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Shazzam! Kabbam!

Not again!
By MrGoz March 3 2003
I set myself the challenge of writing the match report without using the expressions “disorganised”, “disjointed” “error-strewn” and “poor execution of basic skills”. The first draft read “The sun was shining and Northampton deservedly won 38 - 9.” Here is the second version:
The day dawned bright and crisp as the LISC Craic squad began the preparations for their Grand Day Out. For the travellers, thoughts were ‘win or lose we are going to enjoy ourselves’ - with the chance of another Grand Day Out at Twickenham beckoning over the horizon.

Arriving in the ‘City of Dreaming Spires’ we de-bussed amidst the majestic splendour that surrounds the Shazzam! I can picture it still. The Science Park nestling amongst the folds and hills of the rolling Oxfordshire countryside, its glorious and innovative architecture contrasting magnificently with the stark functionality of the buildings of the old City, invisible in the distance. The quaint dwellings of the local artisans peeked down on the Stadium, the air heavy with the scent of the roses climbing around their front doors, their gardens a blaze of early spring flowers. The Car Park itself, gloriously windswept, as it snuggled beside the towering glory of the East Stand. Oh to be in England now that spring is here!

Taking advantage of the facilities offered by Oxford’s tribute to the life work of Mrs Macadam’s favourite son, the Craic Team soon settled into their stride. The fizz of cans announced the continuation of the Team’s daylong tribute to the achievements of the Guinness family. The plop of corks signalled that the Zinfandel producers of California could sleep with the calm satisfaction of a job well done.

With their throats eased after the ravages of the journey, the Team set about the onerous task of demolishing the assembled foodstuffs. Within moments the spring air rang with the sound of sausage rolls, satay chicken and Doritos meeting their date with destiny.

Gradually the rigours of the journey were forgotten and the Team began to take a greater interest in their surroundings. Suddenly someone noticed a strange three-sided building placed conveniently close to the eating area. Intrigued, the Team investigated further and discovered that Yes this shrine of loveliness was indeed the venue for the afternoon’s entertainment.

With a loud huzzah! the Craic Team stormed the mighty citadel and were soon holding yet another branch meeting of the AG Appreciation Society.

Gradually the parts of the stadium that had been built began to fill as the revellers squeezed into their Franklins Gardens sized seats. The drums began to beat, Digger did his stuff, the Saints went marching in (and on and on and on and on) and we waited for the game to begin.

To a mighty roar Barry smote the leathern bladder high and for a while battle commenced.

Northampton threatened with a high cross kick to their left. Sackey threatened with a break down our right. Finally the deadlock was broken when Matt Dawson (minus his water bottle) sportingly opened his mouth and talked a penalty 10 metres further forward for Barry to slot from 40 metres. 3 – 0 to the Irish.

Although the Saints were having slightly the better of the game it was by no means a decisive edge at this stage. However in the 14th minute disaster struck. Former Eastiebeastie Ashley Rowden decided that Tofty had placed a foot on the white wash when collecting a high kick. From the line out Steve Williams gathered and strolled over unopposed for an Andrex Super-Soft try. Grayson converted and the Saints had a lead that they were never to give up. Irish 3 Saints 7.

It was clear that the Saints had been doing their homework in the scrums and they managed to put pressure on the Irish ball for most of the afternoon. After one such shove the Irish scrambled the ball free to set up Michael Horak for a break that was called back for a forward pass. Soon after, Nick Burrows received prolonged treatment and although he continued briefly he was soon replaced by Geoff Appleford.

Unfortunately for his fans in the Craic Team, Matt Dawson was having a significant impact. His breaks around, through and over rucks caused problems all game. From one such searing break it took an immense tackle from Paul Sackey to haul him down just metres short of the line. However from the ensuing ruck Irish were penalised for offside, only for Paul Grayson to dispatch his kick horribly wide from 15 metres. An anxious Craic Team hoped it was a sign that the Saints notorious fragility was surfacing.

However Northampton continued to press only to pass up good field positions with a succession of handling errors and turnovers at the line out. It was something of a relief when Irish managed to hold on to the ball for a sustained spell and to release Paul Sackey for a blistering run down the touchline. Paul left his wing for dead as he blasted into the Saints half, only for his perennial nemesis (Nick Beal) to catch his attempted chip ahead and kick clear.

