By Albatross
September 8 2002

Half Time Entertainment - the bit in the middle. Albatross goes back and remembers some of the things inflicted on Poolies in it's name... Half Time Entertainment has moved on a lot over the last few years. Once upon a time it consisted of queueing for a pie, watching some lads taking penalties, and talking to your neighbours about the poor performance from Pools in the first half. Not any more!

Pools still has the Penalty Competition of course, and elsewhere this doesn't seem to be quite so common. We also have the Dancing Girls as well now, which is a bit different. Other clubs have also revamped their half time activities.

Every club now has a mascot, and some of them are better than others. H'Angus has in the past frequently been more entertaining than the match, but the quality is variable. Sometimes all they seem to do is wander a little disconsolately around the edge of the pitch, while others really do go to town. The Breakdancing Bee at Burnley a couple of seasons ago springs to mind - though I wouldn't want to be the one cleaning the outfit afterwards!

Burnley also had a couple of people dressed in sparkling Gold Suits to draw the winner of their "Golden Gamble" lottery, which I have to say I found a little disconcerting. Still, at least it makes a change from someone with a little board.

Carlisle treated us to a display of some of their past greats this season, with the biggest cheer being reserved for Jimmy Glass. It's a bit odd in some ways that a player that scored over 100 goals for them was playing second fiddle to someone who scored one while on loan, but there you go....

One of the strangest Half Time incidents though took place at Craven Cottage about five or six years ago. At half time, some figures appeared and carried a small table into the middle of the pitch. They were followed by someone with a microphone, and a camera crew. It was promptly announced that they were filming for a new Channel 4 Comedy show, and they wanted our assistance.... The idea was that there would be two people playing chess in the middle of the pitch. The crowd were asked to make a sound as if someone had shot wide as one player made a move, and then to cheer wildly as if someone had scored as the other moved. Of course, the couple of hundred Poolies weren't too impressed as the bloke on the microphone tried to butter up the Fulham fans, telling them they were the best fans in London and the like, and did their best to sabotage it!

The Fulham fans reacted as asked, and were rewarded by one of the Chess Players celebrating like he'd just won the FA Cup. A very strange experience. I later worked out that this was in fact being filmed for a series that was shown on Channel 4 in 1997 called "Phil Kay feels...", where the Scottish Comedian improvised most of the show with a few filmed inserts.

I have no idea if the clip was ever used in the show - I only caught a couple of them - but it has to go down as one of the strangest Half Time experiences I've had. Now, bring on the Dancing Girls!