By vernonfella
April 12 2006

It can be dangerous casually mentioning that the front page hasn't been updated for a while. Vernonfella did just that and now finds himself dragooned into providing copy. So, sweating as the laser beam approaches the family jewels, he brings us this preview of the upcoming game at Kingston Park.

When the Major packs his cheeks with cotton wool and mumbles that you’re doing the Falcons preview, it’s an offer you don’t refuse. Not unless you want to wake up sleeping with the fishes, and with Tibby the cat’s head in your bed!

As I write, it’s Sunday morning. Last Saturday, Sale confirmed their HC qualification with a stuttering victory over Glos. It wasn’t pretty. Another win this coming weekend should just about secure a home tie in the play-offs. I won’t care if it’s good, bad or ugly. The only problem is…we’ve never beaten Newcastle away from home!

But enough of that – Luca Brasi could knock on the door any minute. Time to get to work. What I need is an angle. Something to ‘hang’ next week’s preview on. Something nobody else will have thought of, ever. Something new. Something different. Something original. Of course……Jonny v Charlie! Brilliant!

I know Jonny hasn’t played for eons, but the Falcons management are bound to pretend he’s fit. They always do. Sorry, bad choice of word that. What I meant to say was that the Falcons management are bound to attempt to make sure he’s fit. It has absolutely nothing to do with bums on seats. Just thought I’d make that absolutely clear (if you know what I mean).

Actually, come to think of it. He always is fit at Kingston Park against Sale!!! Last year he played his only full game for Newcastle since 1876 and even had the bad grace to score the winning try against us. Nobody remembers Charlie’s perfect kicking record in a howling northeasterly or even Jason’s tries. All they recall is THAT try in the final minute to nick the game.

I don’t think that Tait fella will be around though – he’s still travelling the globe with Ben Foden, helping England win 7s tournaments. If it’s Sunday it must be Singapore. Even without him, Newcastle have a lot of talent in the backs: Burke, May, Noon, Mayerhofler, Jumping Joe, Flood/Walder and Hall Charlton (or is it Charlton Hall? I can never remember!) and a couple of blokes called Elliott & Hoyle, both of whom have been receiving some good reviews since their previous employers let them slip away.

It’s the forwards where Newcastle have been struggling – let’s face it, any team which relies on Colin Charvis are going to struggle! I believe the game will be won or lost ‘up front’, which probably means no change in the gameplan employed by Sale over the past two weeks. Take ‘em on. Take the ball into contact. Recycle. Snipe at the edges. On the odd occasion the scrum half (whoever it is) is presented with clean ball quickly, bosh it in the centres. Who knows, the perfect preparation of the last fortnight could actually work! I wonder if Stan will get a single pass all afternoon though.

So this year it will be different. Sale are playing for a home draw in the semis. Realistically, Leeds are gone this time (though it’s a tough pill to swallow), which means Newcastle are safe, but they also have no chance of making the top four. Their only chance of Heineken Cup rugby, and therefore their priority, is the Parker Pen thingy next weekend. Surely they want to do their only remaining ‘Northern mates’ a favour? Best not mention Albania, eh?