During this spell the Irish scrum started to look stronger and after disrupting a Saints scrum, they forced a penalty for not releasing. Barry stroked over the kick from 40 metres and it was game on again at Irish 6 Saints 7.

Soon after Doctor V knocked on a simple pass with an overlap and the try line beckoning. It was to be a long time before we would threaten the Saints line again.

The Saints responded by upping the tempo and kicked another penalty to the corner. Although Irish managed to steal the ball at the ensuing maul, they had already conceded a penalty for blocking. Irish again stopped the Saints maul but then conceded a free kick for pushing too soon at the scrum. Seconds later, as Irish dozed in the spring sunshine, Matt Dawson took a quick tap and Pountney dived over by the posts. Grayson converted and as half time approached it was Irish 6 Saints 14.

Irish came back and forced another penalty at the scrum. With time running out Barry dispatched his kick between the uprights from 40 metres for a half time score of Irish 9 Saints 14.

During the interval the optimists were hoping that, playing with the wind in the second half, Irish could start to exercise some territorial pressure. The realists were hoping we could at least hang on to the ball for a bit.

The second half began and six minutes later the game was over. Bob Casey knocked on while trying to run the kick off back from within the 22. From the scrum Grayson chipped over the back line. Michael Horak came in from the right wing and challenged for the ball with James Brooks. The ball bounced free for Mark Connors to gather and reach over to score.

Having watched Rugby League the day before I instinctively waited for a signal to the Video Ref to look at whether it was Horak or Brooks who had knocked the ball on, and whether Connors had been in front of Grayson when he chipped ahead. No signal. Wrong Game. Damn.

Anyway, Grayson converts and soon after kicks an easy penalty from in front after an Irish offside. It was now Irish 9 The Saints 24 and things were looking ominous – and they were about to get worse.

Without any great flamboyance the Saints centres found themselves running through a non-existent Irish midfield and Jorgensen was left to score a training ground try between the posts. The conversion was a formality and with the scoreboard reading Irish 9 Saints 31, and with a long 35 minutes still to go, the Craic Team feared what was to come.

Bravely they tried to rally the team, and to their credit the team responded after a fashion. The result was 35 minutes of some times hopeful, often times cringe making, play as the ball was sportingly presented back to the Saints whenever we got it. In the meantime Saints remained in the comfort zone apart from brief threats, the best of which was a Mark Mapletoft break that ended when his kick ahead bounced cruelly back over his head.

Sadly, as the game petered out, there was still time for Irish to concede yet another soft try. The defence stood and watched as Darren Fox picked up Nick Kennedy’s steal from a Saints lineout and he dived over to score. Grayson converted and Chris White finally decided we had suffered enough.

Final Score: London Irish 9 Northampton Saints 38

To their credit Paul Gustard, Chris Sheasby, Tofty and Bob Casey acknowledged the travelling support, with Gussie and Big Bob looking absolutely sick.

A few moments of p***ed off reflection then it was back out to the Car Park for the lunchtime leftovers and to watch the heroic efforts of the hardened AG drinkers as they bravely finished off the leftover cans of Heineken.

Finally it was back to the coach and we were bidding farewell to the Shazzam! Two semi-finals. Two losses. Seventy plus points conceded. It’s about time the locals nicked the other three stands.

My summary of the game.

1) Credit to Northampton for their win, they deserved it. In Dawson, Pountney and Thompson (apart from his throwing), they had players good enough to make a difference.
2) The incident leading up to the first try indicates how tight the line between success and failure can be. On another day Tofty’s toe would have been in-play instead of in-touch when he gathered the ball, and we would have been 40 metres upfield instead of conceding a try.
3) For all that, we conceded at least 4 extremely soft tries. I don’t know what that does for the coaching staff, but it scares the sh*t out of me.
4) Perhaps more worrying remains our ability to concede game-deciding points in a matter of minutes, and without the opposition having to do anything spectacular. When that happens in September people know you have time to put it right, when it happens in March it makes people nervous.
5) My MOTM for Irish was Paul Sackey for his whole-hearted effort and his ability to lift a stadium to its feet when he gets the ball. All we need to do now is get him to believe that he can get past Nick Beal.

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