By Auntie Angel Shark
March 21 2007

There's more to an important away game than the mere matter of rugby. Old friends to meet, new friends to make, beer to drink, lies to tell. And beer. Angel Shark pulls another pint and sits down to relate a few stories of past trips and to look forward the stories that will come from this one.

A PREVIEW OF SALE SHARKS V LEICESTER’s EDF SEMI-FINAL at the MILLENNIUM STADIUM

Saturday 24th March (Swanny’s birthday)

With a couple of nods to the past…

“Give me a woman that loves beer and I can conquer the world” - Kaiser Wilhelm

You’re probably going to read this and within about three lines think ‘Hang on a minute, there’s nothing much about rugby here! It’s all waffle and talk about beer and other ridiculous things’ and do you know something, you’d be right. I can’t do the Cuets V someone-or-other debate, or the ins and outs of the new ‘crouch, touch, pause, engage’ rule – that’s for the technically rugby minded amongst you and I don’t qualify in that category. Ask me about beer and pubs and loads of other assorted shi… I mean stuff and we’re away!

I’ve been looking forward to this coming weekend for ages and not just because it’s my birthday. I have never been to Cardiff or the Millennium Stadium before and it’s something I’m looking forward to. Roof open or roof closed? Will it snow? Can a beer be bought for less than the price of a small car? I’ve heard reports that sometimes the locals can be a bit ‘off’ but isn’t that the same for a minority of locals everywhere? Perhaps we could make Timperley Shark up to Special Attaché to liaise with them. Generally our away trips have brought us into contact with lovely people and the conversation isn’t always about rugby. We had an interesting debate once in Oxford on ‘stockings V tights’ – remember that one Scuba? I bet that girl is still receiving counselling. Or the time in Wuss when we put ‘Turning Japanese’ by the Vapours on the jukebox and one of their roadies was actually standing next to us. I didn’t know if he was going to laugh or cry.

We have been rained on in Bath – rained on! – now there’s an understatement! We were double steaming that night. That game was the first time I actually met Scuba, Hippy, Valley (mouse), Freebie and Big Simon. We ran into them in a pub opposite the weir; Kipper and Tricky had met them before. I suppose you could say I was a ‘Scuba Virgin’ (and there can’t have been many of them!). We all got chatting and do you know they still talk to me after all this time? The restraining order is a bit of a hindrance though… Anyway, they took the rip out of Kipper for having his Good Beer Guide and a map of Bath on the table so he could plan our route round the best real ale pubs. We ended up in the Pig and Fiddle (I think) and then decided to go back to the Kings Arms where we were staying as there was a band on. The rain was by now torrential and we were saturated when we got there. We stood at the bar, the steam gently rising from our clothes as we prepared to save a few more pints from going off. A great night!

There’s nothing like checking into a hotel and as you hand your card over to the receptionist a voice behind you says “Oh no. Excuse me, love what name is she using this time?” I didn’t know whether to kill him then or wait until the payment had been processed. Thanks Scuba! That was my first Wuss away, and the first time we heard Hippy describe his previous night’s condition as being ‘spangled’. Priceless!

Connacht away… Now, iBozz was in the Ibis but did he have an iPod? That was the burning question. A beautiful sunny day, a terrific result, and an amazing night. Why was Scuba walking around in Garvey’s with only one shoe on? Who was that man who slept sitting up at the bar for about half an hour? Why isn’t Knock airport in Knock? A truly great weekend, apart from unwittingly wiggling my bum adorned with a fluffy bunny tail, at the players and backroom staff waiting for their at the airport. Shouldn’t be let out alone…

Now, back to Cardiff. As is our want we’re making a ‘long weekend’ out of the trip. We’re off to Shrewsbury to spend Thursday night there and then on Friday morning making the rest of the journey down to Cardiff. This next bit has been planned with military precision to the nanosecond. Find hotel, park car, check in, go to pub. That’s the hard bit over. We’re hoping to meet up with a few lovely Leicester fans that we met after the GP final at HQ last May at some point. Also quartered in the Angel Hotel – well where else am I going to stay? – are Scuba and the boys and Cap’n Major Bloodnok and Major Minor. I know Cap’n Major is looking forward to getting up a bit of speed in his jalopy on the way down – he says he’s looking to get it up to at least 35 miles an hour. Speed freak.

The SIB will be in fine form and voice as we look to support and cheer our lads to a glorious win. It will be difficult to make ourselves heard but we will certainly be seen… I have a cunning plan you see. The wig is brushed and packed, as is the other new item of headgear, which is befitting of my senior rank within this esteemed body of women. The shirt is washed, the flags folded and the fevver boas fluffed. The nails will be painted blue closer to the day - you can’t rush these things you know.

The pubs have been checked out ont’net and a map of said inns produced. In time honoured fashion, I will have it in the first pub, lose it and then produce it out of my bag the following morning. “I thought you’d lost that…” “Hmm, so did I” Will it be Brain’s SA all the way or might we find another beer worthy of our taste buds? Do they have real cider too, because I’m not having Hippy turn bright purple again or start sneezing because he’s had to drink beer. Not given much consideration to the food as of yet, but does everything come with leeks or are they optional?

Just a couple of questions. Are we likely to run into Max Boyce and that bloody great leek? Does Shirley Bassey still shop for tights in the market?