Time was down at Welford Road when we would have had those elephants on the pitch at half time to give them a cheer but in these days of looking after our core business mentality we had some more banal half time entertainment but more of that later.

Not a sell out crowd for once , 15,093 gathered to watch a gallant Gwent Dragons outfit stick manfully to the task of denying the Tigers the four try bonus point they were clearly determined to obtain. Their task was made more difficult in roughly the same way Tigers decided to handicap themselves in the French Capital last weekend. On five minutes Pez attempted to put Tigers third penalty of the match deep into the clubhouse end 22. He succeeded in this but the mighty groan from the crowd told you the ball was going to land in the 22 but nowhere near the touchline. However, the Gwent fullback knocked the ball on as far forward as Baxter had done in Paris. What a difference a week makes. Who had intelligently followed this wayward penalty at the speed of Thermo man without assuming it was making its way into touch? Yes last weeks villain turned hero in an instant. Arriving at the knocked on ball before the flailing fullback could recover it was Baxter. Fifteen yards from the line and two men in the way. They never saw him. In by the posts. Pez then recovered his aim to make the simple conversion. 7-0 Tigers and on our way.

From the restart a Dragons catch in the lineout is driven back with disdain by the real Tiger pack and a desperate Percy Montgomery kicks weakly ahead and several offside Dragons are illegally drawn to the ball like moths to a candle. Pez looses his languid left boot on the subsequent penalty and it is 10-0 after 8 minutes. Oh rugby is such a great game.

There was an almost instant opportunity for Percy Montgomery to obtain 3 points with a penalty but his aim was as bad as Pez’s earlier penalty without reaping any fortuitous fallout.

The game continues at a pace that Michael Shumacker would have gulped at. Time for great tackles from the debutant Jaco Van der Westhuyzen and Pez. “I hope Jaco doesn’t score a try or take over the kicking I tell junior. It takes even more time to write his name down than it takes some supporters to tell you why white is black at the moment.” There then follows a series of good interchanges between forwards and backs with the bloke with the horrendously long name featuring prominently in good moves. Leon is looking back to his very best and yes, don’t skim past this bit some of you, his best is very good. All we have to show for some thrilling passages of play is a penalty following a disrupted Dragons scrum. Pez’s kick follows the imaginary laser beam I lay down and goes exactly where it should. 13-0 after 16 minutes.

More good passages of play follow with Oz firing 20 metre passes off both hands like tracer bullets to send runners charging into space. Somehow, despite the territory, possession and invention we cannot cross the line. The Dragons defend with a mixture of tenacity and illegality, the penalty count rises to 8-1 after 20 minutes and the referee finally loses patience and sin bins the 13, Luscombe for cynically cuddling the ball on our side of the ruck 10 metres out. After much debate during which you wonder who is the captain Pez aims the ball torpedo fashion at the Dragons’ posts but misses. Why it wasn’t kicked to the corner for 15 men to try and work a try against 14 I do not know. 13-0 up and 4 tries the order of the day made this one a no-brainer for this brain dead observer.

The Dragons eventually decide that they wanted to acquaint themselves with bits of the pitch down the other end. They manage to exert some pressure but spurn two kickable penalties in order to kick to the corner. Both attempts end in failure. Tigers then try to run a free kick 5 metres from their own line in an attempt to score a try. Unsurprisingly their enterprise peters out on their own 22. Why take such a risk to score a try yet spurn a much more obvious route earlier. I am no world cup winner but I think I am right. The desperate Dragons now try a psychological ploy. They send on Michael Owen in place of Gough. Confused by the switch of codes from the round ball superstar Tigers criminally fail to score during the sin bin.

Then after more good Dragon pressure a semi certain try scoring pass is aimed at the Dragons right winger and hooker on Tigers’ try line. I look down at the programme to find the name of the likely scorer. As I look back up Leon Lloyd is gliding effortlessly past his own ten metre line with the intercepted ball. He is determinedly pursued by two Dragons. Lloyd makes the line but comfortably. His early gliding run becomes more casual the further he goes but who am I to speak. 95 yards is a long way to run flat out. Pez puts the conversion down my imaginary laser guidance system. 20-0 and halftime beckons. Dorian goes off having hit his own numbers 4, 5 and 6 with every line out throw. Oh what a difference a week makes. Richards comes on. Its like feeding pork pies to Gloucester old spots really.

