Billy Smart's Circus comes to town


By Mister Happy
January 19 2004

After the latest shocker against the Sky Blues many could be forgiven for thinking Billy Smart's circus had been set up in town. Unfortunately, the spectators that witnessed the main event have also had their appetites whetted by the sideshows all season. There is no doubting that our number one shot stopper is a real class keeper

There is no doubting that our number one shot stopper is a real class keeper. Unfortunately, our number one is a little prone to losing his head sometimes  giving rise to the occasional suspension. This in itself should not be too much of an issue unless your young back up keeper has a broken wrist and has been playing with it for quite some time. Strange in this day and age that a club medical doesn't pick up on these things. Even so, it still isn't a complete disaster since you have taken precautions and taken an up and coming keeper on loan for three months. The bad news is that he returns to his mother club after an important match as his loan period expires and you refuse to extend the loan further so as not to "waste a loan". Oh dear! The result is a cheapo  non contracted Biffo the Bear (with the agility of a tea bag) picking the ball out of the onion bag on six occasions.

For heavens sake, the Goalkeeping position is one of the key areas of the pitch. In the first division you cannot get away with "patching up" in this area. Shame it wasn't snowing, we could have built a snowman to thwart the Sky Blue attack. Would have been a bit cheaper as well.

  
The discussions regarding the full back positions have been burning on the message boards for months. In one case it has been for a number of seasons. It is pretty obvious that none of the watching public have an appreciation of the game. Two successive managers have rated our erratic mushroom eater at left back, so much so that he was given a lengthy contract despite having the strange ability to turn matches against his side with "momentary spontaneous acts of madness". On the other side of the pitch we have an established first division footballer who for some reason has lost the art of defending. Fortunately for the Saddlers, Colin Lee recognised this and brought in some temporary replacements. Chris Baird was an excellent player and offered both defensive stability as well as an attacking outlet. It was just a shame that we weren't able to keep him. On the left hand side we brought in Vincent. He had some good consistent games for the club but then decided to pack his bags and relocate to Pride Park. As a result we are left with Mr. Erratic and Mr. Lost it. 
The goings on at the heart of the defence would have been for the neutral observer quite hilarious. We started pre-season with a bloke who only played if he felt like it and regularly picked up little knocks and partnered him with the most technically ungifted footballer in the land. During the summer months our gaffer chased and chased the signature of a centre half of limited ability who was reluctant to come back to the club and was actively seeking employment elsewhere. Upon realising no-one else wanted him he eventually signed for the club only for sick note to decide he no longer fancied a career in the game and announced his retirement. Hells bells.

Mid way through the season the central defensive partnerships then decide to do an about turn. Sick note decides he doesn't like retirement after all and comes back to us whilst the limited ability one decides he's had enough and jumps on a plane to New Zealand. You just couldn't make it up. Oh! and lets not forget that sick note got injured (SHOCK) in his first match back on loan.

The only good thing to come out of this debacle was the arrival of Paul Ritchie. The club must do whatever they have to in order to keep him. If he goes elsewhere as Vincent did for a few bob extra then we must really question the ambition of the people running the football club. 
The midfield is a soap opera in its own right. Towards the end of last season it was obvious to all that our midfield was non existent. Coupled with further departures it became almost invisible. Lee then went on a recruitment drive and brought in Osborn, Oakes, Lawrence, Emblen and Samways. Then, amidst much fanfare came magic man Merson whilst the services of Matias and Wrack were retained. After much unsuccessful fidgeting with systems to accommodate our new messiah Colin Lee then announced that we didn't have the legs in the middle of the park (16 when i counted Col) and recruited the services of O'Neil. This was a masterstroke by Colin Lee. With O'Neil, Baird and Ritchie in the side we looked like a first division side. Not just an ordinary first division side but a damned good one at that. Unfortunately O'Neil returned to the promised land, Merson's excess baggage weighed him down and Samways went AWOL leaving the entire club in total chaos. Even Mister Happy doesn't know what to do here.
The final act in Billy Smart's circus is up front. To complement our workaholic goal shy hitman we needed a partner. The entire summer months were spent chasing the signature of our Brazilian gem. Search parties were sent to Portugal amidst rumours that he was hiding away on the Algarve. Phone calls and faxes were sent to Brazil but the blonde "bomber" was nowhere to be found. Ultimatums after ultimatums were issued but to no avail. As the season fast approached our Brazilian striker finally re-surfaced in the colours of Derby County (a theme seems to be appearing here). By now we are in deep shtuck. Only one recognised (sort of) striker at the club and a youngster with an attitude. 

During the first few months of the season rumours are rife as we are linked with every available forward going. Strangely, all of the strikers we were linked with ended up at the Britannia stadium. How many bloody strikers do the clay heads need?

Our owner then announces in the press (or there were rumours anyway) that he would personally fund our desperate need for a striker. Since then, nothing. Not a jot. All we hear is "we have no money", "we will have to make do with what we have got".

 
Mister Happy sees this as a sign that the club intends to merely survive again with the bare minimum of investment. It does not give any indication that the club wishes to progress and really establish itself at this level. This is fair enough if the club has a forward thinking policy and a positive mission statement. Take a glance up the M6 at our old adversaries Crewe. Here is a club of similar stature who year after year pull out young stars and groom them into stars of the future. Groom them, enjoy them, sell them and move on. Walsall are sadly lacking in this area and it is an area that the club must really strive to improve. It is critical for the future of the club and must be taken extremely seriously as opposed to giving it lip service. The policy of generation of youth is far better than the accumulation of Steptoe's and the ultimate assembly of Dad's Army. 

 

 

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