England's VI Nations - Half Term Report

by Ed Budge

England are three games into their campaign for European domination, and are currently what I would describe as sitting ugly atop the VI Nations table. With, on paper, the three easiest fixtures out of the way, this is hardly a surprise, but defeat to Scotland was. The resurgence of England's Celtic neighbours under the astute and passionate direction of Frank Hadden has been a joy to behold; a joy only suspended for 80 frustrating and agonising minutes last Saturday. England were dreadful, and not the forgivable kind of dreadful, either.

So, what have we learned about England in these three games? Well, to be honest, nothing. Nothing of which we weren't sure at half time against Wales, nothing we didn't know after November's All Black encounter, and very little that we couldn't have speculated a year ago. We were well aware that England could dominate affairs in the scrum and line-out, that they could squeeze the life out of many a foe. But we also knew that they didn't have the teeth or the venom to knock out an adversary any livelier than a little sleeping dragon.

Actually, I take it back; we have learned the value of experience. Nil. Should Martin Johnson OBE ever stumble across this article, I have a piece of advice: look away Johnno, for the following will send a shiver down your spine. Since the World Cup in 2003, England have been involved in 8 games which have been settled by a score or less. They have lost the lot. Ireland, France, Australia, Wales, France and Ireland again, New Zealand and now Scotland have had the drop on England when it mattered most. Even worse, England scored first in 5 of those matches. Where were the old heads, the decision-makers, the leaders when their team needed dragging across the finish line? The next time Andy Robinson uses the word 'experience' I implore you to remember the statistic above.

I can assure you that it will be one of the first words to come out of the coach's mouth, should he be quizzed on his selections, which continue to dovetail exquisitely with a gameplan that doesn't work. Publicly ruing England's poor ball retention against Scotland is all well and good, but it has been evident for a while now that Robinson's charges are under strict instructions not to over-commit to the breakdowns on defensive grounds. Well you have two choices, Andy: either don't get concede tries from turnovers, or don't get turned over in the first place. If the former is the preferred option, then why not pick a back row that would rather be elsewhere, and a hooker who seems to have more to say to the crowd than the opposition pack?

EDIT - That said, if anyone who saw the Powergen Cup semi-final this afternoon can honestly say Joe Worsley doesn't like rucking, they are braver than I.

Not that the forwards selected would make it to a breakdown in time even if they abandoned their touchline Mothers' Meetings. When I remind people of Robinson's comments of six months ago, regarding the development of a mobile pack, I am usually greeted with a rather grotesque mixture of gawping amazement and wry sniggers. It's not as if the backs are much quicker either. But how much pace does one need to race back to the pack? How thoughtful of Robinson to find a race that Mike Tindall and Jamie Noon can win, and let them show off in front of 70,000 Scotsmen!

Go on, you didn't think I was going to ignore them? I will skip over the major issue, by merely saying that Tindall has no place on an International rugby field, and his continued selection makes light work of dispatching Cher's Oscar as the most ridiculous decision in the history of mankind. Noon requires more thought. He has the sympathy of many an England fan given his position - much like sitting next to the travel-sick kid on the school bus - but if anyone thinks the English midfield can be made glorious again simply be removing the weakest link, they are sorely mistaken. They were substandard last year, and Tindall's swap with Olly Barkley has been the only significant change as the Bath man played meat to the Noon-Hodgson sandwich, and if it didn't work then…

The queue of applicants for Noon's shirt is longer than Steve Borthwick's right arm, but the stand-out candidate is James Simpson-Daniel, whose name has become synonymous with creativity. If anything, it's reassuring that his name deviates from power, defence, experience and all the other weights manacled to England's ankles. There's more than one way to skin a cat, and Sinbad does a very good line in skinning, himself.

But what has to change first? The gameplan or the personnel? It's too late in the day, regarding 2007, to bring in a new coaching team, and I doubt there is enough time to re-evaluate England's tactics in the fortnight that remains in the VI Nations. But what a waste in would be, to throw Simpson-Daniel, Abbott, Varndell, Clarke and whomsoever else one could choose into this side so they could spend 80 minutes rucking. They would be instructed to stand flat, carry the ball and not take any risks.

While I will freely admit that nobody is a more enthusiastic harbinger of doom than I, I feel fully entitled to say that it's too late. Too late to change the strategy, and therefore pointless to alter the side en bloc. England did nothing wrong against the Scots that they didn't do wrong against the Kiwis in November. Had things been changed around then, the side might not be in this position. Instead, Robinson has managed to paper over the cracks with a few meaningless victories, and at the risk of contradicting my last article, the trend may well continue next week. France are playing some shockingly poor rugby, and a victory in Paris may represent another embarrassing false dawn. The only test to come England's way will fall on Tuesday, when we will discover whether or not our coach has any backbone at all.

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