The second half starts with Oz fielding the ball level with block A in the members stand and sending the ball into touch 10 metres from the Dragon’s line. They secure their line out but the field position has been gained. Pez breaks through in the same style as at Paris but this time there is back row cover and seemingly fatally he hesitates with the line at his mercy. The tireless forwards tidy up the mess he makes of his break and the recycled ball find sits way into the one pair of hands you wanted it to. Ollie Smith touches down in Freddie’s corner. I am too busy writing all this down to assist Pez with his conversion but he still makes the difficult shot with ease. 27-0. 36 minutes to play and one try needed for this supporter to go home very happy.

A rare visit to the Tigers half yields a penalty 45 metres out. Dragons change tack and Percy Montgomery kicks the three points.

Tigers now try to go for the jugular. A series of line outs and scrums close in yield nothing. Balding is almost over once and then is driven back much further then he will care to remember. Ollie is denied another try, the referee deciding he was held up. I don’t know what the television showed but I thought from 50 yards away there was a strong likelihood he had scored. Dragons revisit our 22 which they clearly remembered from the time they spent there in the first half. Good pressure fizzles out with a poor pass from the scrum half. Pez makes a clean break but out runs any support. Sensibly he slows down and waits for it to arrive but the subsequent play ends with a penalty against Tigers almost on the try line. Another good move ends with Tigers giving what should have been a scoring pass to a Dragon player.

Goodness. Suddenly everyone is making breaks. Wiggy is clean through and delivers a scoring pass which Jonno knocks on. Oh dear. Where is this 4th try going to come from? It is so important. The possibility of a fourth try seems to recede towards the team bench as Gibson limps towards it and Freddie takes his place. Ollie goes to inside centre. But immediately the ball reaches Ollie at the 12 channel he puts the after burners on in a style even Oz in his youthful prime could not have matched. With a couple of shows of the ball and devastating acceleration he seems to weave in and out of the entire Dragon back line. Not for Ollie the crassness of a swallow dive or the vulgarity of a handstand. The ball is quietly placed one hand down 15 yards to the left of the posts in a way which underlines his class. The conversion leaves Pez’s boot and soars between the posts at a slower speed. 34-3 and we have the precious bonus point which may be meaningless or worth so much next Spring. I never know what the collective noun for a lot of substitutions is but a rash of them happen all at once. People around me complain that they should be called a rash because they spoil the game. I just feel everyone deserves their win bonus. The game ends with a rousing cheer and the crowd go home happy though for some strange reason there is no “Smiley Happy People.”

So what to make of it all? Is it the start of the way back or do the knockers still have ammunition? The knockers have asked for passion and commitment. We had that in spades. Clean breaks we had by the bucket load. Try scoring possibilities and opportunities, well there were loads. Great performances from Oz, Ollie and all the forwards. Jaco van der long name had a storming first 60 minutes and may be asked to learn the Japanese for “I am breaking my contract.” The kicking from hand was much improved and the variety was back in the back play with no one tactic being overworked. The line out went a dream with the mind bogglingly difficult ploy of throwing to 4, 5 and 6 who happened to be Jonno, Wopper and Cozza. We mangled their scrums and strangled the life out of their game which was not easy because the Dragons stuck valiantly to their thankless task.

They came a very distant second which may mean they are not very good. But then they did beat Ulster who beat Stade Français. The down side is really why did Ollie start on the wing when he showed such devastating skill when moved to twelve. Leon had a great game but he should be on the wing and Ollie at 12 on this evidence. Sadly, next week we have to lose him while Saints lose Grayson. And although our approach play was streets ahead of much of the season we took an age to get the 4th try and two of the four had Christmas wrapping paper tied up with a ribbon round them. Maybe the confidence will start to flow and we could have something to look forward to later in the season or maybe it was a flattering performance against weak and troubled opponents. Time will tell but in this festive season lets see the knockers show some peace and goodwill and get off the backs of players and coaches while we see where we go from here. The tele made Jonno man of the match and why not? Because of Ollie Smith that’s why not. Junior says Ollie was man of the match so there you have it. The tele chose Martin and Junior chose Ollie.

Now I am going to e-mail to Ian this match report now so Tiger fans cut off from television coverage in far flung corners of the globe can read all about before the baa baas game has taken place. Then I will watch the video and realize how wrong I got things in this report. But who cares? We are top of the group and I feel tons happier than I did trudging towards the Porte d’Auteil metro station last weekend.

PS The headline was going to be “You’re not whinging anymore” but TT didn’t think that sat with the spirit of Christmas.

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