All those weeks of hard training, drinking practice and talking about how good we used, to be were going to be put into practice. In the spirit of the rebranding we have undergone from last year, there was certainly no 60 stone plus front row, and these have been replaced with a bit of youth and speed in the backs. Captained by Clive this year Harlequins Fat Boys (HFB) entered the international Fat Bloke Sevens with some optimism of playing some good rugby and definitely getting blind drunk in a field.

Camping brings its own joys, none of these I remembered as I erected my tent at 9.30 in the dark and rain on Friday night. These minor problems were soon forgotten in the club house and a few beers. This is one of the best things about this weekend, meeting old friends, teams and the other great people all excited about having an enjoyable time playing and watching rugby in its loosest sense.  

Harlequins FB, the class of 2008
Back Row L-R: Jon, Scott, Dave, Andy W, Andy S, Dan H, Tom R, Dom, Lenny, Jon D, Dan B
Front Row L-R: Rhodri, Clive (Capt), Joe, Chris, Adam, Gavin, Greg, Jason

Things had been rearranged this year to try and prevent the David and Goliath style confrontations of the last few years with the four pools of six teams arranged in almost a league structure with the likes of the army vets and formers winners CHP in pool 1 where the lean and speedy could knock seven bells out of each other, and the likely arse trophy winners in pool 4. The top teams in groups 2 and 3 go into the cup and plate with 6^th in these groups going into the arse. No I didn’t quite get it either, but on reflection I think the opinion was that this seemed to work better. Theory being that there will be promotion and relegation between pools.

Harlequins FB in pool 3, kicked off at 10 with the first game in the group against Kaysies Crusaders, who were made up from our hosts Abbey Rugby club 2^nd XV. Quins started well, and for the first 5 minutes held their defensive line well, however the opposition’s fitness and cohesion as a team playing regularly showed, and scored twice before half time. In the second half quins showed similar resolve, and ended up with the same result as in the first, so final score 24- 0. This was not a brilliant start we had hoped for, but we could build on that.

BUNDLE! A 50 man rolling maul

The Owls for whatever reason didn’t show up on the day. So the second pool match against them and the Drones looked like being a walkover. However some bright spark decided to have a game of 12 a side instead. What ensued was unmitigated chaos, with members of all five pool teams joining in to a game resembling the battle of Marston Moor, only less bloody and no horses.

Quins Summit – Vices Dan, Greg and Capt Clive look on

Our second match was against the Drones, but our attention of the opening moments was grabbed by the arrival of the air ambulance onto the pitch where pool one was being played out. Apparently the army vets had managed to break someone pelvis. This distraction coincided with Chris Campbell injuring his shoulder for the fourth year running, nothing broken this year he was just sat on. The rest of the team would like to offer Chris our congratulations on what is become something of an institution, and we all look forward to next years shoulder injury.

Some people like to make an entrance, or in this case an exit

The game again was quiet tight, and no one team seemed to have any great advantage over the other, almost on the stroke of the end of the half, the Drones scored a good break away try. The second half went badly for Quins, with Drones scoring two quick unanswered tries. This game was slipping away from Quins. A few fresh legs for Quins seemed to stop the rot and as the game progressed Quins began to take the upper hand. Towards the end of the game, Quins scored two nice tries by our vice captains for the day, Greg Watts scored a nice prop’s try under his own gravity and the very pacey Dan Hardwick ran a good line from the 22 to drop his man and go in unopposed.

The best game of the day for Quins by far, was the display put in against Glaws Orcs. Having seen their display against Bath earlier, where they ripped the Tubs to pieces, we did not fancy our chances in this match. The decision was made to put in our strongest team, and to our amazement we were the better side, scoring two quick tries from our centre Rhodri. Gloucester reaction to this was a seven man substitution, clearly they had seen our earlier performances and thought this was in the bag for them, but now at 12 - 0 down it was time to turn it on again. The effect of this change for Gloucester was clear in the 12 – 17 score line at half time, their stronger line up against a tiring side that could offer little resistance meant the game quickly swung away from Quins. However with the game still in the balance, Quins were up against it in the second half and heroically defended the line for a prolonged Gloucester attack, some huge tackles went in special mention should be made to Tom Reynolds and Dan Burgess both put in some huge try saving tackles on the line. However there was only so much of this pressure Quins could resist, and in the last minute Gloucester scored their fourth try of the match which finished 12 -22.

