed again and Esher
were still very much in it.
Play, and penalties, were very much in midfield as the game drew to a
close, but Esher got one last chance. A penalty on the Leeds 10 metre was
kicked to the corner after a lengthy Esher committee meeting. An Esher man
was almost through from the line out until Big Mac stopped him. The
American was clearly a little bemused when this tackle resulted in a blast
on the shiny whistle and a scrum against him. The best theory from the
yellow hats was that this was a knock on.
For a bit of variety, Mr Jerkin awarded a free kick at the scrum. Cynics
beneath yellow hats noticed that he had given this decision very quickly
and before the scrum had actually formed. Esher took a tap and one phase
later had another kickable penalty. The committee decided to take a tap,
prompting speculation that Mr Bodkin had told them it was the last play of
the game.
Two more phases, and another Esher penalty. They took the tap again, and
were on the Leeds line. A try would have taken them level, and a try under
the posts would probably have given them the win. And under the posts they
went but, said Mr Rudkin, the player was on his back. No time for a restart
and Leeds had managed to hold on for the win. A collective sigh of relief
emerged from beneath yellow hats.
All that remained was to shake hands with the friendly locals and to wish
them the best for the remainder of the season. The yellow hats gathered to
clap the players off the field and many took the time to thank the
supporters for their attendance. Something also happened that involved one
front row player removing his shorts behind the changing rooms, but that is
for others to explain. Then back in to the club house to chat with more
locals and the players as they looked for their food. I shook the Beast by
the hand, but I'm told the broken bones will mend soon.
In the circumstances, this was a good win. Esher were well up for the game
and never gave up the fight. The shiny whistle ensured that the game was
incredibly disjointed, which probably suited Esher more than Leeds. On this
showing it will not be long before Esher score their first win. Leeds
probably need to wise up a little and learn how to play a referee a bit
better.
Now bring on Rotherham.
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20/11/2011 18:44
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Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2011:11:22:19:21:28 by Wildwillie.
I still want to know what was going on with Plug's shorts behind the changing rooms.
PT.
However they are alive and well and on the radiator.
Zandra YaPoI
YaPoI - Yorkshire and Proud of It
'proficiscor in una'
