The Toffs arrived at West Hallam on Saturday looking to improve on the lacklustre performance exhibited against Ticknall last weekend. A soggy wicket and a full-scale swamp in front of the pavilion greeted the boys. A difficult afternoon looked on the cards.

The Sarg again lost the toss and was surprisingly asked to field by Hallams captain, looking to utilise the conditions to bring about a first win of the season for the home side.

After a small delay to the designated start time, (the swamp was still drying out) Duffield took the field with a few changes to the line-up that struggled last weekend. Out went Fry, Short, Rodney and Rob Stevenson, unavailable through holiday, partying and injury (in no particular order!) Thrust into the breach was Dickie, The Ant, Scat Yooof and Max Bygraves.

Henry Nicholls and The Ant opened the bowling, causing several problems early doors, Jones, most uncharacteristically putting down a chance at first slip off The Ant in his first over.

West Hallam made slow but steady progress, losing a wicket in the fifth over to the bowling of Nicholls. Some good fielding from the likes of Elliot, Mills, Carrazedo and Dickie, helped build the pressure on the batsman and when Nicholls took the wicket of the other opening batsman Duffield were firmly on top.

Meanwhile, Dong was wandering around at fine leg, still dazed from the night before when he had made an impromptu acquisition on Derby Market Place during a night out with The Ant, Dickie, Bins West and Big Salt (the later pair both of Rank Rangers fame). The Milford Stallion had provided a very keen young lady from Ripley with his telephone number, he awaits her call. The boys then de-camped to a less than salubrious nightclub in Matlock but not before they were intercepted by Sergeant Sims on late night patrol at Allestree Petrol station. After some worrying performances in previous weeks, The Sarg had decided to adopt some Alex Ferguson style tactics once infamously showcased when he raided Ryan Giggs house during a boozy early 1990’s knee’s up! Lee Sharpe was hiding in the cupboard!

Back at the cricket, West Hallam, in the shape of their overseas star, started to up the pace. Both Nicholls and Antill bowled through their allotted overs, The Ant collecting a wicket in his final over, capping a good return to the side. The Sarg took over at the Ant’s end, finding some purchase and bounce from the pitch, collecting a wicket when Hallam’s number four cut to Scatt at gully. Elliot came on to replace Nicholls and worked up some good pace, taking the edge of Hallam’s batsmen on several occasions, all to no avail as the ball flew through the vacant cordon area. The home side’s overseas player continued to bat well, launching Sims over mid wicket and Elliot over mid on for respective boundaries on his way to 50.

Meanwhile, Dong was beginning to get frustrated with skipper Sims' continued berating. After one order too many from the Sarg, Flash rebuffed his captain with a Liam Gallagher style one fingered gesture, if only I’d brought along the camera! The disciplinary committee meet on Tuesday night to decide his punishment! Some lusty blows and fortuitous edges dragged West Hallam total up to the 160 mark with seven wickets down, Elliot and Sims sharing the last 4 wickets to fall.

As tea was taken, news came in of another deadly 2nd team bowling performance, Sawley 3rd’s taken apart by Bananaman Ellis and Darts Mason. Cold chicken nuggets and Swiss Roll were on the menu as Duffield’s larger gents tackled the spread!

The Ant and Sargeant Sims opened the batting, both playing and missing early on as the West Hallam bowlers found the right line and length on a helpful wicket. Antill was the first to go, scoring just one before his leg stump was removed by the legendary Attenborough!

Mills joined Sims at the crease and they embarked on a stubborn partnership, the ball continuing to beat the bat punctuated with the odd blazing cover drive. Progress was slow but with wickets in hand and time on their side Duffield still looked to have a good chance of completing their second win of the season.

Everything changed with the arrival of West Hallams two spin bowlers. Both very innocuous in their style, but extremely effective on a deteriorating wicket ideal for slow bowling. Almost immediately Sims fell LBW, followed by Elliot who chipped to deep mid wicket. Hallam, sensing victory, posted fielders around the bat, so close they were practically on the strip. Mills was the next to go, hitting one down long-on’s throat. Duffield were in the midst of an England style collapse, they couldnt deal with the combination of a wet wicket and close fielders with spinners utilising the wet pitch. The batsmen were in a quandary, did they try and defend from the crease and most probably get an edge to the close fielders or go on the attack and risk picking out the fielders in the deep.

Jones and Dickie were now at the crease, the former caught off his bat and pad right on a length by the close fielder. At the other end Dickie had decided to use his feet to negate the spin and succeeded in chipping a catch to long on, Duffield were in disarray. Zane Carrezedo then provided some entertainment as he went on the attack, sweeping powerfully on his way to an accomplished 20 before he was wrongly given out stumped. Max Junior also offered resistance before he too was the victim of a bad decision, given out caught by the close fielder when the ball clearly struck him on the thigh pad. Busteds Scatt yooof was bowled, looking rusty as he begins his season a little late. Nicholls and Dong (now sober) were the last men in, their short resistance delaying the inevitable, as West Hallam wrapped up the innings and took 27 points.

Duffield did not bat well, but credit has to go to the West Hallam bowlers who used the conditions to their advantage and pressured the Duffield batsman into mistakes. The Toffs were caught on a wicket that had deteriorated and had become perfect for the slow Hallam bowlers, close fielders made defensive shots impossible with the ball turning and bouncing. Hallams tactics caught the Duffield batsmen without a suitable game plan. It raises the question, are they good enough? This remains to be seen, there can be no doubt that the batsmen would not have had the same problems against the mediocre Hallam spinners on a dry pitch. Perhaps a lack of technique, experience and ability at 1st division level is being highlighted. By the end of August Duffield will know whether they have been good enough to stay up, between now and then they must show greater application and concentration to achieve improved results.

Anyway, thats the serious bit over, now the Tottie Meter reading. The level only rose above zero after tea when a relatively tidy young lady arrived at the ground. She was universally agreed to be around the 5 level, average but no better. No further readings occurred before the close of play, 2 young girls walked round the pitch but they were deemed by the tottie committee to be below the legal measurement age.

Related Links:
Duffield 1st XI Fixtures
Duffield 1st XI - 2003
League Tables