Tom on the break setting up Rhodri to score against Gloucester

Due to the Owls non appearance, our last group game was against Bath Tubs. The decision was taken to play all of our new boys in the first half and then our veterans would show the virgins how it was done in the second. This very quickly became clearly a bad decision for the veterans as the virgins set about scoring at will, with some nicely worked moves from depth. They managed to do what we had been trying to do all along, taking the ball in to contact but not committing numbers, then quick ball, shipped along the line. These new boys had some pace about them, this gave Harlequins some great running lines of attack. This kind of running was typified by Adam who scored two identical tries starting from the our own half. The first half ended with Harlequins 24 -0 up, clearly we were going to win this game by quite some margin, and as a result have an early bath as the team who lost this match would go through the arse. The beers were already on ice!

For the second half the vets took to the field, what we lacked in pace and youth we made up for in rugby nous and bulk, ok mostly bulk. Things did not start well as Bath started where Quins had left off in the first half. Suspicions were raised on the touchlines that the old boys were going to throw this to progress into the arse semi. But in truth it was just letting lunch go down that meant we had the slow start. So after a quick breather things then improved for the vets.

From the kick off Quins gathered the ball and made a deep run into the Bath half, from the ruck that followed, Quins came away with the ball and with too many Bath players committed to the ruck, Scott was already to straighten his run cutting inside his marker and scored a under the posts. The second Vets try was not long in coming after that, from Quins restart Captain Clive received a long miss pass, and from the 22 with still quite a lot to do, ran in a nice diagonal run to score in the corner.

With the last play of the game Quins closed out the game with a classic fat boy try. Gavin Dutton’s run into the opposition 22 was ended by two Bath players, but his inside pop pass was met by Dom on the trundle, and with the open try line 15 yards away, he made it as hard for himself as any good prop can. Instead of running straight he veered left to meet the only defender, and with something of the Ace Tiatia about it, the defender was duly flattened into the ground with a forearm smash, this detour had slowed the trundle to a crawl which enabled the desperate Bath defence one final attempt to stop the score. For reasons best known to the defender he decided to throw himself at Dom’s upper body. There he stayed, and as if re enacting the most touching scene from Brokeback Mountain, Dom took the ball over the line carrying the Bath defender on his back collapsing under the posts in a sweaty heap. Final score HFB Virgins 4 tries- HFB Vets 3 tries - Bath Tubs 1 try or 41 – 7 in old money.       

That win put Quins in 4^th in the group and therefore out of the competition, however this did mean a welcome early start to the bar and a few congratulatory yards of ale.

Ready, Crouch, Touch, Engage – Chris demonstrates the seated yard

The rest of the evening is a bit of a blur to be honest, and I would put little value in my reporting of such events or I could start wild rumours. Although I can report that some very fit teams won the cup and plate but the big prize the arse final was won by the Arabian Knights against Worcester Wobblers.

I would like to thank all of this years alumnus, especially all of our new boys, some of whom had never picked a ball up prior to this competition, top of that list is Lenny, who put in a brilliant effort, and played some great rugby. Everyone has come away from this with great memories prior to 5pm Saturday and some even with the intention to carry on and play more rugby next season.

 A huge amount of thanks must go to Eek and his team for making this the best 7’s weekend. Even if you have no intention of playing it is a great day out and I thoroughly encourage you to come and see it next year have a few beers and enjoy the madness. 

I look forward to seeing all HFB members for next years event, and if anyone else out there thinks that they would like a go you are more than welcome to come along when we start the build up for next year. Details on to be posted CAW or scrawled on a wall in the gents near you closer to the time. 

New Club Badge or an act of wonton vandalism about to occur?

Finally the new Harlequins FB shirt is on sale now retailing at a very reasonable £50. If you would like one please contact Dom Green at domgreen@live.co.uk. All proceeds go towards making the 2009 HFB the most memorable ever.

See you next year.

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